Confidence shattered help

Mollymoo26

Mollymoo26

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May 22, 2009
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Does anyone know a good intensive riding course near Herts?

I have completely and utterly lost my nerve I feel like I have gone back to square one of riding even though I have been riding since I was a child. I havent been riding much lately as I have been so busy at work my sharers have been hacking and schooling and they both are so confident. I feel like an absolute idiot when I get on now I have completely lost my nerve I practically have a panic attack if someone says do you want to canter.

Whats wrong with me I have been felling like this for weeks and thinking can I actually ride am I in control so much is going round and round in my brain I feel useless. I think an intensive riding course will help install alot of the confidence I have lost I feel low at the mo.... :mad::confused:
 
hi mollymoo

I have a feeling about this -- and that is that your loss of nerve has less to do with your riding and more to do with everything else going on in your life --

you have been very busy at work, you see the sharers being confident and riding while you are not -- all of this adds up to causing you to feel unhappy... your unconscious then decides that now is the time for you to lose your nerve!

I think yes, an intensive riding course or a week solidly spent with your horse could really help you -- it will help even more if you finds someone to talk to about other stuff in your life before you go, or you just take the baggage with you if you see what I mean

often just writing about things helps -- you can always write on here about stuff, or pm or email someone you know on here -- everyone tends to be very supportive!

xxx

Cathy
 
Hey Cathy,

I think you are right I am feeling very stressed out at work at the moment and between both sharers the horses are working well and looking fantastic infact better than they have ever looked.

My mare is a welsh section d cob who was very green when I bought her and would tank at the slighest thing she completely un-nerved me at first. Whoever I perservered with her and learnt to control her through lots of instructor lessons.

She has never scared me, bucked, reared or kicked me and I have never fallen from her so I dont know where this all this sudden fear has come from. Years ago I used to ride race horses most summers as a child up to the age of 17 years old and had some seriously bad falls and when I returned to riding three years ago I bought an ex-racer who I thought I could get back on and "RE-TRAIN" yeah right how wrong was I he thought open field meant fast irratic un-controllable gallop. I sold him as my heart raced even walking him to and from the paddock never mind riding him all 17 hands of him I am only 5ft 2.

It seems so me that the older I have got I am now 29 the more the memories of these child hood falls seem to be coming back to me. Now that I have the sharers if I dont have time they can ride they are keep both my horses ticking over quite nicely so its not a case of me having to ride to excercise them. I know its all in my head really my main thing is that I feel that I can not control the horse if speed ie (Canter/ Gallop) is involved. I have been told dont be so stupid you are a fab rider but now I just feel that I cant.

Has anyone else had this feeling and just felt like packing it all in and quitting whilst the going is good. Sorry for the miserable post peeps I am having one of those month's haha. I really want to get back on and enjoy hacking, love schooling and canter till my hearts content. :o
 
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I've been where you are now. Up until 14 I could ride anything, and that's not in a childish arrogant "I can do anything" type of way, I was just quiet and would just there until whatever the horse was doing had stopped, then would quietly persevere and coax them into what we were supposed to be doing. Then I started to ride my RI's horse (both her and her daughter were too frightened of her) and at first it wasn't a probs but because mum was spending the money on me sharing her (was supposed to be in exchange for jumping lessons on someone else's pony) we didn't have money for me to carry on lessons. So soon enough it was the case that every time I rode it was to attempt to converse with a total nut job and not too long after I was in pieces, the thought of getting on sent me like a jelly!

So I stopped sharing that horse and started back with my other RI (under whom I had developed my riding to its previous standard) and he just did really simple things like had me trotting in a 20m circle round him with no stirrups and got me to recite shakespeare lines back to him as a distraction. Just doing these simple little things got me to relax and so my position started to correct itself.

If you don't feel ready to canter at the moment, just don't canter - it's not a problem, there is no rule written anywhere that says you must canter your horse every time you ride. Even if you go out and go for a nice long walk (perfect in summer evenings) then that's fine! Then maybe if you have an RI you trust you can have a lesson every so often to help you with any position issues you may have picked up (invariably tends to happen when you're nervous)?

I can totally empathise with feeling stressed at work and this can gradually erode your self esteem etc - I've worked in some awful environments before and it does have a massive effect on how you feel around your horses.

Just remember, that horses are animals, they are fab company and can be wonderful listeners so use them to wind down and forget all those stresses - this can take quite a bit of self discipline to do but it really can help.

And also, NR is a great place to type up your good and bad days - so use this as a vent as well!!! :)
 
mollymoo -- a LOT of people go through what you are going through right now - I suggest finding a confidence specialist to work with you for just one session and you will be much more relaxed about your horse time -- NLP practitioners who focus on horse issues can be found with a web search -- I do this, as does a friend of mine, Derek Clark, over near Banbury -- and a web search will bring up others who might be closer to you

The lack of confidence/anxiety/fear and flashbacks to your childhood falls is just your unconscious working overtime at trying to keep you safe -- some straightforward techniques can be taught to you to help YOU manage them and move forward

xxx

Cathy
 
bitsnpieces said:
Then maybe if you have an RI you trust you can have a lesson every so often to help you with any position issues you may have picked up (invariably tends to happen when you're nervous)?
Click to expand...

So true bitsnpieces. My confidence issues are to blame for the hunchback I became. Recently, and only after about ten weekly lessons, I've managed to unhunch a bit, look where I'm going and stick those big boobs out. Although not on my own horse...yet.
I would love to come with you on an intensive riding week Mollymoo, I think it sounds like a great idea for reminding yourself that you can actually ride. Unfortunately money is always the problem for me!:rolleyes:
I think there's a lot to be said for nlp stuff like fth suggests. I've managed to get a colleague at my work to use me as an adult guinea pig for a therapy called EMDR (he normally uses it on children). So far it got me on my horse without hyperventilating, baby steps. I have fears from bad experiences and the way they play out in my head over and over, coupled with shortness of breath, it just seems too real.
I think its good you're trying to find a way of getting back into it, but make sure you take care of yourself, don't put any pressure on, just step a little out of your comfort zone at a time and set yourself up for success.
((HUGS))
 
Its not hugely near you but Caroline Putus does a 2 day confidence workshop near Ipswich. Google 'enjoy riding' and it should come up. But it is a couple of hundred pounds.
 
I am a bit like this now, i'm 30. When i was younger i rode anything and wasn't scared of it. Now i can't even pick my horses back feet up without the fear of being cow kicked. Infact i have become very nervous round the backend of both my horses.

What goes on in my head though is that i have two young children who need their mum, if anything were to happen to me then what would they do. I really need to pick myself up and show them who is boss not the other way round (i don't mean hitting or being nasty by the way). I know both my horses sense my lack of confidence i just need to regain control as it were.

I have a lady coming to help me with one of my horses in July so hopefully she can help and offer some advice.

Hope you are having better luck than me Mollymoo?
 
Innocence said:
I am a bit like this now, i'm 30. When i was younger i rode anything and wasn't scared of it. Now i can't even pick my horses back feet up without the fear of being cow kicked. Infact i have become very nervous round the backend of both my horses.

What goes on in my head though is that i have two young children who need their mum, if anything were to happen to me then what would they do. I really need to pick myself up and show them who is boss not the other way round (i don't mean hitting or being nasty by the way). I know both my horses sense my lack of confidence i just need to regain control as it were.

I have a lady coming to help me with one of my horses in July so hopefully she can help and offer some advice.

Hope you are having better luck than me Mollymoo?
Click to expand...

I am so glad I am not the only one. I had no fear as a kid but I've had a few nasty scares and falls over the years and now I'm 34. got a 15.2hh warmblood on loan and feel out of my depth. I feel its worrying about the "what if something happens to me". Nice to know other people are in the same boat. I have miles of hacking but go out alone most of the time so thats even worse. I think my neighbour is back to fitness after a broken ankle so I will get a lot of confidence from having another rider with me.
I used to live to ride horses and now I still love it but feel my worries are spoiling it.
 
They havent recently added a confidence club section for nothing. Its a very common theme - loss of confidence - I know - been there, got the Tshirt etc etc. Didnt ride for over a year and during that time could have thrown up just at the thought of getting on Rosie.
I did lots of parelli ground work to build a bond, some manners and trust between us and develop our partnership and Cathy came and helped me with the fear and now several months on I cant get off Rosie and we do 6/7 mile hacks on our own several times a week :D
There is light at the end of the tunnel, it may be that you need some help to see it. Sometimes our minds work overtime and we become 'stuck' in that pattern - a confidence professional can move us on. Ive talked a lot about the help I had from Cathy (FTH as above) in the past - PM and have a chat with her, I dont think she's too far from you. You need to find someone you relate to and be prepared to put in the work but it can be done :D Best of luck - we're always there rooting for you :D
 
I'm wondering now whether the "I could ride anything when I was young" or "I was the one who rode the nutters in my teens" cliques (I'm in the latter group :)) explain a lot about our confidence issues now we're older? I notice we all seem to have those high risk rides in common, don't we.

Are we reliving the scary rides of our youth in our subconsciouses and reliving all the :eek: and what-ifs and passing them on to our concious minds years later?

It's just that you hardly, if ever, read about someone saying "I was always a nervous rider...".
 
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