Apologies for sounding upset but would really appreciate some advice from other riders. I'm an adult rider and have been riding on and off for about 5 years. I'm a nervous rider and so I find that it takes me longer to pick things up than other riders and I initially took a break from riding when I was being taught to jump. I felt very uncomfortable with it at the time and eventually I just kept falling off every jump I jumped which shattered my confidence. I started lessons again about a year ago and found my old fears kept coming back but I plodded on as I really enjoyed riding and being around horses. However, I'm currently in a group lesson and the other people in the class are coming on in leaps and bounds while I feel like I'm consistently bad. I can just about canter a 20m circle, just about do sitting trot but I can't even do a turn on the forehand. I'm now at the point where I just feel like a complete idiot every week and that I'm probably the butt of everyone else's jokes because I am so incompetent while they're forging ahead and I'm holding them back. I don't want to but am now thinking of quitting lessons for good as I might need to face the fact that I am, and probably always will be a bad rider even though I try my best to understand the horse and what I need to tell them. My aim was to get to a point where any horse I rode would think I was a good rider and I would be more than happy with achieving that but I feel like everyone else laughs at my attempts at trying to progress and I just can't deal with that anymore. Could anyone please give me some advice? I'm very upset about this and can't stop crying because I feel such a failure. Many thanks for taking the time to read this and apologies for going on.
Am I a bad rider? Very upset.
- Thread starter BlackBess
- Start date
have you considered private lessons? my old rs did lunge lessons for begginers or people who were nervous as you could concentrate on your riding instead of what the horse is doing!
that way you wouldnt have to worry about keeping up with others in your lesson and you would get much more instruction!
that way you wouldnt have to worry about keeping up with others in your lesson and you would get much more instruction!
Don't despair - everyone learns at different rates, it doesn't make people better or worse riders just different. Isn't there any way you could change groups to one with people at the same level just to stop feeling so self concious? There are plenty of riders out there who have had their confidence knocked and it is a hard thing to regain and does take time but it is not impossible if you take it slow.
The important point in your post is that you say you enjoy riding and being around horses - if that is the case then don't let anyone else put you off
The important point in your post is that you say you enjoy riding and being around horses - if that is the case then don't let anyone else put you off
I agree with skewbald-mad, private lessons might help you concentrate on you more. They cost some more but you get one to one tuition & can work on the bits you feel you need to work on. Importantly make sure you have an RI who understands you & the way you are feeling - that alone will help you feel better about yourself. Also if there are things you don't feel you are ready for (like jumping!) don't do it. Work on something else until you feel confident enough to give it a go. Remember to enjoy it (that why we do it right?!) & to hell with everyone else.
Everyone feels like this at some point. I do regularly when people on my yard swan off doing british dressage. But I just think, you know what, I'm enjoying what I do, I'm enjoying my horse. Nothing else matters.
Everyone feels like this at some point. I do regularly when people on my yard swan off doing british dressage. But I just think, you know what, I'm enjoying what I do, I'm enjoying my horse. Nothing else matters.
You poor thing, chin up.
I know things can feel a bit bleak, but if you want a different perspective on things, you are a far better rider than I am. Everyones got their own level, and their own pace. I wonder maybe if the fact that you are feeling bad about things will also make you a bit slower to learn? Worrying for others rather than concentratin on yourself?
Why don't you have a few private lessons, then you can just enjoy only doing exactly what you want, and you don't even have to progress for a while if you don't want to, you can just consolidate what you know.
And I would also say if you don't really like the jumping, then don't do it. You don't have too. I intend to keep all four legs firmly planted on the groud, I think if I get more experience I'll head towards dressage!
Are the others in your group adults too? I find young 'uns are much more gung-ho and don't think about the dangers so much, so are much more confident and learn faster.
You need to try and think 'sod 'em', and just be selfish and enjoy it.
I know things can feel a bit bleak, but if you want a different perspective on things, you are a far better rider than I am. Everyones got their own level, and their own pace. I wonder maybe if the fact that you are feeling bad about things will also make you a bit slower to learn? Worrying for others rather than concentratin on yourself?
Why don't you have a few private lessons, then you can just enjoy only doing exactly what you want, and you don't even have to progress for a while if you don't want to, you can just consolidate what you know.
And I would also say if you don't really like the jumping, then don't do it. You don't have too. I intend to keep all four legs firmly planted on the groud, I think if I get more experience I'll head towards dressage!
Are the others in your group adults too? I find young 'uns are much more gung-ho and don't think about the dangers so much, so are much more confident and learn faster.
You need to try and think 'sod 'em', and just be selfish and enjoy it.
I think, if possible, you should look into having private lessons - that way your RI can really focus on what you need, and not the progress of a big group. I have confidence issues too and I find it hard being in a situation where you are comparing yourself to other riders. It can seem like they are all laughing at you, but I don't suppose they are (and if they really are, then they are showing themselves to be cruel and ignorant and you shouldn't worry about them 
)
One on one tuition can really help you improve as the instructor will be focusing on you and not a group of riders at various levels.
If private lessons are a no go, then maybe you should discuss you concerns with your RI? Any good instructor will take time to listen to your needs and will want to help you improve at your own pace.
Don't despair - confidence is something that many riders suffer with, but with the right support you will be able to beat it, and it shouldn't stop you from enjoying riding and being around horses.
)One on one tuition can really help you improve as the instructor will be focusing on you and not a group of riders at various levels.
If private lessons are a no go, then maybe you should discuss you concerns with your RI? Any good instructor will take time to listen to your needs and will want to help you improve at your own pace.
Don't despair - confidence is something that many riders suffer with, but with the right support you will be able to beat it, and it shouldn't stop you from enjoying riding and being around horses.
if you can afford private lessons then it might be the way to get you over your plateau, then you could go back to group lessons. i am a (part time) instructor, and i can definitely confirm that everyone learns at different rates. i am not and have never been a natural rider, every ounce of my progress was hard won - so i do sympathise.
we learn things in leaps and bounds - we progress quickly for a while, and then we plateau and it's often very hard to get over the hump and start on another climbing phase.
or if your school offers hacking, how about hacking for a while? if you can canter then you should be safe out and about, and it'll help regain your enjoyment and remind you while you do it., as well as offering some hours inthe saddle without pressure. a lot of riding is about just that - huors inthe saddle, building muscle and getting fit, and it's hard to do that when riding only for an hour a week.
we learn things in leaps and bounds - we progress quickly for a while, and then we plateau and it's often very hard to get over the hump and start on another climbing phase.
or if your school offers hacking, how about hacking for a while? if you can canter then you should be safe out and about, and it'll help regain your enjoyment and remind you while you do it., as well as offering some hours inthe saddle without pressure. a lot of riding is about just that - huors inthe saddle, building muscle and getting fit, and it's hard to do that when riding only for an hour a week.
All the horse cares about is whether you are hurting him!
When I am teaching folk to drive, some are appologising to the horse for confusing him all the time because they knew they got a command wrong and instead of turning when they wanted or in the direction the wanted it went wrong.......as far as the horse was concerned he did was was required of him. It only confuses him if he got told off for doing what he thought was right.....if you get my drift.
Sit down and ask yourself what it is you want to get out of riding. If you want to jump and show then best keep with the lessons, if all you want to do is ride and relax and enjoy riding a horse, just go hacking each week. Your balance and ability will improve out and about just as much as as lesson.
The only time I use a turn on the forhand is opening gates.
When I am teaching folk to drive, some are appologising to the horse for confusing him all the time because they knew they got a command wrong and instead of turning when they wanted or in the direction the wanted it went wrong.......as far as the horse was concerned he did was was required of him. It only confuses him if he got told off for doing what he thought was right.....if you get my drift.
Sit down and ask yourself what it is you want to get out of riding. If you want to jump and show then best keep with the lessons, if all you want to do is ride and relax and enjoy riding a horse, just go hacking each week. Your balance and ability will improve out and about just as much as as lesson.
The only time I use a turn on the forhand is opening gates.
Its not your fault! We all learn in different ways as well as at different rates. Some people learn by doing, some learn by going home and working thru' it then coming back to it having assimilated/rationalised things and trying again. It could be that this instructor's terminology just doesn't suit you. Don't feel inadequate, empower yourself to change it. Try the private lessons route, but also ask for another instructor. My friend was having a dressage lesson, the trainer was patiently explaining about a serpentine, she had about three goes at it, each time the loops were uneven, and her lines wiggly. He tried walking it out for her and showing her the points she had to hit to make the loops even, still she wasn't able to do it. After about 15 minutes and seeing her increasing frustration I shouted across to her, "Look for your next fence", (she's a showjumper not a dressage person but does flat work to improve her jumping) She immediately started to look and move her head and did a perfect serpentine. Because she had once been told to look between her horse's ears she felt she had to do sl all the time and couldn't look around in dressage. The point of the tale being sometimes its the way things are put that makes the difference. You should also not feel bad about not jumping and should not feel pressured to do so. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be a competant rider that never leaves the floor, many of us cease to do so as we get older anyway, so don't allow yourself to be pressured to do so. Remember its your lesson, you are paying for it and it should meet your needs. I accept that its hard to meet the needs of all within a group, but if that session consistantly fails to meet your needs that its the wrong group lesson for you. Might i also suggest some sessions on a mechanical horse if there's one available near you, does wonders for your balance and confidence and helps you to concentrate on your body position without having to steer or worrying about the unexpected. Stay strong, focus on what YOU need and make it happen. We're routing for you, oh and keep us posted on your progress.
Try not to worry- I'd take private lessons if I were you. It's like driving - you take a few lessons, then suddenly you hit a brick wall, and then it all clicks into place
It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I'd say the key is to enjoy the lesson (you're paying enough for it), and do things in your own good time- hence private lessons!!
I've never been interested in competing or anything or than a bit of jumping, a hack etc - move at your own pace and be happy
It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I'd say the key is to enjoy the lesson (you're paying enough for it), and do things in your own good time- hence private lessons!!
I've never been interested in competing or anything or than a bit of jumping, a hack etc - move at your own pace and be happy
Don't be so hard on yourself - you sound as though you are doing quite well. Some people hate jumping and there is absolutely no point doing that if you are uncomfortable with it.
As everyone has said - definately take private lessons if possible. Although more expensive and are shorter you get to do so much more during the lesson. RI concentrates on you and will be able to work on areas that you are having difficulty with (most of us have a few).
Also I presume you are learning to ride for enjoyable hobby!! The summer is coming up and there is sometimes nothing better than a relaxing hack out into the country enjoying the sunshine and your horse.
Keep us all posted - we're with you all the way
As everyone has said - definately take private lessons if possible. Although more expensive and are shorter you get to do so much more during the lesson. RI concentrates on you and will be able to work on areas that you are having difficulty with (most of us have a few
).Also I presume you are learning to ride for enjoyable hobby!! The summer is coming up and there is sometimes nothing better than a relaxing hack out into the country enjoying the sunshine and your horse.
Keep us all posted - we're with you all the way
Hi Black Bess,
Firstly, very few of us are ever goig to be superb riders - we're nearly all improvers. And that's all you have to worry about - that you're improving - which clearly you are because you can do things now that you couldn't a few months ago. The only person to judge yourself against is - yourself.
It's paramount that you enjoy it - why do we bother otherwise? - and being a good horseperson isn't about feeling happy facing a 3ft 6 track. It's about doing all we can to learn about the horse, sympathise with the horse, build a relationship with a horse. If you can afford it, take a four day break at a riding centre, where you can spend time learning about other aspects of the horse which may well help you with your general confidence. It'll also mean that you have a bit of a turbo boost to your riding education, and a mini break too! Cheer up - just look at that wonderful creature, the horse, and remember why it was that you wanted to do it in the first place. To spend time with that amazing creature, from whom we're ALL still learning.
Firstly, very few of us are ever goig to be superb riders - we're nearly all improvers. And that's all you have to worry about - that you're improving - which clearly you are because you can do things now that you couldn't a few months ago. The only person to judge yourself against is - yourself.
It's paramount that you enjoy it - why do we bother otherwise? - and being a good horseperson isn't about feeling happy facing a 3ft 6 track. It's about doing all we can to learn about the horse, sympathise with the horse, build a relationship with a horse. If you can afford it, take a four day break at a riding centre, where you can spend time learning about other aspects of the horse which may well help you with your general confidence. It'll also mean that you have a bit of a turbo boost to your riding education, and a mini break too! Cheer up - just look at that wonderful creature, the horse, and remember why it was that you wanted to do it in the first place. To spend time with that amazing creature, from whom we're ALL still learning.
i have just got through the same point
i thought about quitting so much! but then i realised with a little bit of self confidence and thinking i can do this i had the best ride of my life last saturday! if you want to PM your more than welcome, or if you ever want a chat just PM me because i know exactly how hard it can be when you feel a bad rider! you aren't a bad rider at all!
chin up, keep at it and you will get through it!
sorry if i am no help at all, we all have bad days some have them more than others but i am still today chuffed to bits and look like that>> after the best ride! also as others say try a private, another thing that helped me through it, was after riding Moff's(she's on here) horse and doing things i never imagined i could do, if it is an option for you i strongly advise it as it works wonders for confidence its the best thing i did!
Chin up hope you feel better and sorry for rambling but you aren't on your own xxx
i thought about quitting so much! but then i realised with a little bit of self confidence and thinking i can do this i had the best ride of my life last saturday! if you want to PM your more than welcome, or if you ever want a chat just PM me because i know exactly how hard it can be when you feel a bad rider! you aren't a bad rider at all!
chin up, keep at it and you will get through it!
sorry if i am no help at all, we all have bad days some have them more than others but i am still today chuffed to bits and look like that>>
after the best ride! also as others say try a private, another thing that helped me through it, was after riding Moff's(she's on here) horse and doing things i never imagined i could do, if it is an option for you i strongly advise it as it works wonders for confidence its the best thing i did!Chin up hope you feel better and sorry for rambling but you aren't on your own xxx
Definitely private lessons if poss and change RS! Oh my God, the ignorance of some people! Having said that, tho, if you can, chin up and put up with the immaturity of these other idiots: when I switched RS, I wasn't used to being watched and having other riders in the school and tons of people in the gallery but looking back, it was quite useful cos I was more aware of what I was doing and concentrated more (and was able to follow them schooling before I really knew what I was doing!) Also, it's quite handy to have advice/different points of view but I agree, it puts you off soooooooooooo much. DO NOT GIVE UP! This is the best sport in the world! Think of the good bits and concentrate on those. Be optimistic and work towards your personal goals. I get upset, hearing about others and their amazing competition wins when I'm quite happy hacking and popping teeny jumps-that's my achievement and no-one else is allowed to take that away from me. Why don't you make some pointed comments to the idiots?
Hi Blackbess,
DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP!! Do what you are comfortable with. Take no notice of what other people say or think! You sound such a lovely person and bet the horse you ride gets on better with you than most others, because you seem sincere and caring! As others have said, do what you feel confortable with and go at your own pace! Have fun and make it fun!!
DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP!! Do what you are comfortable with. Take no notice of what other people say or think! You sound such a lovely person and bet the horse you ride gets on better with you than most others, because you seem sincere and caring! As others have said, do what you feel confortable with and go at your own pace! Have fun and make it fun!!
I have been riding for nearly 6 years, can't quite sit trot, bump and grip up going into canter, can't do leg yield properly never mind a turn on the forehand, have terrible balance, cooridination (dysphraxic) and feel - and the thing is, I could do most of those things when I had only been riding for a few months. :-/ This is because I am not taught these things but struggle along determindly using the theory ...
You are NOT alone - hang on in there, and chin up chicks! Private lesssons - on and off the lunger preferably - at your own pace should all help - and keep practising!!
:-D
x
You are NOT alone - hang on in there, and chin up chicks! Private lesssons - on and off the lunger preferably - at your own pace should all help - and keep practising!!
:-D
x
Please don't be so hard on yourself - I do the same thing very often, and it's just bad, bad news!
The thing is just to enjoy it at whatever level we can manage. Don't think any of us are going to be at next Olympics or even managing to win a rosette at a local show. But it doesn't matter.
We're doing it because we love horses and want to do something outside of our normal lives. I also agree with going for private lessons. They are so much better.
Also, if you look at thread at what some top riders do to make their horses compete more successfully, compared to that, we "rubbish" riders are by far their superiors because we would never abuse our horses like that.
The thing is just to enjoy it at whatever level we can manage. Don't think any of us are going to be at next Olympics or even managing to win a rosette at a local show. But it doesn't matter.
We're doing it because we love horses and want to do something outside of our normal lives. I also agree with going for private lessons. They are so much better.
Also, if you look at thread at what some top riders do to make their horses compete more successfully, compared to that, we "rubbish" riders are by far their superiors because we would never abuse our horses like that.
If I was your instructor I would be mortified because my philosophy is that...
'If the pupil hasn't learnt then the teacher hasn't taught'
We all learn at different speeds and use different learning strategies to do so. It is the job of a teacher/trainer/coach whatever they like to call themselves to use appropriate methods so that you do learn. That is what they are paid for.
It may be, as other people here have suggested, that the group lesson format is not the best learning environment for you. I suggest that you have a frank discussion with your RI and see what they have to offer you.
Best of luck whatever, but don't give up riding on the basis of this false start.
'If the pupil hasn't learnt then the teacher hasn't taught'
We all learn at different speeds and use different learning strategies to do so. It is the job of a teacher/trainer/coach whatever they like to call themselves to use appropriate methods so that you do learn. That is what they are paid for.
It may be, as other people here have suggested, that the group lesson format is not the best learning environment for you. I suggest that you have a frank discussion with your RI and see what they have to offer you.
Best of luck whatever, but don't give up riding on the basis of this false start.
Thank you to everyone for your wonderful replies. I've been really touched by your kindness, support and encouragement. I had another lesson the other night and I decided it was the last straw for being in group lessons. The group lesson thing is not working for me at all and I have asked to go back to private lessons but at the moment there are none available. I was in private lessons originally but then something happened and we got put together for group lessons but at least I've made it known that I want to go back to private lessons. I work at a much slower pace than most people but it's because I want to get things right, I have problems with my position and rely on the reins far too much. So I wanted to go back to basics and work on developing a secure position and learning how to refine my aids and then from there sitting trot, ST without stirrups, cantering, cantering without stirrups and then when I'm comfortable with that to progress on to a little bit of jumping (just teeny jumps and a bit of grid work). I feel that there is no point me moving on until I can communicate clearly to a horse what I am asking them to do. In previous group lessons (at another RS), I saw riders who would brag about being able to bully a horse into submission by kicking etc. That horrified me and I promised myself that I never wanted to be like that, even if other people laugh at me for it. I don't want to compete or anything like that, my goal is to get to the point where if I ride (or hopefully own) a horse, the horse will think that I am a good, sympathetic rider who can give clear aids and who can trust me - that is all I want and if I get to that standard, I'll be over the moon. I was warned off the current horse I ride by other people in the lesson who said this horse was a nightmare and that's another reason I hate group lessons. This horse is the most giving horse I have ever met and just needs a bit of confidence, so I talk to her to encourage her and tell her when she's done well and how proud of her I am. For that, I get laughed at by the others but I don't care, that's me. I am definitely going to look into going on a riding holiday, to build up my confidence and be around horses more. Thank you again so much for taking the trouble to reply - I really appreciate it.
If you can afford it go to Iceland and go riding there! You'll come back with a silly grin, you will! Costs an arm and a leg, but fun fun fun fun fun.
take absolutley no notice of the opinions of fellow trainee riders in your lessons. Their opinion on a horse is not particularly helpful. If you get on with the horse ride it, if they can't that's their problem and shows their lack of skill and shows you for having a bit of empathy and understanding, and that is FAR more important in a good rider than being able to jump 5 foot spreads!
take absolutley no notice of the opinions of fellow trainee riders in your lessons. Their opinion on a horse is not particularly helpful. If you get on with the horse ride it, if they can't that's their problem and shows their lack of skill and shows you for having a bit of empathy and understanding, and that is FAR more important in a good rider than being able to jump 5 foot spreads!
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