Does Anyone Not Feel Part Of The Yard?

newforest

newforest

Well-Known Member
Mar 15, 2008
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I am happy on my yard, its quiet and even though my last chap died suddenly and my current lass nearly died-i wanted to stay. It was just bad luck it wasn't the fault of my location. Obviously i was surrounded by anger but it wasn't mine.

Now though i still feel not part of things. I knew losing my other chap would change me, it does you can't deny that. A sudden loss is life stopping. But even now i still don't feel back to normal, maybe i won't be. I am where i am. I spent over a year just on groundwork and the odd sit with new pony. Obviously i watched others hack out, initially i missed that a lot, but after a while i became content with what i had. My relationship grew (plus she was unsafe to take out)

Them she went ill, seriously ill, and my world stopped again. This time it was different, i didn't worry, i didn't flap, i got stronger and felt you ain't taking this one!

This leads me to the today, clean bill of health, ok muscle issues requiring exercises, therapist coming back-well whose horse doesn't have that. The problem is i am so far removed from the yard i am not included, i have suggested hacking out because she can now start this. It doesn't really matter that her first ever hack was on her own, but i have spent practically everyday on our own. My friend sold her horse and that was when i noticed that no one else on the yard bothers with us. I have suggested a hack but it doesn't happen.

Sorry cookies-but who else doesn't feel part of things because again i know i am not blood with this feeling and its just part Of the process.
 
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Maybe it's time for a change, pastures new? That might be just the tonic you need to start getting out and about with others..
It's no shame to ride out alone all the time though, I do it, prefer my own company, plus you get a pony who doesn't mind either way, company or not, an I know quite a few people who are envious of the fact my lad hacks alone, when they can't even get to the bottom of a lane alone.
 
None of the 3 of us in my yard feel like part of the yard because we specialise in managing our own land and horses as we see fit and all tend to go up at different times so rarely see each other. We are all very different personalities and have very different approaches but can ask the others if we need help. We all like it that way.
 
I think having poorly horses causes it to an extent - I'm sure people think "here she goes again" when I start to talk. She is 95% Peremenantly broken and must seem like a hypochondriac to everyone else
 
popularfurball said:
I think having poorly horses causes it to an extent - I'm sure people think "here she goes again" when I start to talk. She is 95% Peremenantly broken and must seem like a hypochondriac to everyone else
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OH felt like that with Joe. People must have wondered what we were doing with him. The vets all knew him extremely well and there was not a month went by without him being ill with something.
 
I suppose our paths don't really cross but i am flexible in that i could shift around. She hasn't ever had company out so she isn't getting that chance. My friend on nearby yard isn't confident because i have a youngster. I do wonder if some of it is because she is a baby, are they worried we will set theirs off?

On the up side-i have just have a lovely long rein session out for half hour. Just us-i should be pleased she is now confident to be venturing out, she is only 4. Latest medication just finished so hope immune system stops playing silly antics! Rug now off so she get out there and get filthy! I love a dirty pony it shows she is rolling and playing.
 
Gosh I know how you feel! I have had times where even on our lovely yard I feel a bit pushed out...but I suppose it doesn't last too long as there's always someone on the yard who needs a safe hacking companion etc. The latest isn't anything to do with horses tho, 'the others' around the back have organised a yard drinks out in town for Xmas....but no-one round the front has even been invited!!

I too wonder if u feel ready for a change of yard?

If I remember right aren't you on a yard full of Very different people? (like all ex-racers?! Or did I imagine that?!) I just wonder if your friend selling her horse has highlighted the difference even more....
 
I wasn't able to ride for months, and even now cant canter or attempt jumping and can only ride for half an hour or so without pain, so I am limited to the short easy hacks with no ditches to go over. Add to this my loss of confidence and the fact that others aren't always about when I can hack, and I feel a little bit excluded from the yard goings on. I dont think its anyones fault, and I am hoping that as I improve my riding so will the yard thing.

Its no where near bad enough to make me want to change yards, because I dont think its malicous at all, everyone is really friendly when I see them, its more timing and a large gap between what they can do and what I can do.

Its difficult when your baby needs to have experience of going out with others and its not happening. I dont know what to suggest really, just wanted to say I know where you are comming from. I'm sorry you are feeling like this, its horrible feeling left out, even a little bit.
 
Maybe people haven't realised you're ready for companionship. We all get very used to the way things are and you maybe need to make the first move so people realise you're interested in going out together.
That being said, I wouldn't be first up to suggest it as my confidence woes wouldn't make me too comfortable riding out with a youngster. I appreciate she's probably no worse or different from a normal horse in terms of spookiness, but my horse is very easily influenced by the nerves of another.

At our yard we've got a balance of being far enough away from the main stables that we could pretend we've just rented a field in the middle of nowhere, but if I want, I can go and socialise. As for riding out with others, I think with the exception of the odd jaunt with my fieldmate, I've only ridden out three times with others on the yard and I've been there for over three years now.
Everyone sort of keeps their riding to themselves. There's a couple of young girls who ride fast together on their eventer/ tbs. There's the clydesdales that only go out in good weather and only ever walk as one of the riders isn't confident going any faster and doesn't want to. There's one lady who is nervy and demotivated, so is a tad unreliable to ride with - I walked out as her foot soldier and she was doing really well and the she quit and doesn't want to anymore. There's the new couple who apart from riding out with my mate, seem a tad insular, only want to be together, and then there's a new young five year old horse on the block, just bought by an existing livery, and is as spooky, if not more so, than my Flipo.
I only ride out on the odd occasion with my fieldmate when she's wanting a natter. When she comes out with us she has to not wear her spurs and keep pausing while we catch up. We don't really fit in any of the categories on the yard. I'm really glad I've got a horse who will ride out alone, and proud of myself for having the guts now to do it.
 
Having said that, i've just hacked out in company today and been invited out on a hack tomo, so i'm doing pretty well on my first full weekend back on DIY :biggrin:
 
She isn't that spooky really, she does jump and did scare herself. She jumped and her hooves made a louder noise so she looked and snorted at her own legs.
But i have no idea how she behaves with others, happy to be behind or not.


One route is too slippery for shod horse, its rocky slope and with the rain other liveries avoid it. I could still use it though as not shod. Other route you kind of double back, other liveries horse would play up so she said couldn't do that with me. But maybe when dries up she will have someone to go out with. No one rides in the rain either.
 
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i seem to disappear 'off the radar' during the winter when people only see me at the weekend as nobody else is dedicated/stupid enough to come up in the evenings during the week (we have no electric, no light and no facilities to ride in the dark) because i am one of the very few liveries in erm full time employment it seems. can be a bit frustrating .... i hack with the same people at the weekend and dont spend hours on end sitting around the shed chatting either - im there to see my horses.

do you see your fellow liveries much? chat to them? not sure what to suggest really. if i was on your yard i'd definitely go hacking with you :happy:
 
newforest said:
I do wonder if some of it is because she is a baby, are they worried we will set theirs off?
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I couldn't understand why no-one would hack with me & Thyme. Then someone said 'sorry I just don't want to be responsible for my horse if yours loses it...'. Thyme losing it? Never occurred to me but others just saw 'newly backed horse' not 'calm, trusting, youngster'.

Then in the arena an awning from a caravan site right next to the arena fell off in the wind. Thyme just jumped sideways then stopped to look, while the other horses went loopy. :smoke::smoke: They were ok going out with me after that.

If I were you, I'd just keep asking..... I was very lonely on my last yard because they thought I was a weird NH nutter and gave me zero credibility. Assumed I knew nothing about anything. And spent the whole time muttering about how my ponies needed rugs, and how I let them walk all over me. Where that came from I have no idea as all my horses have always had impeccable manners. Even the babies! But once branded you never get over it and people see what they want to see. So at my new yard I made a real effort. Made people cups of tea, brought up biscuits to share, texted people to say hi, kept suggesting rides etc. Got there in the end, though I am quite shy really.

Good luck :smile:
 
I am in a strange situation on my yard. I don't really fit in with the liveries because I am not a competition rider and I don't have a 'posh' looking horse, but then I do really fit in with the yard staff and spend more time chatting with them. Luckily I like my own company and just get on and do what I want to. It's getting easier the longer that I am there.
 
I can easily wait until Spring, it just sort of makes sense that as she is going out about three times a week, that perhaps someone may want to come. I don't want to over do it so limiting it to 3times, or sensible weather. Wouldn't go out in high winds-got school for those days.
We do have facilities, power etc but we don't pass each other for weeks. Last saw livery when shared appointment.

Its not the horsemanship stuff because its all mixed in with everyday type handling. So she has a bit, manners and can be handled by anyone. Well ok if i set the hoop up we look whacky-but that is trek training for later on, she is just your average 4year old.
 
how big is the yard? maybe you could find new friends at the same yard?
When Minnie was on livery at the big yard I felt a little out of place because most people in the barn she was in were pretty loaded ($30,000 horses etc.) and here I am with my little mutt...
Everybody was nice though. The only person I didn't get along with at all was the barn owner. I just didn't feel like I was part of it.
But just a barn over where the Western peeps and the disabled riding folks were I just felt like I could make a friend right away.
Same place, different crowd. It just depends. Most places are smaller than this one though.
 
Update

Spoke to livery today- one horse out of work so won't be going out with me, the others don't see me so tend to forget i am even there.
So just case of ships passing and all that.

I am ok with longreining, getting bit tired as its nothing but hills! She was bit spooky today but nothing more than usual.

Note to self-if your pony can do a trot to halt with a quarter turn on the fore hand, try not to run into said stopped bottom! It is probably a good idea to have a bit more space between you, rather than test the quiet nature of the bottom. :unsure:
 
newforest said:
Note to self-if your pony can do a trot to halt with a quarter turn on the fore hand, try not to run into said stopped bottom! It is probably a good idea to have a bit more space between you, rather than test the quiet nature of the bottom. :unsure:
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:redcarded::giggle:
 
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