Getting emotionally involved?

Skib

Skib

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Dec 21, 2003
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Given the heart break when our horses die or retire, should we avoid getting emotionally involved with the horses we ride or own? So many tales on NR and also when a RS client or sharer is separated because a horse is sold on.
Is there any rider here who has remained detached?
 
I care for all my horses enormously but have clicked with certain ones. I love those ones and struggle with the idea of ever been parted with them, I am however very fussy when I sell a horse as to who buys them. They don't just get viewed once, as I want the potential buyer to see the good and bad and tbh Im happy to wait and they generally sell through word of mouth. I personally find I click with geldings more than mares but current have a 5 mares and 1 gelding ( one mare I'm just looking after) so I'm unsure how that happened, lol. Although I do think having a house/pony till the end is devastating it's also the final thing you can do for your friend, heartbreaking at the time but in time knowing your pony was looked after in it's final days as you oversaw everything is of comfort. x
 
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I am totally emotionally involved with my horses and goats.
Letting go when its time is never easy. The hardest thing to do for yourself is the "kindest" thing for them
when its time.

joellie said:
Although some people look at horses as if they are machines so I suppose they don't get that bond most people do with a horse?
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I really don't know how people can do that-- its not a LIVING THING its a commodity like a race car or a competition boat:mad::(:eek::eek::eek:
 
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When Joe died I sort of vowed never ever to become as emotionally attached to another horse. Then along came Chloe. She has completely and utterly stolen what was left of my heart. And OH's. So between the two of them, those mares of mine own me. Not the other way round!
I think some folk can ride and even own and not become involved to the degree I am. But they are rare.
 
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I am not emotionally invested in the current RS horses I ride...but that is only because I've not heen there very long. I have only ridden three of the horses, two I liked, the other I got a bad vibe from.
It is impossible to take personality out of riding, because both you and the horse will have views. Where personalities gel an emotional connection is inevitable I think. It is one of the things that makes riding rewarding.
 
I can keep myself from being over emotionally involved but over the years I've found some horses just steal your heart more than others. However if I didn't care about them all and their welfare I wouldn't have them. I've had my once in a lifetime horse and I would of done anything for him every horse is different and I have given up looking for a clone of my once in a lifetime horse years ago, I now realise each are unique and that's what makes our relationship with them so special. x
 
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Some animals steal a piece of my heart forever, some I am able to emotionally detach from quite easily - but I think that is because circumstances in my life have taught me to be able to "compartmentalise" things if needed. I am always very fond of them when they are with me though.
 
If you aren't going to become emotionally involved, particularly ones you own. then for me the question is should you have or be around horses?

Yes they break my heart, & Jim in particular is going to smash it to pieces in the not too distant future, but that's a price worth paying. Without the emotional attachment I'd miss so much, & in Jim's case that love for him has sometimes been the only thing that kept me going with a horse that was physically & mentally out of my league.- I couldn't bear to not have him so I learned, found ways around things I couldn't learn or physically do, kept getting back on when sense said no & found out more about both of us than I ever would have if I'd been more detached from him.
 
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In a word no! My horses are part of my family. It would be a lot easier to not become emotionally attached but then I'm not sure it would be worth having them in that case.

I lost Dylan at Christmas after owning him for just under ten years. I'm still having down days and little things will set me off but I would do it all again in an instant. If I had to choose between going through what I did or instead, owning Dylan but not allowing him to show me any affection, to not laugh at his antics, get frustrated when he put his stubborn head on or roll my eyes if he decided to have a strop, then I would do it all again with the highs and the deep down lows in a heartbeat

If not, then what would be the point?

Otto is 20 and we have owned him since he was 5...when his time comes I will be a wreck but that's ok, it's natural and I would be more worried if I didn't feel the way I do.
 
I remained detached in a way, from horses I knew we had bred to sell. It was my job to find them good homes and let someone else have that deep relationship.
However the majority we sold ended up in good homes, one or two ended up in dire circumstances. All happy now, One who ended up with the RSPCA and WHW was recently at Royal Windsor. But for a year she was in a living hell.

This is why I will never breed and sell another horse. One is one too many, and there are far , far too many Shetland ponies in the UK anyway,
the horses I have now will stay with me till either he or I drop dead.
I have allowed myself to become deeply attached to horses who are with me for life. Same with my dogs and cats. I have never rehomed a cat or dog
 
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There would be little point in my mind if we didn't invest emotionally, its not all about the riding but the relationship and caring for our equine friends for me anyway.
I had nobby cob a few years ago, he was a colt in a rough state, I brought him home, wormed him, de-loused him, fed him up and handled him and then found him a new home, I wasn't devastated when he went because that was always the plan for him, it still left a hole though.
 
I asked this question because I was so deeply paired with Maisie for so many years that I couldn't buy a horse of my own. In theory I should have gone shopping as soon as Maisie retired. But instead I lost interest. And now I am repeating that behaviour with another mare.
It isn't just in one's heart. One calculates at each moment how to ride a particular horse, and it becomes something that other riders can't duplicate. And which I can't reproduce on every horse. One is flattered by the partnership but also dependent on it.

I am sure if I had been a man , I would have gone shopping for a horse. I would have had technique and detachment. I would have done the homework and studied conformation and prices and breeders.
 
mu0ljk said:
I lost Dylan at Christmas after owning him for just under ten years. I'm still having down days and little things will set me off but I would do it all again in an instant
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I lost Max 6 years ago and still get those days.
Even with Rebel, Sunny the first and Bucky and Matty the goat.
Its always better when it brings back a fond memory.

Wally said:
I remained detached in a way, from horses I knew we had bred to sell.
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I am sure as a breeder it can be hard at times- you have to be the type of person to be able to breed and sell.
Its a good point you bring up that you sell them on to the people that develop the deep relationship.

.
That must have been hard for you with the ones that did not turn out so well at first.
So glad it turned around in the end.
All my animals are with me for life as well.
 
Wally said:
. . . However the majority we sold ended up in good homes, one or two ended up in dire circumstances. All happy now, One who ended up with the RSPCA and WHW was recently at Royal Windsor. But for a year she was in a living hell. . .
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I know the people who have this mare, and I can truthfully say she's well & truly fallen on her feet :)
 
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She was named after a fierce little old lady in the village, If she heard me call her a little old lady she would haunt me. I hope what she has now makes up for all the yuck she went through before, certainly looks fantastic now.
 
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