Devastated

Midnight_Ashes

Midnight_Ashes

Active Member
Apr 1, 2008
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County Durham
I just recieved an email from a social networking site to say my OH has generated a profile and I should join too (automated one - it has obviously emailed all his contacts).
So I logged on out of interest to find his profile (created yesterday) states that he is single, living alone, looking to meet someone 18 - 25 etc. etc. Couldn't face calling him so I text him and he tried to say it was set up last year when he was working and living (alone and single) down country and he only got his password yesterday to delete it. I have text back saying it states he works and lives in this area so not to talk sh!te. He has gone offit with me and said "oh well fine if you don't believe me **** it I have deleted the profile"

I want to believe him but I know what I saw :( This is not the first time I have had suspicions (though I am the insecure, jealous, suspicious type). A few weeks ago a stranger messaged me on another networking site - she had got chatting to OH and he was saying we were going through a rough patch and he was going to ditch me soon as I was doing his head in etc and that all the horses on his profile were his (they are mine). She messaged me because she had looked more on his profile and had seen his relationship status and thought I ought to know. She even sent me a screenprint. He denied it and said that a few of his friends had his password and it must've been them. Deep down inside I know that this is highly unlikely.
 
ah my heart really goes out to you, if you have your suspicions and think that he is a liar then the only thing you can do is to call it a day.

I think black and white cant really lie and if you have had other people contact you sending you details it makes me wonder how far did he try to string her along, annoyed her so she sent you details of what he suposedly has been up to.

It seems convient that he was deleating his profile, so why would it send emails out to people to join. Facebook does it when you join not leave..guess other sites must be similar ?
 
Oh dear MA, Sometimes people like to cause trouble in relationships for
one reason or another:rolleyes:

I am a little suspicious that a 'complete stranger' took the time to contact
you to let you know what your OH was, or was not, up to. How
'very thoughtful' of her:rolleyes: In all honesty when a 'female stranger' contacts a Partner of somebody to let them know whats going on it smacks
of said female having 'designs' on your Man which aren't quite working out
the way 'she' had planned;) Different if its a close 'friend' who is the bearer
of bad news;) This female is out to cause trouble, but you have to then, in all honesty question WHY ???


Libbylou has hit the nail on the head maybe, something has 'upset' this Female and she is now out to cause trouble as only
Females CAN... you don't take the trouble of 'printing off sheets of paper' to send them on as 'evidence' without being
very 'put out' about something, have no doubt she isn't doing it out of the kindness of her heart or for YOUR welfare....


Having said that, it seems that maybe 'all is not quite right' and you have
to go with your gut instinct as to what is happening in your relationship and
where you go with that, when all else seems to be failing you, suspicious
mind, jealousy or whatever you want to call it, (I would call it intuition;)) kicks in, listen to that, make a few discreet enquiries and trust that
instinct:) Thinking of you, its never easy, but neither is living with a Man you can have no 'faith or trust' in xxx
 
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Dear God, life is complicated enough as it is, why do folk deliberately set out to make it worse?
 
Sorry to hear about your situation! Speaking on behalf of the other woman though i wouldn't automatically think that she was after my OH but maybe making me see the light. She maybe a complete stranger trying to do a good turn or a trouble maker, you never know. In all honesty though i would like to know what was going on good or bad.

I'm not in your situation so it would be wrong of me to advise but hugs for whatever you decide.
 
*HUGS!!!*

Oh dear, what a mess for you!

You need to talk this out face to face. Present him with your "evidence", be cool and non-judgmental, and ask him if, after all this, he cares about you enough to spend the rest of your lives together.

Whatever the answer, you can work on it. Best of luck :)


BTW, why did your OH give your contact details to this initial social site if he was not "with" you???
 
lol, Innocence, you have more faith in the 'female population' than I do
thats for sure:)

Let me tell you a story.......(here we go, lol.....) I was with a Man, things
were definately 'not right' although when I asked outright I was assured
nothing was going on..........few months down the line things had totally
disintegrated and I attempted to end things.......He broke down, told me
he had been having an affair, didn't quite know how he had got there and had attempted to end it, and
had now, but said 'other Woman'
had been threatening to come and tell me as she felt it was only 'fair' that
I knew what was going on:rolleyes:

I wanted a few days 'out' to think about things, this was on the Saturday.

9.00 am on the Monday Morning there was a 'knock' at my door....opened the
door to find the 'other Woman AND her 2 Sisters' :p on my doorstep, who
out of the 'kindness of their hearts' had decided to come and tell me
what had been happening:p how sweet of her...............

To their suprise I invited them in, offered them a CUPPA and was VERY
WELCOMING, lol (not what they expected). I then informed her that I had
known for WEEKS and was really not concerned as this was 'what we did', lol,
we had an OPEN RELATIONSHIP :eek: and that I really couldn't give two
hoots if he had been seeing her for the last few months:rolleyes:

(OBVIOUSLY NONE OF IT TRUE, I WANTED TO KILL BOTH HER, AND HIM :p) but
I was damned if I was going to let this 'Woman' get the better of me along
with her 2 Sisters, lol. She told me he had ended it but she still felt it was only
fair I knew, (what a shame she didn't come and tell me at the START, lol)
I even went so far as to suggest she get herself
'checked out' at the local clinic as she wasn't the only one he had
'interacted with':p lol, and that we were 'regular attenders' of that 'kind of Party' lol. (Worrying thing was that
she 'BELIEVED ME', lol.....took it in hook line and sinker) She went away with her tail between her legs tbh, and certainly NOT with the outcome she was expecting......I have no doubt she rushed off to the nearest CLINIC..

TBH she came hoping I would end the relationship leaving it 'free' for her
to be with him............very short sighted.........Any Woman who feels
the need to 'tell' the Partner is not doing it out of kindness, its the last
step of desperation because things are NOT going their way. However there
are not many blokes out there who are going to stay with a Woman who
has 'informed' their Partners either:p

This relationship ended between us, obviously, lol, but on MY terms, certainly not this other Womans OR my cheating Partner at the Time, lol:p

Midnight Ashes, I am not saying for one minute this is what is happening in your case, however, for this Woman to approach you
somethng is WRONG, you have to sit and talk with your Partner xxx
 
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fairlady said:
lol, Innocence, you have more faith in the 'female population' than I do
thats for sure

Let me tell you a story.......(here we go, lol.....) I was with a Man, things
were definately 'not right' although when I asked outright I was assured
nothing was going on..........few months down the line things had totally
disintegrated and I attempted to end things.......He broke down, told me
he had been having an affair, didn't quite know how he had got there and had attempted to end it, and
had now, but said 'other Woman'
had been threatening to come and tell me as she felt it was only 'fair' that
I knew what was going on:rolleyes:

I wanted a few days 'out' to think about things, this was on the Saturday.

9.00 am on the Monday Morning there was a 'knock' at my door....opened the
door to find the 'other Woman AND her 2 Sisters' :p on my doorstep, who
out of the 'kindness of their hearts' had decided to come and tell me
what had been happening:p how sweet of her...............

To their suprise I invited them in, offered them a CUPPA and was VERY
WELCOMING, lol (not what they expected). I then informed her that I had
known for WEEKS and was really not concerned as this was 'what we did', lol,
we had an OPEN RELATIONSHIP :eek: and that I really couldn't give two
hoots if he had been seeing her for the last few months:rolleyes:

(OBVIOUSLY NONE OF IT TRUE, I WANTED TO KILL BOTH HER, AND HIM :p) but
I was damned if I was going to let this 'Woman' get the better of me along
with her 2 Sisters, lol. She told me he had ended it but she still felt it was only
fair I knew, (what a shame she didn't come and tell me at the START, lol)
I even went so far as to suggest she get herself
'checked out' at the local clinic as she wasn't the only one he had
'interacted with':p lol, and that we were 'regular attenders' of that 'kind of Party' lol. (Worrying thing was that
she 'BELIEVED ME', lol.....took it in hook line and sinker) She went away with her tail between her legs tbh, and certainly NOT with the outcome she was expecting......I have no doubt she rushed off to the nearest CLINIC..

TBH she came hoping I would end the relationship leaving it 'free' for her
to be with him............very short sighted.........Any Woman who feels
the need to 'tell' the Partner is not doing it out of kindness, its the last
step of desperation because things are NOT going their way. However there
are not many blokes out there who are going to stay with a Woman who
has 'informed' their Partners either:p

This relationship ended between us, obviously, lol, but on MY terms, certainly not this other Womans OR my cheating Partner at the Time, lol:p
Click to expand...

LOL Fairlady, you don't have some interesting stories :D Now i have experienced the other side of the coin where the reasons for telling me were genuine and not because they were after my OH at the time (although they were more than welcome, I knew what he was up too, she just confirmed it for me)
 
I have been the other person and I called his wife one day as I couldnt take the back and forth any longer, She has 3 children and I didnt think it was fair on either of us.

He would spend a week with me then no call or anything and he would be back with her, a week later would turn up begging for me to take him back, a few days later he would say he went back to see if he could make it worse. This went on for 6 months.

I told her not because I wanted him but because I felt sorry for her, I stopped seeing him and so did she. He is now prob sleeping his way around the internet.

I really really feel for you MA but I think you should go with your gut instincts xx
 
Lots of sympathy MA. I think it were me in this situation I'd really have to sit down with OH and talk it through without him getting annoyed - I think you need to sit him down and have a chat and try and not lose tempers / get upset, try both to stay calm and at least get the facts. Something must be niggling at you - and it would definitely set alarm bells ringing if it were me in your situ. Good luck, whatever happens you need to find out the truth and not just push it away (cos it will be bad for your relationship anyway if something isn't quite right and you know it).
 
Poor you. I thought i was having a bad day but my heart goes out to you. I have met many men who were complete d??k heads!! Thats why i just have my horse now! I hope you sort things out, but go with your instincts, if it does not feel right. Something sounds strange to me but i know thats not what you want to think. Sit down and talk and take it from there :eek: Look after yourself ;)
 
I actually feel a bit mean on MA now as have opened this can of worms on
her thread...

Libbylou... honestly.....WHY didn't you just walk away, WHY did you
feel the need to inform the Wife.......at the beginning of the relationship
you didn't feel the need to tell her, so WHY feel the need at the end......because you couldn't take the 'back and forth' any more,
I am not being horrible, it does have its purpose....you see I sort of agree that towards the end you didn't want him anymore, but you sort of knew it wasn't gonna happen either.......so why tell the Wife? She probably knew or suspected there was somebody else around anyway. So Why not just say good riddance and walk away and feel sorry for her that she was living with this
type of Man but NOT feel the need to burst her bubble?

Im sorry, I think its B***sh*t that you just 'felt sorry for her' ,lol, its sort of an act of 'revenge' cos it hasn't worked out......

Thats not just getting at you Hun, but its what I have been trying to say, it seems to be a normal progression of things
when it doesn't work out for the 'other woman'..........x
 
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fairlady said:
I actually feel a bit mean on MA now as have opened this can of worms on
her thread...

Libbylou... honestly.....WHY didn't you just walk away, WHY did you
feel the need to inform the Wife.......at the beginning of the relationship
you didn't feel the need to tell her, so why feel the need at the end......because you couldn't take the 'back and forth'
I am not being horrible, it does have its purpose....you see I sort of agree that towards the end you didn't want him anymore, but you sort of knew it wasn't gonna happen either.......so why tell the Wife, why not just
say good riddance and walk away and feel sorry for her that she was living with this
type of Man but NOT feel the need to burst her bubble?
Click to expand...

Oh I can see where you coming from, what a horrible thing to do. He beat her badly over the years and was very abusive to her, he admitted this to me and that he had gone abroad for a month without telling her and slept with other women.

I really really felt for her, If I had of been in her shoes I would have wanted me to tell, so I called and she said she knew who I was as I she found the envelope that he put my key in with my name on it, that I put his key in a put through his letter box. She said he told her I was the dog walker, but she knew and just needed proof. He had always been a liar, cheat and mentally/physically abusive.

I always told her I didnt want to break up their family- they didnt live together as she kicked him out ages ago, didnt want to hurt her I wanted to stop him from hurting her. She became a very good friend and we really helped each other to get through it. When I met my OH and then fell pregant I stoped the friendship as didnt want the past in my new life.

She is now with someone and very happy as am I.
 
omg you are all mad women....

MA heart goes to you but.

If you confront a man about his cheating and he goes off at you then that is sure proof that he is cheating. If it is in black and white then the reasons behind this women telling you are not important therefore does it matter?

If your gut tells you he is cheating leave him. I do not understand the women who choice to 'fight' for 'their' man. There aren't worth it your self respect is.

As for you women who sleep with married man I hope to god one day your husband cheats on you. BUT if you find the man of your dreams and he is married and he loves you just as much, he would be willing to leave his wife and children for you before you even get your kit off. A married/taken man that just sleeps with you is a cheating sh*t and good for nothing.

Thats my two pence anyway.
 
Midnight Ashes.....point I am making is this....

This 'Woman' has NOT contacted you, a complete Stranger, out of
the Goodness of her Heart:rolleyes: Don't be too taken in.....;)

There is more to it, as to WHAT the 'more IS or ISN'T' I don't have an ideal.....

the only way you will find out is by speaking with your OH...

I agree with OwnedbyChanter....no cheat is worth fighting for, lol, there are still plenty of honest men out there xxx
 
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MA, so sorry you are going through this.

I have never been cheated on to my knowledge, but if I found out my OH was behaving a bit suspect I would have to get to the truth.

If the truth proved that his behaviour was unacceptable, he would be out so fast he wouldn't know what had hit him.

Maybe he is just having what he thinks is a bit of harmless fun on social net working sites, if this is the case you need to set him straight.

Hope you get it sorted.:):)
 
Cheaters are often very good liars because they actually seem to be able to convince themselves their own b*s*t is true. This conviction can leave you doubting yourself, your sanity and having seen one of my closest friends driven to depression but her cheating OH who tried to make her think it was all in her head for months - even after he was caught out.....I genuinely believe that if your gut is telling you something is wrong - there is something wrong.

Fair enough give him a chance to explain but if his answers still leave you with even a teeny shred of doubt, there will be a reason for it.

Think about it - if your OH accused you of cheating and you were innocent, you would go out of your way to prove that you hadnt

You might show him your messages or find the notifaction email that would have been sent to your inbox when you set the account up (if he only set it up yesterday that should be pretty easy for him to find ;) etc

The last think you would do if you were innocent is delete the account -that would make you look like you had something to hide.

Dont get too caught up about this woman - remember it isnt her who might have cheated on you and she owes you no loyalty - people are selfish and they do make plays for other people's spouses - that's why you need to be able to trust your OH to be loyal to you.

My heart goes out to you - you dont deserves this x
 
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