deeply depressed

Bare with me everybody. Sorry if I bore you again with my antics with Pegasus, but I am too excited about today. Something happened; he broke down his resistance to me completely for the first time (almost 6 months).
This afternoon, after deciding to lunge Pegasus, I proceeded to groom him with all our ritual, brushes and actions sequence; I don't know why but I felt like humming slowly one of Enya's tracks from The Celts; amazing, I felt that the horse started to let go of himself, in no time he was literally asleep in my arms, I could do anything I wanted to him, just with a little touch of my finger pads... he was so relaxed, I could clean his hooves, oint the frogs with no hassle, stroke him, caress him all over- all things that raise fighting and resistance; a major breakthrough. I felt so moved, I even shed the odd tear. I called the others to see what was happening, but no one had the sensibility to feel touched by it; to the other guys I am a serious "fruit cake" case, no one understands my views on other horsemanship ways.
Obviously I couldn't lunge him any more, after being so relaxed. So I took him on the lead to graze fresh grass. We spent half an hour grazing. Afterwards, I took him to the shower area to wash his hooves and he refused to go, he had a big tantrum, threatning to rear and to run away; I had to resort to show him the crop and to threaten him in return (I hated having to do it), I circled him a couple of times and he finally charged into the shower area, in a very very bad mood.
Nonetheless, it was all very positive; Pegasus allowed me to get closer, in fact he felt good under my care, and the tantrum resulted on him eventually doing what he was being asked (without having to call anybody else to press him to move). We did this all on our own!
Oh, and yesterday, he did a double jump for me (he is starting gradually to learn to jump and to do other school stuff that he wasn't used to do before). He tries his best, and I also try my best. We are both learning... I am very proud of him, you know why? he may be lazy or laid back, but he plods along and does what I ask in his own terms; I don't need to fight him or to hit him. I think he appreciates the difference how he gets treated in relation to other horses, in return he looks after me.
:D
Tonight I feel privileged to have him as my horse. He is teaching me so much, and surprising me by the day. However, his biting keeps going (twice this week!).;)
 
Bravo!

Congratulations, Chapsi. I have this beautiful mental image of Pegasus nodding off in your arms.

Of course progress isn't a straight line, and horses re-test us everyday. It is in their survival interest to challenge their leaders regularly to make sure we're still fit to guide and protect.

6 months doesn't seem like a long time, considering how P has changed physically.

Keep up the good work in 2003.

Happy New Year to you and Pegasus.
 
chapsi, that's great news! It sure sounds like you're getting past the trust issue, if Pegasus is falling asleep in your arms!:)

And you had a real victory, getting him to go where you wanted without having to call in reinforcements!

Why do you suppose he's still biting? Have you been able to observe any kind of pattern to this behavior?

Anyway, well done! I think you've made amazing progress, and you're a brave woman!
 
Singing to horses

Chapsi,

Horses love music and have similar reactions to different styles as we do i.e. loud, rhythmic and monotonous stuff can wind them up, Mozart can make them very alert, swing and sweet jazz calms and chills them out. Don't laugh - my childhood teacher kept an old wind-up gramophone in the stables and used to sing to any horse which was being difficult or was out of sorts. The relaxing effect of singing on the singer is well documented, too. It helps control your breathing and it's very difficult to be anxious or frightened while you're singing quietly to yourself.

Why worry about what others think. If it works for you go for it.

Henrietta
 
Chapsi:

You have gone through so much!

I agree with what you are hearing about music and horses. I don't know that it's the music they find relaxing, or the fact that when we humans are humming or singing to ourselves (and to them!) that WE are more relaxed, and they just pick up on that.

When I had a very timid moment on a horse and I wanted to stop a lesson, my instructor said she would keep me on that horse until I laughed. I thought she was crazy, but she got silly, I laughed, my body relaxed, and ta-da! I had a great end to a rough lesson.

Don't be thrown by other folks' reactions to your insistence that you be gentle with your horse. There's a difference between gentle and taken advantage of....

I don't know that I would have stuck with the challenge that Pegasus has been for you, so I congratulate you on just working this hard this long. That's a lot!

Others may have advised it, but I love Mark Rashid's "Horses Never Lie"...as a teacher, I have found much of what he writes resonates with me. I 'handle' 9th graders (14 year olds) and have found that outright confrontation is NEVER good...a gentle, yet firm, roundabout way of disciplining works best. Through observation and experience I have found that the most effective teacher is the one who never yells....because they don't have to.

Recently I watched a blacksmith at our barn handle a horse that had been fussing. He didn't say a word. He just stood up, put his face close to the horse's face and communicated there for a moment. It was like a hug, but different. Hard to describe. But his calm manner, with his sureness and firmness calmed the horse. The horse was not PERFECT, but calmed some. I really enjoyed watching this man work, and plan to watch him and learn from him again. Interesting, no?

Take care, and best of luck. Know that you have really accomplished something. You may not see the results you wish for in Pegasus, but I think you will find the results you see and feel in yourself will be worth all your time, effort, tears and love.
 
In my riding lesson last week I was on a 16hh thoroughbred who is usually good tempered and 100% safe. But when I asked him to canter he heard a door in the office slam and he bolted off with me, there was no way of stopping him because every time I tried to slow him, he pulled the reins out of my hands and it would of just been a big tug-o-war between us if I tried to slow him so instead I asked him to gallop on he was still going too strong so it took about 5 laps of the indoor school to get him to a good gallop then I asked for canter and he was listening then and eventually he slowed down. He was really tiered by this time hes seventeen so I let him have a free walk around. I was scared at the time because he was cutting some corners sharply and I had to keep half-halting him, that was what slowed him down, but in a way im glad that he did bolt because it has give me more confidence about cantering and galloping without going all stiff!
So if the horse you ride does bolt off then its best not to get him to stop straight away let him get under control either cantering or trotting then eventually slow him to a walk at least then he will think you are riding him instead of him going where he likes and he sould listen more to you then. Hopefull... :D
 
Chapsi

I have read this whole thread from start to finish tonight.

So much of what you say reminds me of my two boys. Benny the 13.2 pony took nearly six months to accept having his feet picked out - he would swing round, rear - anything he could! - now he picks them up 1 by 1 as I walk round and nudge his legs. He wouldn't even walk over a hose in the yard with no water running through it. He will now trot through deep puddles! I have had him for over two years - he hates 'coat shine' spray - I went into the stable tonight to do his mane and he turned round on me and threatened to kick yet again (I just went and got his halter and tied him up - TIGHT!). Henry my hunter by contrast is a sweetie in the stable. My grandchildren can stand in the stable with their arms wrapped round him while he eats his dinner from a skip on the floor. He follows you across the yard like a dog, and goes into his stable by himself. But if I try to put a rug on him with a full neck he will immediately threaten me by shaking his head and neck violently - so, the solution is he doesn't wear a neck cover! It took 6 months of reschooling and back treatments to get him to canter on left lead instead of bolting.

With Henry I watch and take heed as he is a sensitive soul. With Benny, I persevere, as he will take the mickey if I don't.

Be patient. You have come a long way with a very complicated horse.
 
Thanks for your feed-back. 6 Months are gone by, a lot of water has gone under the bridge; some days I feel more positive about the whole issue, other days I get the feeling that in such a time things haven't changed all that much. Some things are definately getting better, some not, other became worse.
In short,
- I can groom the horse still weary, but at least I get to do it; I already managed to use mane untagler on my own (very gently) and when he has a scrape or wound I can treat it with Betadine. He also lowers his head, in order to brush his mane.
- I can move him from the grooming area right to the shower and vice-versa, although occasionally he still needs a tap with the crop (other times I see him checking whether I have it tucked in my chaps or not, he is very clever! :rolleyes: )
- I can lunge him, mostly unaided, but changing to the right rein can still be a problem
- he cooperates to having his hooves cleaned; if in a good mood I can do it nicely, otherwise I'll have to do it 3,4,5 times each, because he keeps stealing them off my hands in a fawl temper (he may threat to kick with his hind, at this stage I tell him off)
- I tack him entirely on my own; he lowers his head for his bit, but then to get the rest over his head is a struggle (he is a tall guy, I am only short). When I tack him, the latest development is that he gives me filthy looks (if looks could kill...) as I put the saddle on him or set to fasten the girth; at this stage, I detect a biting frame of mind, so I might whack him with the back of my hand to get him to look forward
- leading is now the "hot" issue. He used to be really calm and good to lead. I could take him off his stable and he would follow. He started to play up the new stable helper, recently doing the same trick to me: "bite and run". I lead him now with his lead rope around his nose, so he has tried to knock me down to set himself free. This scares the witts out of me (I circle him), but I'll keep trying as long as other people are around.
I must confess that although I am committed to other horsemanship approaches different from the current ones at the yard, I am now somewhat combining and adapting methods. To my deepest regret I've found myself hitting my horse with the crop for attempting to intimidate me (pinning me against the wall), I've smacked him for showing his teeth, for not cooperating. I feel an awful guilt about this, this is not what I envisaged, but sometimes my perseverance, patience and affection has led me nowhere; instead he has shown little respect or consideration, putting my safety in jeopardy.
Almost 2 weeks ago, as usual, no warning signs, after I removed his briddle and was putting his halter on, he bent his head, looked at me with his big black eyes (he has sweet, tender eyes) and fast as lightening he bit me. He had caught my whole tigh in his mouth, just to run away (he never runs far, he just went to the far end of the shed, really full of himself). Looking back, he did it as defiance. I still have the marks, two huge half moon shaped bruises.
We are getting by, but I longed for partnership and bonding and I am not sure I'm getting there. Instead, I have found myself resorting to aggression as an answer to aggression. I feel I failed.
Sometimes I get the feeling he likes me, sometimes that he doesn't. Sometimes I get under the impression that his bitting is a way that he finds to educate me, to put me in my place...
However, he knows me well. When I am at the yard, his eyes follow me everywhere.
All I can say, is that I've endured difficult times, I've felt sorry for myself, I hated Pégaso (and myself), I thought about selling him, I realised that he is incompatible with me. Nonetheless, all this has been a real lesson, this horse is teaching the meaning of commitment and LOVE. The few good days make up for the many bad ones (and today I had a good one:) )
All I want now, is to relax and to stop feeling afraid/insecure; to be able to be around him on my own; finally, to let go of my riding ghosts and to ride outdoors.
Time shall tell, but in the meantime I'll keep at it.
I believe I have a truly good hearted horse, as beautiful inside as he is outside.;)
 
Pegasus and challenges

Chapsi:

I feel as you do about hitting horses...I hate it. But, I wouldn't beat myself up about it too much, given what you have to handle. I have handled dogs, and am firmly against any kind of hitting. That's not to say physical force isn't sometimes necessary, but whacking is just counterproductive in a dog..and I can read them much better, so can avoid a lot of these things before matters come to a head.

With horses, it's different. Their size and mass may require us to get much more harsh than we want to. I guess what I am trying to say is, while my heart is with you on the anti-hitting thing, I can see where given the danger you are sometimes in, I wouldn't be too tough on yourself. I think we all struggle to find what's right, what works, what our hearts can bear when it comes to these issues. So don't punish yourself...I think your attempt at trying to blend the different styles of horsemanship may be just exactly the right thing in the end anyway.

I know so little about horse behavior that I am often wondering what's best myself. I don't own a horse, but hope to someday, so I hope I can arrive at that same place too, of knowing just what's right, etc.

I have to repeat: Pegasus is one lucky horse! That you love him so much and work so hard to do the right thing should give you great comfort. I hope this helps.
I'll be watching to see how you guys do.

-Kate8
 
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