work life/friendship clash - help!

[eventerbabe]

I am friends with one of our technicians. Both her children attend the school. She and hubby split, both now have new partners and share custody of the kids. I don't teach the older child however I have had run ins with him in the corridors. He is physically MUCH bigger than me and very rude. Now i'm a scary lady at work and i've had to knock him back into line a few times for misbehaviour in the corridors. I taught her younger child a few times. All i got was rudeness and attitude. All of which is fine, i'm a teacher, that's small fry and easy dealt with.

However my friend (their mum) has just had the weekend from hell because of their behaviour. Now, my dilemma is do i tell her that i've had issues with both of them? I wouldn't normally bother but she's been on the phone in tears. My question is, if you were my friend would you want to know how your children were behaving?

 

[sjp1]

Very difficult. The behaviour is clearly down to their split which obviously isn't very amicable and the kids are caught in the middle.

Difficult one, I know she is your friend, but kind of she is as equally responsible for their behaviour as her partner/husband. Probably if you are a good friend, yes, they clearly need to get their act together for their children, irrespective of their feelings for each other. But as to whether she will take it well, is another matter.

 

[eventerbabe]

That's what i'm worried about, how she will take it. In respect of my job, dealing with their behaviour is easy. They are rude but without the devious streak to back it up. Easily sorted with my normal tactics. I don't want to think they caused me an issue, coz they didn't. But their behaviour at school and their behaviour at home (and in regards to my friend's new partner) are most likely linked. I suppose I just wanted her to know that they are acting out and it's probably not personal. She's getting very upset about it

 

[Oldarida]

A very awkward situation for sure.
Do you have a work colleague that you trust enough to share your concerns with (in strict confidence, obviously)? One who teaches the children & knows your friend well would be preferable, if such a person exists. Two heads are better than one as the saying goes.

I suspect that the motivation for this type of behaviour is slightly different at school than it is at home - at school it's more about pushing boundaries & 'looking good' in front of your mates with little resentment when an authority figure draws a line, whereas at home there can be a real desire to be malicious & cause hurt to the parent in return for the hurt that the child is feeling.

I would suggest that you take a little time to decide whether or not to say anything (just a couple of days or so). Ultimately, you can only do what you think is best & hope it turns out OK