When everyone goes for yard drinks

MrA

MrA

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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And you're not invited. I don't know what I do wrong??? this always happens. I'm obviously not fun or forgettable or something. I always listen to everyone and try join in convos when I have time but I'm just naturally quite quiet and always incredibly busy.

Just the photos popped up on fb and literally everyone went, I know I'm moaning but it just doesn't make me feel great. Ive really tried this year to make an effort but I still always feel like a weirdo!
 
You are not a wierdo!!! Id subtlety make a comment like - oh I didnt know you were all going out. I wish id have known I had no plans id have popped out too (I usually do this tactic with the girls at work)

Maybe they didnt think youd want to go? If you kinda hint you wanted to go they may ask next time!
 
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I'm just worried if I say that and they turn round and say, we didn't invite you for a reason haha
 
They probably forgot or didn't think you'd be bothered. On my last yard most people were a lot younger than me so I didn't tend to get invited. Maybe they think with all your training you wouldn't be bothered? You know, like from a fitness point of view? Anyways, don't let it bother you.
 
It's crappy tho, I'm always that person at work, generally I ignore it but I think if it was a yard thing it might bother me more, I'd hint that an invite would have been nice. ETA if they are rude enough to be nasty and say they didn't invite you on purpose they are probably not worth worrying over or worth taking the time to hang out with anyway.
 
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How mean! I would say quite openly that you saw the pics of facebook and it looks like they all had a great time and you would love to have come along - could they ask you next time? I agree with FM, at least if they have even an ounce of decency in them, they will squirm and wriggle a bit before they answer you!

Of course it just might be that the impression they have of you is someone who just wouldn't be interested in that sort of night out, if thats the case then put them right on that score.
 
A lot of them were down the yard talking about how good a night they had when I got there tonight, I didn't approach
them or say anything, really just don't have the confidence too. So I just tacked ale up and took him for a little bareback plod and they had all gone by the time I was back. Guess I just don't really fit in with them but oh well.
 
Perhaps they think that you don't want to come along?

Is there perhaps one of them who you get on with better than the rest? Could you have a quiet word with her and just tell her that you felt very left out and is there a reason why they didn't invite you?
 
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Last year the yard went to a show and didn't mention it was on, or they were going.
I think some people can get overlooked because if your are independent which I am, plus up at different times, they can forget your there.
The thing about Facebook I don't like is its like hearing part of a conversation. Had you not seen the photos you wouldn't be feeling how you are.
 
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people can be rotten, intentionally leaving people out is just nasty. I would say your better of without them Ale, let them be them.. and you enjoy being yourself, Ive been in that position many a time ( alot with family to!) you get to the point where you discover your own friends in life and people you Gel with Quality is always better then quantity!
 
That's just rotten of them. Yard cliques are so unpleasant. This used to happen on our last yard all the time. I agree with Newforest, the independent people tend to get sidelined. They really aren't worth bothering about if they chose to behave like school kids!!
 
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Hm, I wouldn't worry about it. They probably just forgot to invite you or assumed you might not be interested because you're independent :) I've never been one to massively join in with those yard activities either. I'm there for my horses, I don't need to rely on other people to ride (most evenings there's nobody else there, anyway), I have friends I'll ride with when we coincide but really have no time to be one of those 'shed sitters' (people who seem to have nothing better to do than sit around the yard chatting?)
 
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I am glad you explained a shed sitter:)
After no one wanted to ride with me-young cob, I did it on my own. I am not hacking on my own I have her for company, she doesn't say a lot but she communicates.

The relationship you have Ale is worth so much more than people who are childish.
Sometimes I get "You could have come out with us" to which I reply that I had a lovely hack thanks" They say it afterwards, they could have invited me before ;)
 
I wouldn't think they did it spitefully tbh. They may well have thought that you wouldn't be interested in going. It is however very rude to exclude people from group activities and I don't blame you for being upset. Maybe try and get a little bit more involved with them at the yard if you want to be included. Maybe ride out with one or two, and before you know it, you will be part of the whole yard social thing and will be invited.

I am very gregarious and did find it a bit tricky when I first moved yards as I didn't know anyone there at all. But I made a huge effort to get to know them and ride with them, and we all text each other about riding times etc. But thats what I like, and I know not everyone does.
 
I completely understand why you feel left out (it would upset me too) - but do you say hello & chat to them whilst your at the yard normally? I know you say your very shy or unconfident, it might come across as aloof or uninterested to those who don't know you're shy.

Most people wouldn't go out there way to exclude someone, but if they don't know you want to get more involved or see you go off to ride on your own, they may not know how to approach you or that you prefer to do things on your own.

You could try arranging your own meal/evening out & inviting them?
 
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