Who has been in a difficult situation, made changes and is now much happier?

R

Russet

Active Member
Nov 14, 2009
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Following on from my thread last week spilling out all my angst about how my relationship is in its death throes, and I am still no closer to knowing what to do. I could really do with hearing how others have coped during the most difficult times in their lives, what they did to move on, and how things worked out.

I am feeling so scared, stuck, sad, and alone, part of me wishes I just didn't wake up one day. I know that's an awful thing to say and people have much worse things to deal with than I do, but I just feel so battered, bruised and worn down. The last year has been the hardest one for many years, possibly the hardest. I've lost two (what I thought were) close friends who I thought would be friends for life, one of them my closest friend for 15 years, my gorgeous doggy soulmate who died aged 6 out of the blue, our 13 year old dog isn't long for this world, and my relationship seems to have reached the end of the road, the thing I have so dreaded for years. I haven't worked for years due to ill health, though I am looking at ways of getting back to work, but I'm not holding my breath on that. I am really struggling to see a way out of this as I can't support myself financially, that's the thing that is the biggest hurdle.

I could really do with hearing how other people got themselves out of a seemingly impossible situation, to give me some hope that there is a way out of this. I'm sorry to sound so full of doom and gloom, and I know lots of other people have big worries of their own. :frown: I just feel that I'm sinking lower every day and that I've got no fight in me at the moment. I could do with a large dose of hope and inspiration; if only that were available on the NHS!
 
Could you not speak to your local CAB office to ask about benefits and support grants to help you out. They would also look into accommodation etc if that is what you need etc.

I have been in a difficult position previously thanks to an ex but there is help out there. Go to your local council and ask to be put on a waiting list etc.

Unfortunately in this world nothing falls in your lap, you have to fight for it and be a pest.

Good luck hun and chin up x
 
Yes, I've made a few big decisions in life and ended up FAR happier because of them...

1. Caused major upheaval telling hubby number one I was leaving him. I didn't take my children either - that's when you really find out who your friends are. For the record, I didn't turn my back on them, I chose to leave them in the home and lifestyle that they'd had all their life rather than trying to find some grotty bedsit for the 4 of us. As it turned out, now they're grown up we're all great friends and none of them speak to their dad!

2. We are on a debt management plan. We got in over our heads on loans and credit cards so I contacted the CCCS and we are paying our debt back, but in a manageable way.

3. Gave up working 9-5 in an office to go "in service" and become a part-time housekeeper. Relocated and everything.

No regrets and have a fantastic life. :smile:
 
Oh, Russet, tears filled my eyes when I read your post - it brought back where I was some years ago.

1995 was possibly the lowest year of my life - a longterm live-in relationship ended. He left me for someone else and I thought my world had ended. I pulled myself together though and went away to stay with friends in Canada to do some travelling and sort my head out.

A month after I'd left, my beloved dog died. A friend was staying in my house looking after him. He died age 7, totally unexpectedly. What a nightmare for my poor friend too.

I came home from my travels and really started to feel the loss of my partner and dog severely.

Then a couple of months later a close friend was tragically murdered by her partner, who I also knew well - or thought I knew well.

Long story short - I plunged deep into depression. I cried all day, every day for weeks. I had no idea who or what I was crying for. I kept feeling grief for my dog but then I felt guilty for not mourning my friend more. In truth I was so shocked and scared by her death that I didn't dare open those floodgates.

After several months of this, I finally thought I couldn't take any more and picked up the phone book and called a counsellor. I saw her for about 8 sessions and she seriously saved my life. (As she also wisely pointed out, my action of calling her meant that I was already starting to emerge from the darkness into the light.)

I also had no job as I had given that up to go travelling, but eventually I found some temping work at the local council, once I was able to stop crying long enough to do a day's work (I'm not exaggerating here.)

I have had dark times since, and periods of depression but nothing like those black months, when I could barely put one foot in front of the other to walk.

I was single for several years after that break-up, which did me the world of good. I found out who I really was and stopped going out with the wrong guys. Now, 17 years later I am happily married and have no idea what I ever saw in the guy who left me way back then!

Dark times do end, and you will get through this. It takes some inner strength, which will come to you when you are ready. In the meantime be very kind to yourself. (In my dark days I found the only times I didn't weep and feel desolate was when I was bobbing in a deep bubbly bath.So I had lots of baths! Sounds trivial but it gave me valuable respite from my feelings.)

I'm not saying I would repeat that episode but I learned so much about myself from it, and I grew so much as a person. Counselling helped me enormously. It is not for everyone but you may find it worth a try.

I truly hope your dark clouds lift, Russet, and that the sunlight breaks through.
 
I agree with innocence go to CAB and council. My cousin is registered disabled, he had lots of money left to him and rows of houses. His wife spent the lot and got them into debt, then went off with someone else disabled. It was very hard on him, he came from a very good middle class home and led a very sheltered life. He managed to get a council flat quite quickly. He is know happily settled. None of us ever thought he would cope on his own but he has and he is happy.

Once you have found out what support you can get you will start to feel so much better. I feel for you, the isolation and the loneliness is just awful but you will pull through and the sun will shine again.

Stop thinking and act. Hugs and best wishes to you:smile:
 
I was thinking of you the other day and remembering your thread. I wish I could post something useful but the nearest to a really bad patch is about the last year - but that is only money wise for OH and I. Lack of it has caused major stress which in turn has had a very bad effect on OH's long term health problem. But, least we have each other!! I think it is great how you can off load and read other people's stories on here - I had no idea what some of you have had going on in your life and what you have overcome. Seems us humans lead a very complicated existence!!!

Lots of cheery vibes and hopeful ones on their way to you.
 
I'm sorry to read that Russet, times must be really hard for you right now.

My previous experience doesn't really relate although I was in a destructive relationship with a right knobhead who was a cheat, broke my heart, lead me down the garden path to say we could make it work only to do it again (and several times over, rah rah rah). I was in my early 20s and thought that was it, I'd never find this so called 'love' again, I would never get married or have kids.

The biggest and best decision I ever made was to up & move; I established a brand new start. I had returned from travelling for a year and tried to carve out a life in London but loathed the big smoke. I tried it for 6 months and then settled here in Dorset. I found a temporary job in Tesco packing bread and jamming doughnuts (yup, that's why I studied at uni for 3 years!) and eventually found more suitable work.

The advice of going to the CAB is a good one; you may well be entitled to various benefits to at least tide you over or permanently if you are not able to work. Perhaps you could look for a job doing something from home? Set up an eBay shop or something.

But whatever happens you'll be okay and you'll cope. Wanna know why? Because you don't really have much choice! Life will jog on regardless, it's making that first move which feels like the equivalent of jumping off a cliff without a parachute that's the hardest bit - but you'll get there :happy:
 
Sending hugs, I left my hubby in 2003..the 2nd of Jan to be exact. It had been failing for a while, we were both miserable and I decided I couldn't do it any more. He had a much better paid job than me but when we split the HUGE amount of debt we had from holidays and being shop-a-holics (probably the only thing we had in common) and our wedding of all things had to be devided in two. I moved home for a while eventually got my 2 cats there too before living with my best friend for a few months, she moved away and I found myself back at home....sooooo depressed. Lovely grandparents gave me a deposit for my small flat and I finally felt I was getting back on track. Worked 2 jobs for 2 years to pay off debt and basically keep my head above water...was so hard but got through it and learnt lots and lots about myself, how strong and independent I am.

You will get through it! I know it seems impossible just now, I really do but you will be ok I promise.

Look into financial/housing help now, don't leave it if you really think that is where you are headed xx
 
Hi Russet,

Sorry to hear things arn't going too well at the moment. All i can say is yes even when things are very bleak things do get better but you can never tell at the time of going through them.

Anyway, just wanted to say it is school holidays at the moment and you probably wouldn't appreciate having a meet up with my 5 children tagging along but in september they are all at school so if you wanted to meet up, maybe at Ingatestone saddlery or something and have a good chat then just let me know :)
 
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