Hacking, roads, stress...

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins

Well-Known Member
Oct 10, 2004
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Hello confidence club,

I need you.

As you will all know, I am the worlds most useless hacker. I can happily gallop round a huge field, I can ride in the school in all weathers, I can jump a course of jumps in the school and the field and I can hack in my 'safe' areas which involve 250 acres of private off road hacking. Ben gets a huge variety in his work and although I don't hack outside our grounds, he gets lots of time outside the school and I hardly think that he suffers from not exploring out of our 250 acres.

However, my local riding school is a 15 minute hack away. A few weeks ago I decided that I would crack my fear and learn to hack there so I can compete Ben in the very frequent showjumping and dressage events they hold there. My main obstacle is a very fast A road where cars drive anywhere from 60mph to 100mph. It is a long straight road where cars drive fast. We have to cross it and then walk about 20metres along it.

My aim to get my confidence up was to enlist of some good friends to ride Ben over the road for me. All went well. Ben is pretty much bombproof and traffic proof. After 3 hacks, I even rode him home after the dressage last week (with a friend on the ground).

The road is shut for repairs for 2 weeks, so this morning I felt confident enough to hack him over to the riding school with a friend and no person on the ground. All went well. We encountered lots of things, other horses, deer, golf buggy on the tracks, scarey road signs on the road. All went well. We went there and back in one piece. Ben was perfect.

So I should be happy right? Wrong. I have spent all afternoon in tears. Why? Because in my heart of hearts, that bloody road with the traffic flowing is just too much of a risk for me. I have 2 small children and I just cannot justify putting my life at risk to cross a road with crazy drivers just to complete a dressage test. I just can't do it. I don't want to do it. And I feel like a complete and utter idiot for not wanting to do it.

I have an amazing horse and I want to show him off. Every single person on my yard crosses the road to compete. I feel like I should pretend to feel confident but I can't.

My only answer is to get transport so I can drive there and to other venues to compete. My husband thinks that we have 6k we can spare on a little lorry for me, but I don't know what I can get for that and I am too upset to look. I just feel useless. I have an amazing horse and we could do very well. But if I can't cross this road then I am never going to be able to compete at the shows which are on my doorstep.

Wine and chocolate cake to anyone still reading. I have had far too much wine and I want to shake this horrible feeling that I am too much of a wuss to cross the road. At the end of the day, my children are more important than any competition and if I believe that something is dangerous, it probably is.
 
If lots of people ride across it is there any way you could contact the council about getting a horse crossing and safe bridle way installed for that section?

I don't know how do able this is, but the council did so near box hill but sadly it took a horse to be killed and a rider seriously injured before they did so :(

If you always go with someone on foot, they can help stop the traffic so you can cross and ask the cars to wait while you trot the 20metres up the road?

Can you ride on the pavement? I know its not really legal but we do round where I am and the council have just accepted it.

If not well at least you can afford a lorry and so you could box him there to compete which is even easier!
 
I am trying to think what our A roads are like and turning it around to what would you do if it was the horse that was nervous and you confident?
You would break it down into bite size pieces, starting with taking your foot off the pedal of pressure. I don't care what others do or not do, I am not them and they not me, so I would drip the if only I was like them.
Pretending and horses don't mix.

My first port of call would be an instructor to build you up hacking that way not necessarily when a competition is on, or enlisting in a friend to walk with you/hack with you. Then I would add the competition on.
Or scrap the idea completely, there are no you must go down it rules.
 
There is no pavement alone this road, and it is a very busy A road which there is no hope of cars slowing down. It gets worse when cars see horse riders and slow down, because the cars behind them just overtake. It really is so very dangerous.

I can go over with a foot solider and over the last few weeks a couple of friends have ridden Ben while I am the foot solider. But I don't have a number of people queuing up to walk over a mile on foot, wait around for me to compete/have a lesson etc. and then walk a mile home. My husband cannot do it because of the kids, and I hate to keep asking my friends who quite honestly do not understand what the problem is. I want to do things on my own and be in charge of myself and my horse only.

Also, the cars go so fast on this road, I would be putting my friends in danger by asking them to stop the traffic. I can't keep doing that. I just can't do it. I know that nervous riders are supposed to think confident thoughts, but after doing it today and everything going well, I know in my heart of hearts I don't want to do it anymore.
 
NO! You are just focusing on the negatives MP. You've listed all the positives - the amazing things you've achieved with Ben despite being a nervous rider (trust me, you don't seem it to me) - so stay focused on those. I wouldn't ride my horse down an A road either (I don't just mean Pops, I mean any hypothetical horse.) I don't believe horses are meant to be exposed to fast, heavy traffic - it's in no way natural for them, however bombproof they are, and is incredibly dangerous for horse riders. You can't reason with a horse like you can a person, and I see no reason why they should ever 'trust' big lorries anyway, as god knows I don't, a large percentage of drivers on the roads today are complete idiots.

Look into buying a lorry instead and doing it safely. Wish my hubby would buy me one! (Admittedly it would be pointless at the mo unless I decided to enter Poppy into 'cleanest horse' at a local kids' gymkhana. And as she lives out, we'd lose that too. ;))
 
squidsin said:
NO! You are just focusing on the negatives MP. You've listed all the positives - the amazing things you've achieved with Ben despite being a nervous rider (trust me, you don't seem it to me) - so stay focused on those. I wouldn't ride my horse down an A road either (I don't just mean Pops, I mean any hypothetical horse.) I don't believe horses are meant to be exposed to fast, heavy traffic - it's in no way natural for them, however bombproof they are, and is incredibly dangerous for horse riders. You can't reason with a horse like you can a person, and I see no reason why they should ever 'trust' big lorries anyway, as god knows I don't, a large percentage of drivers on the roads today are complete idiots.

Look into buying a lorry instead and doing it safely. Wish my hubby would buy me one! (Admittedly it would be pointless at the mo unless I decided to enter Poppy into 'cleanest horse' at a local kids' gymkhana. And as she lives out, we'd lose that too. ;))
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Ahh, now you have me in tears again. At last, someone who understands me. Thank you.xx
 
Well that's fair enough then, it doesnt sound like a nice place to ride! So you don't want to do it but you don't have to! Your husband has said you may be able to afford a lorry or you can hire one so you can just do that instead :)

I used to think I was really rubbish because I get a bit nervous hacking in certain situations, and people used to comment on it and make me feel really terrible. But then an amazing rider came to our yard and we got talking, I said perhaps her and her horse would like to go for a hack sometime. Oh no she said, I don't ever hack, it absolutely terrifies me!! And she competes xc and 1.30m courses! She boxes her horse out the places to give him some variety to his work but she would never even be able to ride down the lane to open the gate because it absolutely petrified her. I'm not thinking any less of her because of this just saying that it doesnt matter what makes you nervous or what you feel you can't do, you shouldn't feel rubbish because of it or a wimp or anything like that!
 
I have total sympathy. We have fantastic hacking once we are across the town bypass at a big roundabout near the end of our drive however we will only now hack after loading horse and driving to a friend's farm on the other side of the bypass. Tried it very early in the morning and still was scary to hold horses on the way back until road was clear of fast moving lorries.
 
Legally you are not allowed to have someone stop the traffic. We had the last endurance ride of the season today and due to quicksand the route had to be changed so there was a lot more roadwork but the person who was dealing with the road crossing section was told by the police that they were not allowed to stop the traffic.

You are NOT an idiot. I wouldn't be riding on fast roads either. I didn't put Magic at a livery yard a bit closer to home because to get to the hacking I would have had to ride along a very twisty 60mph country road that people speed round and I knew in my heart that if I put him there I would simply never have ridden him on it as I would be far too terrified.

If you've got the money to buy a trailer/lorry go for it as it will give you so much more freedom
 
MP I would feel exactly the same. I avoid a lot of things nowadays as I put my children first and they are dependent on me and me only plus I just wouldn't put myself at such a high risk. A road where people drive upto 100mph would be a no go for me.
 
MP from how you write, I get the impression that you are resigned that you won't overcome this fear enough to ride there yourself. Is that the case (no judgement btw. I just don't want to offer suggestions for how to overcome it, if you truly feel that is not an option). I respect you for the decision if that's the case.

For what it's worth I think ale has a good point about road safety. There was a campaign near my livery yard a while back and signs were put up, the police worked with local horse owners.

I think we all have to be work with our limitations and fears. I have things I don't do. I won't ride solo through the town and never will. I wish I could as it would open up some more routes, but to me, it's too risky these days and not an option.

Oh but I can't resist just asking one question - would you walk him inhand across the road on your own? Would that be an option?
 
Flipo's Mum said:
Oh but I can't resist just asking one question - would you walk him inhand across the road on your own? Would that be an option?
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I have thought long and hard about this, but he can be difficult to leave and can plant himself. He is almost impossible to trot in-hand and I just think that we would be more of a danger to ourselves and other road users if we couldn't clear the road quickly.
 
Well, I think I agree with FM. You are adamant that you aren't going to cross the road on him, so if your husband is happy for you to buy a box, I think that is the way forward.

But just wondering why were you happy for your instructor and friends to ride him across the road if it is that dangerous?

I have moved yards and it is MUCH more dangerous road wise than my previous yard. I am not for one moment suggesting that you ride across the road that you are talking about, but my horse is very good in traffic. We have people overtaking us fast with trailers, we pass tractors, milk tankers, idiots in cars speed past us, and actually, he is much happier about them than he is the killer stone that is one the verge or the killer piece of bracken that is about to leap out and bite him.
 
Why are you beating yourself up over this? You have decided that this is a step too far for you and probably always will be?

I can very well understand your reasoning, when my children where young I slowly but surely retreated from most of the more risky aspects to riding. Perfectly natural, you, and most mothers, become a mother first and a horse rider second. We might well continue with our hobby, but only happy to do so if it doesn't put our young children at risk of growing up motherless!:wink:

Your OH has very happily agreed that you are able to afford some form of transport to get to lessons and competitions. I can't see the issue, just start trailer or lorry hunting? None of us are obliged to do what others feel more able to do, when we start doing what we feel we 'ought' to do, rather than what we are happy to do, that is when the pleasure leaves the hobby IMO.:smile:
 
sjp1 said:
But just wondering why were you happy for your instructor and friends to ride him across the road if it is that dangerous?
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I think that people perceive danger in different ways. No-one else on my yard seems to think that it is dangerous. Some people enjoy riding further along it and riding around the busy roundabouts on horseback.I think that these people are a little crazy!

I let my friends ride him over because they do it everyday on their horses and have no nerves whatsoever. To them, crossing this road is a normal everyday event. The plan was that they would get Ben used to the route and when I was ready I would ride him there myself. I went along on the ground to see how Ben coped and to see if it was something that I could eventually do myself.

The plan worked. I did ride him over myself and Ben was well behaved at all times. However, I didn't enjoy it and therefore have decided I need to think of alternate ways of getting there - hence finding some transport.
 
Cortrasna said:
Why are you beating yourself up over this? You have decided that this is a step too far for you and probably always will be?
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I guess because everyone else does it and I feel stupid for not doing it myself. It's peer pressure and at 36 years old I should know better. Also the fact that my horse is a saint and pretty much bombproof. He doesn't even flick an ear to the traffic and is the least likely to do anything dangerous. I feel like I should be able to do it because he will look after me.

I feel happier now my decision is made not to do it again. I can hand on heart know that I tried my hardest to crack it, but playing around with fast moving, heavy traffic is something that is not for me.
 
MP I know what you are saying and if I could find a way to hack with out going on the road I would and I have to say I need to find my back bone at the weekend so the boys get to leave the yard.

Ginger is good in traffic but both times I have hacked him off the new yard he has done a massive spook in the road I sh&t my self but the hacking is so good the 1/2 is nearly worth it.

You should never do anything that puts the fear of life in you. buy the box/trailer and carry on enjoying Ben the way you feel safest.
 
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