First horse and it's all going pear-shaped :(

[Nellzim]

Hey all,

I recently bought my first horse! https://newrider.com/threads/settling-in-a-new-first-horse-tips.257494/#post-3159003

It's not going great...there have been a few hiccups and now I am a bag of nerves. Merlin (/Bambi as I've started calling him to try and see the funny side of his skittishness) is obviously picking up on me being a walking pillar of nervous energy and is acting up accordingly. I simply cannot keep my adrenalin down and relax and instead of bonding I feel like our relationship is deteriorating

Firstly, he has a lovely setup I think. He's on 24/7 turnout with a field shelter, he has horses and ponies to talk to and muzzle over the fence, I top up his water and haynet everyday, salt lick, I paint his hooves with treatment (when I can get near them) and he'd be lathered with affection if he wanted it.

The problem is he is very wary. I don't think that's a new horse thing, he was pretty standofish with his owner (who backed him) when I went to see him. I suppose I thought, naively, it was just because she herself was quite reserved (on a sidenote I wonder if horses pick up the personality of the people who back them? Prob not I wonder if there's an influence), and maybe he'd change with oodles of hands on love.
I've tried not to come on too strong and I'm giving him the space he's asking for. The problem is I need to be able to handle him of course, and everything is difficult! Getting his rug on and off is a nightmare, he stands almost trembling and the second it's undone he bolts off (like my bf described it "like Black Beauty escaping the fire"). On a few occasions he's bolted before I've had a chance to finish the straps and then of course races around freaking out about the rug flapping on him like it's a tiger on his back.

The first time I went to pick his back hooves he kicked me. In nearly three decades of being around horses (with breaks) I've never been kicked, so that really shocked me. Unfortunately it's also made me really nervous around him which has been disastrous.

Riding...I took him on walks in hand for the first couple of weeks, then just slow and small hacks. He's actually very good under saddle (although very spookish). The first time we went into an open space though he started bucking, so again nerves sky high. Also I went out once with another horse here who unfortunately was very nappy. Every time he started napping Merlin followed suit. Eventually Teddy would listen to his rider but Merlin wouldn't respond to anything I did and only moved forward with Teddy. We had a really hairy moment on a busy road (A37) when crossing Teddy napped, Merlin planted and was like a statue with a lorry bearing down on us and leapt over just in time. Really stressful ride.

I'm trying to persevere and get him into a good routine of riding out for a bit each day, getting handled, groundwork etc. Bearing in mind I have kids and a job I am giving Merlin all my free time but I don't have hours of freetime to work with him on hte ground unfortunately. I'm trying to sort extra childcare just so I'll be able to.

Yesterday when I went to tack him up he reared up when I was doing the girth - again a first for me. I was so rattled I ended up taking off the saddle and bursting into tears Which was another decimating blow to the last remaining scaffolding of trust between us.

It's so hard...he seems so sweet, he'll come look at us over the fence (probably for treats, which I have had to resort to for catching him but am weaning off because don't want to create a bargy treatseeker!). He is mostly a lovely ride, very soft in the mouth and responsive to weight aids.

Of course the obvious question is: is he in pain? I did a 5 stage vetting and the vet didn't find anything. The saddle fitter and farrier didn't think anything was up with his back. I'm getting physio out to confirm. I can't just haemorrage money on dentist, vet etc just in case. I've tried the NAFF "magic" calmer, he's been on it for a couple of weeks now.

Just feeling really hopeless, he's a lovely looking and mostly sweet seeming boy but really tricky on the ground to handle. I was so hoping for a placid, friendly family horse that I could pop my daughter on to lead around down the line, and that we could all dote on and groom. Merlin is going on 16 years old - I wonder if his personality on the ground could even change at this stage?

Any advice would be hugely appreciated, but just typing this out has actually made me feel so much better! Sorry for the ginormous essay, if you made it this far thank you for reading!

Edit: I read this and I realize it sounds very melodramatic and moany - I know the truth is Merlin is just scared or in pain. I just want to help him but I feel like he doesn't want me anywhere near him so it's hard to know what to do!

 

[Doodle92]

Reacting to the girth and rugginh would make me think ulcers. My boy had a complete personality transplant when he has them. Quite often a change in owner/home/routine could have caused them or flared up ulcers already there. This would not be picked up at a vetting. Speak to your vet about getting him scoped. It is not a cheep course of treatment. (Scope around £350 with sedation and a months treatment is £717) but they are horrid things and made Robin so utterly miserable and just not him.

 

[Nellzim]

Gosh - I hadn't even thought of ulcers that really could be it...I do think there is some pain involved and his back isn't at all sensitive to touch so that would make much more sense..aaargh that is so expensive but hey ho seems like everything is with horses! I'll talk to my vet and see what they think. Thank you!

 

[Doodle92]

Mine was quite happy to get saddle on. Or to the extreme or girthy but not happy with girth going up. He was sensitive right In front of his front legs and chest and would also be head shy on the left only. And when you think you put headcollot and bridle on from the left. Also when he is ulcery he becomes very over reactive and even more spooky when ridden.

 

[carthorse]

He's a Welsh D isn't he? They're often cracking horses but they usually need firm sensitive handling and a confident owner. He sounds like a very typical Welsh that thinks he doesn't have this, and on the one hand it's worrying him while in the other he's exploiting it. Before that sounds negative I'll add that I love the breed, have known lots of them, owned one purebred, my first pony was Welsh x Arab (my parents weren't horsey!) and my current lad is out of a Welsh Cob mare by a Hackney x stallion - I love the breed and the personality.

At the moment it sounds to me like you're scaring each other and you need to break that cycle so he feels he can turn to you and when he starts being all Welsh you can roll your eyes and say "really?" in a bored tone - it's amazing how that takes the wind out of their sails. You need to get someone in to help you with him on the ground and under saddle, you're trying hard on your own but if you have any doubts - and you do - then he sounds like the sort who's going to react to them and then you're in a downward spiral. Things like rugs you need to bring him in from the field and tie him up to do because every time it goes wrong you make it more worrying for both of you. I wouldn't automatically assume ulcers from that, he's had a fright and now he expects it to go wrong o he reacts and it does , partly because you haven't got him in a controlled environment and aren't taking control of the situation. You need someone to go through day to day safe handling - feet, rugs, tacking up, realising who's in charge - and riding too because he shouldn't be ignoring you when you ride.

Welsh cobs are known for being sensitive, sharp and opinionated, even people who've been consistently riding and handling horses for years can find they've been thrown a curve ball if they get one for the first time and you sound like you've not been around horses much for a good few years. The good news is once they know where they stand with you - and assuming it's not above you - they can be loyal horses that will try their heart out for you and are fantastic fun. You "just" need to get the foundations right and to do that you need some hands on support.

 

[carthorse]

This is a link to the duplicate thread which has some good replies on it https://newrider.com/threads/first-horse-and-its-all-going-pear-shaped.257615/

 

[Mary Poppins]

He's a Welsh D isn't he? They're often cracking horses but they usually need firm sensitive handling and a confident owner. He sounds like a very typical Welsh that thinks he doesn't have this, and on the one hand it's worrying him while in the other he's exploiting it. Before that sounds negative I'll add that I love the breed, have known lots of them, owned one purebred, my first pony was Welsh x Arab (my parents weren't horsey!) and my current lad is out of a Welsh Cob mare by a Hackney x stallion - I love the breed and the personality.

At the moment it sounds to me like you're scaring each other and you need to break that cycle so he feels he can turn to you and when he starts being all Welsh you can roll your eyes and say "really?" in a bored tone - it's amazing how that takes the wind out of their sails. You need to get someone in to help you with him on the ground and under saddle, you're trying hard on your own but if you have any doubts - and you do - then he sounds like the sort who's going to react to them and then you're in a downward spiral. Things like rugs you need to bring him in from the field and tie him up to do because every time it goes wrong you make it more worrying for both of you. I wouldn't automatically assume ulcers from that, he's had a fright and now he expects it to go wrong o he reacts and it does , partly because you haven't got him in a controlled environment and aren't taking control of the situation. You need someone to go through day to day safe handling - feet, rugs, tacking up, realising who's in charge - and riding too because he shouldn't be ignoring you when you ride.

Welsh cobs are known for being sensitive, sharp and opinionated, even people who've been consistently riding and handling horses for years can find they've been thrown a curve ball if they get one for the first time and you sound like you've not been around horses much for a good few years. The good news is once they know where they stand with you - and assuming it's not above you - they can be loyal horses that will try their heart out for you and are fantastic fun. You "just" need to get the foundations right and to do that you need some hands on support.

It's interesting to hear your perspective on Section Ds. I shared one about 18 years ago now and he was really nice much of the time, but had a real streak in him which tested me to my limit. One day we went to an in-hand show and his owner drove off and left me there. He was wild and I had no control at all (lost him twice on the showground!) until someone helped me put a chifney on him and then at least he stopped getting away from me. I gave him up after that!

Not much help to the OP I know, but the breed does have a reputation for needing very clear boundaries and that firm sensitive handling that Carthorse described.

 

[Doodle92]

I know the “really?” reaction. It’s helps us both.

However I have no read your first post and this one properly. And actually I’m going to change my answer and wouldn’t be going straight to ulcers. I was presuming you had had him longer.

Bring him in and tie him up to do rugs. Or have someone hold him on the yard. Trying to do it loose in the field is asking for issues.

I am not being horrible but you are both scaring each other. It is never your turn to be anxious so you need to act brave even if you are not. Some horses just are not cuddly. And trying to make them be cuddly by loving them enough won’t happen.

 

[Nellzim]

Thanks for all these replies! This forum is incredibly helpful and supportive, I feel like i have a much clearer idea of where I'm going wrong and how to move forward. I struggle with being a "leader" and exuding that confidence I know he needs. I simply don't have it and horses smell BS from a mile off! Unfortunately there's noone around to help really, it's such a quiet livery and everyone comes in and out at different times (and quickly, very much keep themselves to themselves and want to crack on with the time they have). One girl has offered to watch me ride in field and give me some pointers which will hopefully help. I think I'll go for some refresher lessons somewhere (can't get an instructor to come out here) to make sure I'm not giving him confusing aids.

One problem is the second we start to hack I'm nervous and struggle to keep adrenalin down and authority in voice which is obviously terrifying to him, especially as its a new environment. There's noone to ride with so we're on our own, and it's either fields, open spaces, electric fences and sheep and cows (which he's terrified of) one direction, or other one requires crossing a really busy road (A37) and lots of spooky urban stuff and cars.

How do you think he'd react to me simply riding him around his own field for a bit just while we get to know each other, or would that be really confusing for him (plus not great for ground!)

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

If it were me, I would not think of riding him at all until he knows and trusts you. So I would start with groundwork in the field and build up to taking him out for walks, along all the routes you intend to hack. Treat the walks as training, have him on a long line, carry a horseman's stick or dressage or lunge whip, and build up trust as you help him to get to know his new area. This willl give both of you confidence so that when you start to ride, whether it's in the field or out on a hack, it goes better.

I recommend the long line and whip/stick so that if he gets stuck you have the tools to urge him forward when you're ready.

 

[carthorse]

I really would try to get someone out to help you. Ask around locally, join local fb horse groups etc and see if there are any freelance instructors who would walk out with you and give you a lesson on a hack - it sounds like hacking is what you plan to do with him so it makes sense to make that the focus of your lessons. t would be even better if it was an instructor who for the first session was prepared to hack him while you walked.

Could you find someone to ride him a couple of ties a week? Someone who knows what they're doing and understands you need help getting him suitable for you, not a wannabe who fancies a few rides tearing around. I wouldn't expect to be charging them for this, or asking them to do care unless they want to, indeed I would be prepared to pay for the right person since it will keep him in work and get him knowing the rides so he'll be more confident when you do ride. That's not to say it may not turn into a longer term share if it works for both of you. You may also find this person would be helpful at giving you tips for working with him.

I have to say I'd be reluctant to leave him too long unridden because it can make it into a bigger deal when you do want to get back on. It's one of those things that's a personal opinion though, and depends on the horse too. I got straight on with Luka when I got him while @Jane&Ziggy spent time getting to know Sid without riding - neither approach is wrong.

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

@carthorse I didn't know if my saddle would fit him at the time, so I had 6 weeks waiting for a saddler! I did ride him bareback in that time but perhaps the OP wouldn't feel confident to do that. Sid was quite shut down when I got him, which I interpreted as calm, so I felt ok for a bareback sit.

 

[carthorse]

@Jane&Ziggy like I said we all do things differently, though I had forgotten you had saddle problems. I still wouldn't ride Luka bareback, I think his action would bounce me clean off his back even on a quiet day

 

[newforest]

Was this horse described as a confidence giver, ideal novice, ideal first horse?
If not you might not be the human for him.
You've said you don't have the confidence he needs, so you need something who already has it and maybe offers it to you.

How familiar are you with NH methods? If he's been started that way, he will be looking for feel, he will be in tune with your energy and you've said you can't lower your adrenaline.

If you can't find anyone to foot soldier from a nearby yard, current yard freelance. I would look at getting an instructor in to watch and advise.

 

[Huggy]

Thanks for all these replies! This forum is incredibly helpful and supportive, I feel like i have a much clearer idea of where I'm going wrong and how to move forward. I struggle with being a "leader" and exuding that confidence I know he needs. I simply don't have it and horses smell BS from a mile off! Unfortunately there's noone around to help really, it's such a quiet livery and everyone comes in and out at different times (and quickly, very much keep themselves to themselves and want to crack on with the time they have). One girl has offered to watch me ride in field and give me some pointers which will hopefully help. I think I'll go for some refresher lessons somewhere (can't get an instructor to come out here) to make sure I'm not giving him confusing aids.

One problem is the second we start to hack I'm nervous and struggle to keep adrenalin down and authority in voice which is obviously terrifying to him, especially as its a new environment. There's noone to ride with so we're on our own, and it's either fields, open spaces, electric fences and sheep and cows (which he's terrified of) one direction, or other one requires crossing a really busy road (A37) and lots of spooky urban stuff and cars.

How do you think he'd react to me simply riding him around his own field for a bit just while we get to know each other, or would that be really confusing for him (plus not great for ground!)

Hey all,

I recently bought my first horse! https://newrider.com/threads/settling-in-a-new-first-horse-tips.257494/#post-3159003

It's not going great...there have been a few hiccups and now I am a bag of nerves. Merlin (/Bambi as I've started calling him to try and see the funny side of his skittishness) is obviously picking up on me being a walking pillar of nervous energy and is acting up accordingly. I simply cannot keep my adrenalin down and relax and instead of bonding I feel like our relationship is deteriorating

Firstly, he has a lovely setup I think. He's on 24/7 turnout with a field shelter, he has horses and ponies to talk to and muzzle over the fence, I top up his water and haynet everyday, salt lick, I paint his hooves with treatment (when I can get near them) and he'd be lathered with affection if he wanted it.

The problem is he is very wary. I don't think that's a new horse thing, he was pretty standofish with his owner (who backed him) when I went to see him. I suppose I thought, naively, it was just because she herself was quite reserved (on a sidenote I wonder if horses pick up the personality of the people who back them? Prob not I wonder if there's an influence), and maybe he'd change with oodles of hands on love.
I've tried not to come on too strong and I'm giving him the space he's asking for. The problem is I need to be able to handle him of course, and everything is difficult! Getting his rug on and off is a nightmare, he stands almost trembling and the second it's undone he bolts off (like my bf described it "like Black Beauty escaping the fire"). On a few occasions he's bolted before I've had a chance to finish the straps and then of course races around freaking out about the rug flapping on him like it's a tiger on his back.

The first time I went to pick his back hooves he kicked me. In nearly three decades of being around horses (with breaks) I've never been kicked, so that really shocked me. Unfortunately it's also made me really nervous around him which has been disastrous.

Riding...I took him on walks in hand for the first couple of weeks, then just slow and small hacks. He's actually very good under saddle (although very spookish). The first time we went into an open space though he started bucking, so again nerves sky high. Also I went out once with another horse here who unfortunately was very nappy. Every time he started napping Merlin followed suit. Eventually Teddy would listen to his rider but Merlin wouldn't respond to anything I did and only moved forward with Teddy. We had a really hairy moment on a busy road (A37) when crossing Teddy napped, Merlin planted and was like a statue with a lorry bearing down on us and leapt over just in time. Really stressful ride.

I'm trying to persevere and get him into a good routine of riding out for a bit each day, getting handled, groundwork etc. Bearing in mind I have kids and a job I am giving Merlin all my free time but I don't have hours of freetime to work with him on hte ground unfortunately. I'm trying to sort extra childcare just so I'll be able to.

Yesterday when I went to tack him up he reared up when I was doing the girth - again a first for me. I was so rattled I ended up taking off the saddle and bursting into tears Which was another decimating blow to the last remaining scaffolding of trust between us.

It's so hard...he seems so sweet, he'll come look at us over the fence (probably for treats, which I have had to resort to for catching him but am weaning off because don't want to create a bargy treatseeker!). He is mostly a lovely ride, very soft in the mouth and responsive to weight aids.

Of course the obvious question is: is he in pain? I did a 5 stage vetting and the vet didn't find anything. The saddle fitter and farrier didn't think anything was up with his back. I'm getting physio out to confirm. I can't just haemorrage money on dentist, vet etc just in case. I've tried the NAFF "magic" calmer, he's been on it for a couple of weeks now.

Just feeling really hopeless, he's a lovely looking and mostly sweet seeming boy but really tricky on the ground to handle. I was so hoping for a placid, friendly family horse that I could pop my daughter on to lead around down the line, and that we could all dote on and groom. Merlin is going on 16 years old - I wonder if his personality on the ground could even change at this stage?

Any advice would be hugely appreciated, but just typing this out has actually made me feel so much better! Sorry for the ginormous essay, if you made it this far thank you for reading!

Edit: I read this and I realize it sounds very melodramatic and moany - I know the truth is Merlin is just scared or in pain. I just want to help him but I feel like he doesn't want me anywhere near him so it's hard to know what to do!

I'm like a broken record on NR, but have you tried rescue remedy? For you, and for the horse. I still take it every time I ride - maybe its a placebo effect, but the act of taking it even calms me a bit. There's obviously deeper issues that everyone on here has very sound advice for, but just had that thought.

 

[Jessey]

I’d keep looking for an instructor to come out to you.

I have always ridden in my fields, I’ve rarely been lucky enough to be anywhere with a school and I prefer to do the first few rides on an unknown horse in a place where they are more relaxed, I know and is contained if it goes pear shaped. And I’ve always just carried on their entire lives. Some people think it’s confusing for them but I’ve never felt any of mine show anything negative.

One thing I find useful with a particularly anxious horse is getting back to basics, routine and consistency. I batch everything into little sets. Eg. Catch, bring in/tie up (even if this is still within the field at the shelter or gate) at the same place, do something or nothing for just a minute or two (not long enough that they start the adrenaline flowing), lead back into the field to turn loose. Then catch, do stuff for longer/tack up, untack, head collar back on to lead to the turn loose place. So you’re gradually building onto the basic routine and doing things the same every time. Next add leading around the field tacked up, then leading and getting on before finishing, then eventually riding around. Big key is not to add steps until the previous is done really nicely everyday for a few days. I find it’s helpful with nerves for them to know what is expected next, and for them to know that they don’t just bugger off from the tie up point, they have to be calmly released for example. It’s also good for your confidence when you see them settling into what you’re asking. In the long run I don’t want them totally fixed in a routine, I want to be able to pick feet out in any order or to tack up anywhere etc, but initially it can be helpful while they learn to trust that you’re never putting them in harms way.

 

[Nellzim]

Hi again everyone and thank you SO much for all these golden tips and incredibly supportive words. This forum has done more to boost my confidence than anything! I'm going to try all this advice and I'll update this thread down the line, hopefully with some good news!

I've had so much wonderfully helpful advice and I tried the approach of walking in hand for a few weeks and showing him the area on foot. Then got flooded with warnings that should ride him before he became unrideable (he was in full work before coming here and can't lunge him) and most people seemed to think he'd best benefit from a 5 day riding out routine and that that would be good for my confidence too.

So I'm trying to get into a good routine of hacking out. Once I'm on and out I'm much more confident actually (even though I'm not from England and did all my riding either in an arena or outrides in the bush and find the idea of riding on roads with CARS bonkers, I'm a spooky human on the back of a spooky horse!) but I'm so focused on chilling him out with talking, singing etc that I am quite relaxed and for the last couple of days he's been a good boy to ride out just very, very jumpy.(Biggest spook to date,jumping and running off for a bit yesterday, when I looked back to see the scary monster it was a tiny calf looking through a gate!). He also jumped at his own fart and a wobbly leaf on path!

It's groundwork that I need most I think as after the kicking and rearing I'm just a jelly-legged radiator of nerves and poor thing must find me very unrelaxing. I think he trusts me (whinnies when he sees me - prob for food lol - licking, chewing, will come sniff me in field and hang out close to where I am) but doesn't respect me (cow kicked the other day when trying to get his back leg, won't stand still to mount, tack up etc). Does that make sense?

Anyway, just wanted to thank everyone so much and I'll update with more when I've tried all the advice.

 

[carthorse]

It sounds like you're making progress, with you as well as him. Don't let people rush you, what may be right for them may be completely wrong for you. As you're finding out he needs you to be confident, and you'll only be that if you're working at a pace and in a way you're happy with.

He still sounds very Welsh! But as you come to know him better and are more confident I bet you find things that worry you now actually become things you laugh or sigh at. I sometimes despair at Luka spooking ay other horses, I mean really?!?! But he settles for on the spot spooks at them now - all four feet off the ground and snort - and a sigh from me and he looks a bit sheepish and carries on. He wouldn't be Luka if he quietly bumbled past everything though, and I bet you'll feel that way in time too.

 

[Ninepins]

Wish you all the best @Nellzim It is no fun to have a relationship deteriorate, particularly one that you no doubt looked forward to with excitement.

Have you spoken with the previous owner about what you’ve been experiencing? If they backed him, and he is now 16, it seems like they would know him well.

Another tool to look at (and it doesn’t take the place of having an instructor/eyes on the ground etc, but anything that may give you some more control and confidence may help) is some decent ground work videos. There are a lot online, YouTube for instance. Being conscious of body language and approach can be helpful with the more opinionated ones.

Good luck. I’ve been where you are and it’s hard. Hope you can find a way forward.

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

It sounds as though you're making good progress, yay! Keep it up. Respect from a horse is something that forms over time, as I am discovering for myself at the moment - my horse Sid, who I would describe as a sensible hack, bucked a potential new sharer right off yesterday. I was mortified. Today I rode him round the same route and he was fizzy, but perfectly well behaved - but he didn't know her. Time does a lot!