Another confidence knock

Suzy-q560

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Dec 1, 2016
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Sorry for the long story first.. I thought I had found the horse of my dreams which turned out to be the horse of my nightmares. It was returned after various checks suspicion was a back issue, I spent 2 months on a crow hopping maniac. She was exchanged for a lovely rising 8 year old mare however a little nervous. I rode her for 2 weeks solid at her current yard and she was amazing but the move to her new yard shook her up a bit. Over the next 2 weeks I took things slowly but I knew she was aware of the change in her surroundings then last week she spooked big style initially I came off and and got back on not realising I had knocked myself out then she spooked again this time she tried to run/jump over the gate depositing me at the other side. I have various soft tissue injuries but nothing broken except my confidence. I don't blame her as I don't think she has had a kind life up till now but I'm worried about the what ifs when I get back on. I'm thinking about going back to basics trying to get help with ground work to work with the bond between each other and to try and build our confidence in each other. Just wondering what others might do?
 
You and I are part of a very very large and growing statistic of new owners who have trouble in the first 1-2months of horse ownership.
I maintain all horses, even the most stoic, will have a period of adjustment to a new owner and after a couple of weeks they will test their place in the herd, pushing to see what sort of position in the herd they will need to have. Personally when my horse asked this question, I didn't answer appropriately and as a result he didn't trust my leadership and took matters into his own hands. He would spook at anything, made his own entertainment and just generally had my quivering in my boots. I thought he would be the horse to look after me but he was nothing of the sort.
It was a huge turn around for me to realise that actually he was looking for me to be the leader and look after him. So I started small. Lots of moving his feet around via groundwork and walking out in hand all helped as herd leaders push their herd round the field and if you control the feet, you're in charge. If my horse didn't listen, he got backed up.
I realise now that a lot of experienced horse folk don't have the same difficult first few weeks and months with a horse because they just naturally take charge and take no shit. It's not that we are wet blankets but we just need to become the herd leaders that our horses need.
I spent four wonderful years on here writing a diary about our journey back to confidence after I fell off within two weeks of getting my boy. We did a lot of stuff, groundwork, retraining, lessons etc. I'd just set your expectations low, its winter so this is the time to build the bond, don't aim high, break down the target into the tiniest of steps and you'll probably find you exceed your expectations sooner than you thought. If you eventually want to be able to hack out, think first step to be able to walk him round the yard, then in the school then down the track, then all round one small route, then with tack on, then just being able to mount, etc etc.
I think the temptation is to say it's the horse, but in truth it's the interaction of the horse and owner. I witnessed on a regular basis that my horse would become the most chilled out dude when taken by an experienced horse person (and. Btw i didn't think I was too inexperienced as I'd had ponies for ten years as a kid!) and it just proved that it was possible for us to sort out our issues. We just needed to become a good team, it doesn't happen overnight but it can happen. Seven years later I am testament to that. I have my horse of a lifetime and am so proud we got here.
 
^^^^^ this with bells and whistles on.

A horse that's nervy when moved needs you to show him the ropes, take charge and confidently lead them, if you don't they can get spooky and panicy and things can go down hill fast. It can be repaired if you want to do it, its a big job and no one would think any less if you decided not to but the rewards are big if you decide to go that way and you will learn heaps along the way :)
 
Echo what the others have said. I'd just add that you can show leadership- or absence of leadership - in every single interaction. My daughters pony Oscar will become sillier and spookier when ridden if my daughter relaxes her expectations of his manners on the ground. You need to be clearly in charge all the time. And by that I don't mean be rough or hard but be the one who controls all 4 feet all the time. Eg backing away politely from the door if you go to put hay or feed in the stable, waiting politely on a loose lead rope if you stop to chat to a friend while turning out, yielding away if you open a gate and need him to step back and across etc etc etc. Horses are far happier and more relaxed when they feel they can turn decision making over to a consistent and fair leader. On the other hand if they don't have faith in your leadership they feel they are responsible for their own safety and will take matters into their own hands. it's not naughtiness its self preservation.
 
You and I are part of a very very large and growing statistic of new owners who have trouble in the first 1-2months of horse ownership.
I maintain all horses, even the most stoic, will have a period of adjustment to a new owner and after a couple of weeks they will test their place in the herd, pushing to see what sort of position in the herd they will need to have. Personally when my horse asked this question, I didn't answer appropriately and as a result he didn't trust my leadership and took matters into his own hands. He would spook at anything, made his own entertainment and just generally had my quivering in my boots. I thought he would be the horse to look after me but he was nothing of the sort.
It was a huge turn around for me to realise that actually he was looking for me to be the leader and look after him. So I started small. Lots of moving his feet around via groundwork and walking out in hand all helped as herd leaders push their herd round the field and if you control the feet, you're in charge. If my horse didn't listen, he got backed up.
I realise now that a lot of experienced horse folk don't have the same difficult first few weeks and months with a horse because they just naturally take charge and take no shit. It's not that we are wet blankets but we just need to become the herd leaders that our horses need.
I spent four wonderful years on here writing a diary about our journey back to confidence after I fell off within two weeks of getting my boy. We did a lot of stuff, groundwork, retraining, lessons etc. I'd just set your expectations low, its winter so this is the time to build the bond, don't aim high, break down the target into the tiniest of steps and you'll probably find you exceed your expectations sooner than you thought. If you eventually want to be able to hack out, think first step to be able to walk him round the yard, then in the school then down the track, then all round one small route, then with tack on, then just being able to mount, etc etc.
I think the temptation is to say it's the horse, but in truth it's the interaction of the horse and owner. I witnessed on a regular basis that my horse would become the most chilled out dude when taken by an experienced horse person (and. Btw i didn't think I was too inexperienced as I'd had ponies for ten years as a kid!) and it just proved that it was possible for us to sort out our issues. We just needed to become a good team, it doesn't happen overnight but it can happen. Seven years later I am testament to that. I have my horse of a lifetime and am so proud we got here.

Thanks for your reply worded amazingly and I do want this partnership to work and I'm happy not to rush it. I just want her to be able to take that deep breath and know that she is safe. I get myself into rut and over analyse everything looking for answers and sometimes I just need to take a breath and relax which she probably picks up on. I have plenty of time and if it means working her in hand that's what I'll do. I started yesterday and she isn't too sure what I'm asking and when I ask her to back up she snorts like a dragon but moves off my touch from side to side. Lunging is going to take time she hasn't got a clue what I'm doing to her but she isn't rushing, just doesn't understand the commands. I started her on the Naf Magic but to be honest I think she appears more nervous but this might be because of her experiences last weekend. She has a lovely nature and looks fantastic in work so I think it'll be worth the time and effort to preserve. I have asked for help and I have found someone to take me back to the basics and hopefully we can learn together. Thanks again for your reply just what I needed to hear.
 
How long have you been riding? Is this your first horse? It takes time to develop a seat that means you can sit a spook! I know this from very recent experience as my horse Roxy does like to do big sideways spooks, I'm used to them, but when I advertised for a sharer, she had her off twice in three rides. I think when you're a bit tense, you're also a bit unbalanced, which feeds back to the horse and can cause a bit of a vicious cycle. But don't worry, I went through a teething phase with Roxy and we came through it, it's usually just a question of getting to know each other.
 
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Totally agree with @Flipo's Mum. When I tried charlie he was calm, confident really good. Got him home and as the weeks went by he got more and more underconfident in himself resulting in napping and just not himself he was worried about daft things. I know now it was becasue I was not taking charge enough I was not a novice but I was treating him like my old faithful who I knew inside out when the reality was he was a 6 year old competition pony who had been at the same home from a 2 year old before moving miles away to a new home. He needed me to be a leader for him to trust me. He needed telling rather than asking. As @KP nut said I find even what you do on the ground reinforces behaviour. They need to see you as the leader. It's taken me over 12 months and it really knocked my confidence as a rider and a owner but we're back and he's so good now, not going to lie there was plenty of times I got angry, cried threatened to sell him when he wasn't really doing anything wrong it was just the relationship that needed work.
 
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How long have you been riding? Is this your first horse? It takes time to develop a seat that means you can sit a spook! I know this from very recent experience as my horse Roxy does like to do big sideways spooks, I'm used to them, but when I advertised for a sharer, she had her off twice in three rides. I think when you're a bit tense, you're also a bit unbalanced, which feeds back to the horse and can cause a bit of a vicious cycle. But don't worry, I went through a teething phase with Roxy and we came through it, it's usually just a question of getting to know each other.

No she isn't my first horse, I've been riding for many years although I returned to it just over a year ago after having a break to have children. The issue wasn't the spook if it had just been a run of the mill spook that would have been fine but it unfortunately came with speed and the fear of no control which resulted in me being thrown into the arena fence breaking the fence and knocking me out. I have only really fallen from one other horse and that was my fault asking for something incorrectly but I've never experienced the fear of being out of control and that's what seems to be affecting me more. Why did it happen and how couldn't I stop her!
As I mentioned my new mare was a replacement to a horse I had previously bought who turned out to be a nightmare through no fault of her own she was sold with an undisclosed back issue.
 
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Echo what the others have said. I'd just add that you can show leadership- or absence of leadership - in every single interaction. My daughters pony Oscar will become sillier and spookier when ridden if my daughter relaxes her expectations of his manners on the ground. You need to be clearly in charge all the time. And by that I don't mean be rough or hard but be the one who controls all 4 feet all the time. Eg backing away politely from the door if you go to put hay or feed in the stable, waiting politely on a loose lead rope if you stop to chat to a friend while turning out, yielding away if you open a gate and need him to step back and across etc etc etc. Horses are far happier and more relaxed when they feel they can turn decision making over to a consistent and fair leader. On the other hand if they don't have faith in your leadership they feel they are responsible for their own safety and will take matters into their own hands. it's not naughtiness its self preservation.

This is exactly why so many folk comment that a horse is fantastic for the likes of the farrier and the odd friend or riding instructor who pops in, does the tiniest bit of work with them and it makes it seem so easy but in reality it's easy to be firm and disciplined with a horse for an hour, but when it's every single interaction that forms that respect, you just can't afford to let them take an inch. It's definitely why so many of us horse owners have issues as there's too much emotion wrapped up in it, where as these riding instructors Farriers and vets can seem like they've got the knack. They're not so emotionally invested!

Glad to hear you're determined suzy, patience is key and it sounds like you've got the balls to give it a go. I get really frustrated when folk who've lost their confidence completely blame the horse and can't see that they have some work to do themselves. I learnt that the hard way as I had that immediate reaction myself but getting help is fab (although don't defer to them completely, as you might inadvertently pass over control to that help and the horse will then see them as a leader but not you!)
Lunging was beyond us as well, I still can't lunge my boy for peanuts. I've been shown heaps of times but my boy is so good at reading me and telling me I'm doing it wrong. I gave up TBH! There's some suggestions about a similar thing to join up, and I used to do it quite regularly before mounting up to help calm my nerves. I'd take him into the school tacked up and id wander aimlessly, changing direction on a whim, stopping, backing up, moving him over and I wouldn't get on until I was happy we were in sync and he was listening.
Spook busting is also a fab exercise, there are heaps of things you can introduce your horse to, I did such stupid stuff, wandered round my field covered In a tarp, put balloons up, umbrellas, my gym ball, plastic bags. It's all fun stuff and could be done day to day rather than as a proper schooling session.
It will help you see your horse's reaction to novel objects and along with walking out inhand it will help reassure you of what reactions you can expect.
Mine had a run first think later mentality and I eventually started clicker training to get my boy to investigate stuff. They put new farm machinery in the corner of a stubble field near us and I took him up to it and did clicker to get him to touch it. Now any time I bring something new near him, he's hopeful he's going to get feed and is happy to nose it. But then he now trusts that I'm saying it's ok as well so he's more confident in himself. Shove someone else who doesn't give him confidence though, and he instantly returns to his former self. Half of it is him being a chancer as he wants to go home, the other half is genuine worry. Horses are such wonderful creatures and it sounds like yours is going to tell you exactly when you're doing the right or wrong thing. If you're not getting the response you want, chances are you're not asking the right question and need to look at your own actions. That will make it so much more rewarding when you do get it right!
Good luck, sorry for the essay and keep us posted x
 
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No she isn't my first horse, I've been riding for many years although I returned to it just over a year ago after having a break to have children. The issue wasn't the spook if it had just been a run of the mill spook that would have been fine but it unfortunately came with speed and the fear of no control which resulted in me being thrown into the arena fence breaking the fence and knocking me out. I have only really fallen from one other horse and that was my fault asking for something incorrectly but I've never experienced the fear of being out of control and that's what seems to be affecting me more. Why did it happen and how couldn't I stop her!
As I mentioned my new mare was a replacement to a horse I had previously bought who turned out to be a nightmare through no fault of her own she was sold with an undisclosed back issue.

Riding and that fear of being out-of-control is more scary when you've had kids! I used to love risk-taking but I think once you're a mum, you're more aware that you really can't afford to break anything as who else is going to take the kids to school! Well that's how it is with me anyway, amplified slightly by guilt that I have this hobby that has nothing to do with the kids or my family at all! It does sounds like a pretty terrifying incident by anyone's standards though, you wouldn't be human if you didn't have some anxieties about getting on again. Any thoughts at all on why it happened? What was it that spooked her? It sounds like quite an extreme reaction from her. But then again, they definitely are more extreme in their behaviour until they get to know you. I have a new horse at the moment too - had her three weeks - she is very laidback and calm which I think is partly her personality and partly because my other horse Roxy is so clearly the boss (she always is!) that Angel seems happy to be her lieutenant!
 
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Riding and that fear of being out-of-control is more scary when you've had kids! I used to love risk-taking but I think once you're a mum, you're more aware that you really can't afford to break anything as who else is going to take the kids to school! Well that's how it is with me anyway, amplified slightly by guilt that I have this hobby that has nothing to do with the kids or my family at all! It does sounds like a pretty terrifying incident by anyone's standards though, you wouldn't be human if you didn't have some anxieties about getting on again. Any thoughts at all on why it happened? What was it that spooked her? It sounds like quite an extreme reaction from her. But then again, they definitely are more extreme in their behaviour until they get to know you. I have a new horse at the moment too - had her three weeks - she is very laidback and calm which I think is partly her personality and partly because my other horse Roxy is so clearly the boss (she always is!) that Angel seems happy to be her lieutenant!

She has been aware of noises coming from the neighbouring property over that last few weekends and when she is near the opening that backs onto the property at the far corner of the arena I feel her anxiety so I talk to her and reassure her. I think on Saturday the noises were louder and weren't consistent more off then on, so when I had turned her towards the corner the noise could be heard all of a sudden and off she went. I have spoken to another new Livery and her gelding is the same in that corner. I think she just took off rather than bolted as when I opened my eyes she was standing over me looking down. I'm sure if it had been a true bolt she wouldn't have stopped. I believe where she was previously it took her some time to settle so I just need to take it slowly and the ground trust can develop into the saddle. And I think your correct the older you are you don't have the same response to falling off.
 
Yes, if it was a true bolt she definitely wouldn't have stopped when you came off. Bolting is a pure save-your-own-skin flight response to danger. So that's good! A big spook is manageable, a bolter is much more of a worry. They do often have spooky corners in schools - there's one place (the BCA) I ride at sometimes where I can't see anything weird, but Roxy just HATES it, even getting her in there is a struggle and she feels completely tense until we leave again!
 
All horses need time to settle into their new homes. Even my saintly safe as houses horse spooked and took off with me when we first rode in an indoor school. It was new to him and he was scared. Just take the pressure off and take things slowly.
 
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Just a wee update I have found a lovely instructor who is going to help me with my girl. She spent some time with her today and she is of the opinion that whoever had her before basically did the basics with her to move her on without kindness and she is very nervous and unsure of what she is being asked. So we are going back to school both of us and starting from scratch desensitising her and learning her the ropes without fear as it's obvious thats how she has been taught. Started lunging her today and getting her used to ground work with me moving her feet. When she has mastered that it's onto long reining so looking forward to our adventure ahead.
 
Sorry for the long story first.. I thought I had found the horse of my dreams which turned out to be the horse of my nightmares. It was returned after various checks suspicion was a back issue, I spent 2 months on a crow hopping maniac. She was exchanged for a lovely rising 8 year old mare however a little nervous. I rode her for 2 weeks solid at her current yard and she was amazing but the move to her new yard shook her up a bit. Over the next 2 weeks I took things slowly but I knew she was aware of the change in her surroundings then last week she spooked big style initially I came off and and got back on not realising I had knocked myself out then she spooked again this time she tried to run/jump over the gate depositing me at the other side. I have various soft tissue injuries but nothing broken except my confidence. I don't blame her as I don't think she has had a kind life up till now but I'm worried about the what ifs when I get back on. I'm thinking about going back to basics trying to get help with ground work to work with the bond between each other and to try and build our confidence in each other. Just wondering what others might do?

Ive had my gelding 2 years this month and only this year has he started settling. He was (and still is) a dominant pony who initially had been ok but on moving him, turned into a little devil pony who I couldn't handle. I sought the help of my yard owner who is also a BHSAI, RDAI instructor who has also done Monty Roberts training and Parelli. I had to go right back to basics and establish groundwork with him in which I used a mixture of Parelli and Natural Horsemanship techniques which has worked wonderfully on him. He is still dominant and he lacks reliable brakes but the future looks positive. I guess what I am trying to say is don't give up. Start again with the horse, do some ground work and establish a level of respect between you both before you ride as this will then carry up into the saddle. Also if you build up a level of trust on the ground and she trusts you, you will find that she gains confidence from you in the saddle also and is more likely to listen to your aids and less likely to have a blind panic.

You could try desensitizing her to some of the sounds and things she is scared of. Walk her around in hand (assuming you have a degree of control) and let her see things. Exposure is the key. Once they realise that the thing isn't going to eat them, they are less inclined to try and run from it.

Be positive and take things slowly. You will get there and then you can look back and be proud of how far you have both come together. :)
 
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Even my angelic Coblet mare initially tried it on at her winter home ( same friend had been riding her!) she planted and napped and really tried her luck! Not holding up feet and so on, Although not in a dangerous manner she dosent Buck, bolt etc etc. I got her to do some long reining with her and she spent some time just on the ground with her not pressuring her under saddle. The next time she went to ride her she was back to her angelic self, and hasn't looked back since :)
 
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