I have decided to be proud and positive ...

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Roheryn

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Feb 21, 2005
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because earlier today I was feeling ashamed and negative.

I went to the barn to ride with a friend whose presence gives me confidence. We were going to school my guy a little.
Friend never showed up.
I decided to ride with another boarder.
All the other boarders like to ride in the huge great outdoor school that gives me panic attacks.
I wanted to ride, and it was either ride with company in the huge great school or all alone in the tiny little one.
I rode in the huge great one. A quarter of the way around on the rail. Horse listened to me, came onto the bit. I started getting nervous, realizing where I was and what I was trying to do.
I got off.
Companion offered to let me ride his horse. Huge great horse, very quiet, but very BIG.
I could not even get my foot into the stirrup. Bad back won't let me lift my leg that high.
Led my guy back to the barn, to the tiny little school. Mounted all alone, rode one circuit, got off. Turned horse back out with pasture pals.
I drove home feeling ashamed of being the only one not liking the huge great school and having a bad back, and wishing I'd been able to relax all alone in the tiny little school.
But then I got to thinking. I got on in the huge great school. I rode in it. I relaxed enough to get horse on bit. Repeat for the tiny little school.
It does not really matter if everyone else loves the huge great school or that I can't get my foot into the stirrup of a horse that isn't even my horse. What matters is that I did 2 things that made me nervous and I was aware that I wasn't relaxed and I did relax.
If the only riding I do is lessons in the tiny little school, that is OK too.
 
Thats great you realized you achieved alot :D not only did you try, but you got your horse to listen to you, next time maybe you can go a few rounds of the big arena in walk , and build up from there. But if you dont, hey , it doesnt matter, stay where you feel comfortable. Riding is for fun after all:)

Must remind myself to apply this to my riding. I fear the big arena too, not sure why !!!??? I have started by just working in one corner and we are building up to using more space :p

So keep at it and remember THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN :D :D
 
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You're absolutely right Roheryn:) Try to stay focused on your own goals and don't compare yourself to other people. (hard to do I know ) It sounds to me like you had a really big "breakthrough moment "today;) I'd say you done good...really good.. I bet your confidence has soared :)
 
Thanks for the feedback!
One reason I don't like the huge great school is its wide open space. It's like there are no rails/walls to make me feel safe. My balance is all shot to heck these days anyway as I've come back to riding at a fairly late age and have back problems (also haven't been very active all week so am stiff and sluggish). It's like there's this great void out beyond the rail with nothing to hold on to except a horse I don't entirely trust because he has his own nerves to deal with.
I like the idea of working in just one corner of the big arena; after all, there are two rails there, and only open space on the one side that hasn't got a rail. I must keep that in mind for next time, and keep focused on my riding and keeping the horse calm. As soon as I loosened up my seat bones today he relaxed too--at least I was aware enough to realize that.
 
julia gulia said:
You're absolutely right Roheryn:) Try to stay focused on your own goals and don't compare yourself to other people. (hard to do I know ) It sounds to me like you had a really big "breakthrough moment "today;) I'd say you done good...really good.. I bet your confidence has soared :)
Click to expand...

I agree 150%!

Be proud of what you can do - and each day you will get a little better :)
Don't beat yourself up...

and yes - it's supposed to be fun...when it stops being fun you need to question why you are doing it.. :)
 
Well done with what you achieved! I can understand that fear of open huge spaces.. horses get twitchy in open spaces, and are more relaxed indoors.. I feel anyway... and if YOU feel more relaxed it follows that the horse will too... Stick to what you feel you can do, and when you've achieved that.. then move on.. try the corner.. :D Don't give up, and heck how many of us "matures" could get on from the ground onto a big horse? I know I struggle with Misty, who's only 14.2... Well done. :D
 
It's so easy for us to dwell on the negative, isn't it? Good for you on both your decision to see the positives in all that you do, AND on your achievements. Take it slow and enjoy your daily progress. So many people seem to be in such a rush that they forget they are supposed to be having fun too. So good for you on tackling the big arena...the more you gain confidense, the less nervous you'll feel there.
 
I love the story about the Tibetan monk who walked the length of the Himalayas, and when asked how he did such an amazing feat said 'One step at a time'. Lots of little steps make a big achievement - well done on taking the first ones!
 
Well done :D It doesn't matter whether you ride in a small school, a big school or in a field. It's the comfort and happiness of you and your horse that is the key. If you feel safer in a smaller school then go for it. You may find one day that you crave a bit of extra space, the small school may one day feel too small for you.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, you made a big step forward and came through something that you found difficult.

All the best. Onwards and upwards :D
 
Funny you say this has happened to you!! Yesterday I rode my new 16'3 idxtb ina small school with bush edges. His passes are going to be quick i think, I was nervous as hell!! I am 36 and me and my daughter are sharing, I was so nervous although I did try, but all I wanted to do was get off and walk him round or love him. He is so good he lets you do most things to him. If it wasn't for the audience I would have gone twice round and got off, but my lovely helful yard owner said to ride through the nerves and his jumpy feeling so I carried on but was glad to get off, but like you I was glad that I accomplised something new..
WELL DONE So proud be VERY PROUD LOL:p ;)
 
I Can Still Ride ! :)

You are all so nice! Thank you for all the wonderful replies and support! I wish we could all ride together--altho' it might take the huge great school to hold all of us and our horses and ponies.

I had a lesson today, best lesson I have had in 20-something years. Rode in the tiny little school and got so relaxed that towards the end we trotted. I have not trotted so much in 20-something years. Did a bit of sitting trot (or tried to), and some posting trot. It was just so much fun and I am still glowing from the joy of it. I went to my lesson thinking I would see how it went and decide whether or not to give up riding ... as soon as I was mounted I felt fine, and now having trotted I feel like a real rider again.

We didnt' trot A LOT by any means, but we did trot, and horse was so relaxed, he stayed on the bit almost all the time and was so good. It is the first time I have ever felt he actually enjoyed a lesson, and the first ride I've felt he enjoyed since the trail rides we went on last winter. It is so good to know that he seemed to enjoy it too.

Brunie--you sound just like I feel so much of the time. And when I make myself ride through the fear, the fear feels like a fog I just can't get past. I think you are very brave to do that. Bravo!
What do you do to ride through your and his nerves? I don't think I could handle 16.3--my guy is just over 15 hands and feels huge. Ideally I'd like something around 12.3 - 14.2. But my guy was so sweet today, and he knew he'd done well, he was very pleased with himself and afterwards he and I had a lovely conversation after I turned him out.

Thanks to you all for the kind support!:)
 
Roheryn
TAKE A LOOK AT MY PICCIES - ON I RODE MY HORSE!!! PICCIES.
All I did on Sunday when I rode Henry for the first time was try and stay calm, concentrate and at my age that is hard!!! It is difficult and my stomach doesn't like the nerves at all. All I kept thinking was if he didn't want me on him I WOULD BE OFF BY NOW!!! So I do feel like I got somewhere.
Take care and let me know how your getting on and keep up the good work.
xxlol Sal
 
t'is the little tiny steps that count, i really think that's especially true with horses.

well done :D

eta its the little steps that we need to be proud of, because only we know how much effort and will they required from us and our horses.
 
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Roheryn, you get a medal from me :D :D for starting this thread, especially the title - it sums it all up.

For me the crux is "i have DECIDED.." - we become our thoughts and focus so much on what goes wrong or should improve, that we never give ourselves credit for improving. We must consciously decide on giving credit and building on the good stuff. In this vein, I found a lovely article on http://horseplay.playwithhorses.com (thanks to Levy..). This article deals with confidence and how we should set small attainable goals en be vvv proud when we reach those goals. Like we should set up the horse to succeed, so we should set ourselves up to succeed! Profound stuff ;) and soo difficult to apply (for me anyway!:eek: )

After reading your thread and the article I started a log of all my accomplishments and improvements the past 2-3 months, and I was amazed at the progress that I wasn't acknowledging! WOW. Feeling very chuffed.:cool:
 
I am going to hang my Valiant medal up so I can see it, and wear it when I ride. :D It will go with all my riding sweatshirts and jackets. Thanks!

Your idea of keeping a riding log sounds like a good one and I may start doing that too. Yesterday my trainer was reminding me of the fact that I actually have made progress over the past weeks. I wish I could have a lesson every day. Last night I was feeling "up" enough for one of my favorite after-riding pasttimes--soak in a hot bath and browse my tack catalogs (not that I can afford either tall boots or a saddle, but I do love "wish books").

Thanks for the words of wisdom, Teabiscuit. You are right--each of us does know just how much each step is worth because we know just how much we put into each one.

I've just been thinking about my guy in the lesson yesterday . . . he was once used to having riders who knew what they were doing, and he has really had to adapt to his current ones, who aren't such great riders. I think that he really did enjoy the lesson yesterday because it is good to be ridden well and yesterday I did better than I have done in ages. Since he and I can't talk in words, he can only learn about my riding experience through my body, aids, etc. I mean, I can SAY "I'm gonna be relaxed, I really want to do this, I love horses and riding," but for him (and my trainer) I have to communicate this physically.

Errrr ... did not mean to give the impression with "all my riding jackets" that I have a whole slew of hacking jackets, ratcatchers, dressage shadbellies, and hunting pinks. I have not one of those. What I do have is one hooded zip-up sweatshirt for cool-weather riding and one Polartec jacket for cold-weather riding. The Polartec is about as classy as I get--it is from Lands' End! :D
 
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Thanks!

I'm still on a "high" from the two great rides and from all the great feedback replies to my posts here. Looking forward to the weekend and getting to ride again--this rain is supposed to gone by then!
 
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