Daphi was set free today

jordanross

jordanross

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Jul 19, 2009
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Hi guys, as some of you know daphi died suddenly at home on friday and today i got her ashes , she arrived at 11am and by 1.30am the two lovely black horses and carrage arrived.i almost cancelled, ... didnt want to let go i guess, but i knew, i had to. sooner rather than later really.

so off i popped one last ride for me and my girl. ive gotta admit those carrages arent all they are cracked up to be, my arse went numb and i felt sea sick i thought it was going to tipple over too! id have much rather rode daphi down, but then again, if daphi had been here...this wouldnt of been happening would it!

i wore my jods, a white t shirt and my huntersand my hat! i wanted this to be the best ride, the ride were we finally get to go down that bridle path... Only this time daphi wouldnt be coming back with me.so i carried her so carefully in the box down the bridle path past the pub we used to ride past... and onto the wide open feild!


tears stung my eyes the entire walk down and i just let them roll down my face,and my stomach felt like it was being kicked in or thumped really hard, i didnt care who walked or rode past on the path, this was for daphi regardless. i owed her this!


Once we was on the field i held the box close up to me... and i just cried for a little while, and then all of a sudden i got a warm feeling and an almost comforting feeling like i was being told it was time to let her go to set her free!

i opened the box and set her free! yeah i cried but i also smiled at the very same time.... i was happy but breaking my heart

so, there you have have it.... daphi is gone now, like , really gone.. forever.


penny still aint dropped for me! i wake up.........im on auto pilot to make daphis brekfast, see to her first thing, and last thing at night, it cuts deep when i realise it isnt happening anymore.


i came home and i had a sleep, downed a few more diazpams and then went to sleep again until now , 3,43am.... when im feeling the pain once more... its like a hopeless tread mill and im just waiting for it to stop!

on a lighter note, i found a flash band id taken off daphis bridle, ive alttered it and made it into a braclet for me! it has that familiar horsey smell , which i know most of us love! ill be holdin it close tonight for a smell and for some comfort! i know that might sound nutty but heyho!


anyway everyone thanks so much for your thoughts, messages and love , you really have been the best!


jordan and daphi xxx
 
I'm so glad you posted as ive been thinking of you all day but im up to my eyes in handrearing a litter of bullmastiff puppies as we nearly lost the mum yesterday and she collapsed on a pup and killed it so i am awake 24/7 at the moment and you have been in my thoughts constantly but felt really bad that i hadnt asked about you all day.

I bet that warm feeling was daphi telling you thats its ok to let her go and she loves you and you will heal in time.

thoughts, love and hugs for you and your beautiful girl.


.
 
i don't know daph or your story but all i can say is it hurts very very much when you lose them, i have lost two of mine in not pleasant ways, and the rawness of the pain and grief you feel at the time, anyone who hasn't had a horse just doesn't understand.

I think it's also because they take up such a large part of your life and then there are these big holes where you should be doing stuff for them but now no need.

Hugs, the next few weeks will be tough and blub as much as you want, it gets better.
 
Hi Jordan, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am about Daphi. Your courage and deep love for her have shone through in every post. To me, you are a true horseman and you have given your girl a wonderful send-off. All the very best for the future JR and I hope we will keep hearing from you.
 
Wow what a lovely idea to have Daphi's flash made into a bracelet. You did good mate, she is set free now and not far from you. I was pleased when you said about the bracelet as I wanted you to keep something of her. Dont know how you will cope without her but sincerely hope you will have the courage to continue to get better (I know what problems you experience) and perhaps having this little momento will help you. All my love and best wishes to you Jordan x x x x x
 
Jordon you did Daphi proud what a fantastic last ride you gave her. I really feel for you and I hope you find it easier to cope soon.

Take care

xxxx
 
I'm so sorry. I haven't been on the forum in about a week, so hadn't heard about your loss. I really am sorry, it must be so hard for you. She had a fantastic time with you, and you should be proud she was in your life. Thoughts are with you xx
 
What a fantastic send off you have given her Jordan, really fitting to have a last ride together. She is at peace now and I am sure looking down on you and helping you heal when you are ready. She will never be forgotten but it is lovely you have a bracelet from her flash band.

Stay strong - you are being so brave. xx
 
So sorry Jordan.. I haven't been on here in a while, and when I read about it made me burst out crying :(

My thoughts are with you xox
 
paid a months subscription really just so i could post on this thread.....
i am sooo sorry for your loss- i wish i had a magic wand to wave to make it all better - love & hugs
xx
 
Thinking of you Jordan. What a lovely 'farewell' to your special girl.

Don't ever think of 'replacing' Daphi....but hey...you did such a great job with her, and you are such a caring, dedicated person...one day, you just might find yourself needing to rescue and love another horse. ;) Daphi will send it your way, because she found you, and she knows you will love and take care of it. :)

Kx
 
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