I want to find my Dad

honey65

Member
Jul 4, 2009
333
4
18
Bakewell, Derbyshire
I know I'm not alone in the world, but my Dad left when I was 1. I've never consciously seen him, but throughout my life I've been told 'you're so like your Dad', and 'hmm, she gets that from her Dad doesn't she'. I bugged me so much as a child that I wondered why I could be so like someone I'd never met, and so unlike the people in my family. I grew up to be a Geneticist :wink: Gotta choose a career somehow!

I'm now 35 and have been through many cycles of 'I must find my father'. Ultimately, because he was a bit of a git and specialised in charming money out of people he isn't a standard person to find.

But... the older I get, the more likely I try and find him only to find that he's no longer around. That, would KILL me. So the more I think about it, the more I know that I should do something about it. I don't want to have every sunday lunch with him I might add. I just want to meet him so I can say 'yeah, I do get that from my Dad'. I'm not stupid. I know that I also want him to be proud of me and I feel in a good place for that. I've achieved a lot with my life and though its not perfect, if others think I've under achieved they can F*K off.

Don't know why I'm typing this really. Felt like sharing. Though, if anyone has any tips on people searching that might help too!
 
If your conwuering the world in July... goodness knows what wqe can expect from your corner in August!!!! Best take cover in shame!!!!!!!!

Good on you hun, no point lecturing about stuff - your grown up enough to decide I think ;) :) I hope you get the answers you want.. and if you cant make it work jeremy kyle always has that relative backstage as if by coincidence :p:D
 
I think you should do it.

I have lived all my life on/off wondering about a bit of a mystery in my childhood and as those involved are either dead or unknown I don't think I will ever get to the bottom of it now. Wish I had got more info earlier in my life.

You have to keep your eyes wide open that your findings may be of varaible satisfaction to you of course.

My OH does a lot of family tree stuff and there is a lot of stuff online about tracing family members so start with whatever you've got. T'internet is a godsend. Even simple stuff like Friends reunited and old school/work mates can lead you somewhere. It's not just younger people who use these sites.

Electoral roll and census info also availiable online I believe.
 
I would look into it too. I think it's very sad that he's not had anything to do with you for 34 years though, so I wouldn't expect too much. Providing he is still around, of course. I think you need to approach it with a very open mind and try not to get your hopes up. Good luck and do let us know how you're getting on from time to time. xx
 
I would go for it, you don't seem to be viewing him through rose tinted glasses, nothing to lose is there.:unsure:

My parents separated when I was 3, and if it hadn't been for my mums efforts I'm sure I would have lost contact with my dad. He was a bit of a "character" too, but still my dad.
 
I learnt recently that my mum actually stopped him from seeing me. There are no photos of my christening as he took them all on a rare visit after they separated. She also told me recently that he sent birthday cards and she threw them away. I hated her when I found that out but now I realised that she did it in a wierd, misguided, protective way.
 
I learnt recently that my mum actually stopped him from seeing me. There are no photos of my christening as he took them all on a rare visit after they separated. She also told me recently that he sent birthday cards and she threw them away. I hated her when I found that out but now I realised that she did it in a wierd, misguided, protective way.

I should add that he hit my mum and Nan once. My mum retaliated with a frying pan and nearly killed him. First and only time she was a victim :tongue:
 
I learnt recently that my mum actually stopped him from seeing me. There are no photos of my christening as he took them all on a rare visit after they separated. She also told me recently that he sent birthday cards and she threw them away. I hated her when I found that out but now I realised that she did it in a wierd, misguided, protective way.

I had a friend who nearly did that, and the Xmas pressies too. I told her if she wanted to chuck hers away that's fine, but the kids must be allowed theirs. The kids are now in touch and things have mellowed a little. The kids are now at an age where, had they found out, it could have been used as wonderful teenage ammunition. Good luck.

I tell you who is really, REALLY good at finding folk. Frances, who used to be on here. She can find folk that whole armies of solicitors have failed to find. Ask her if she has a spare 10 minutes, she loves doing things like that.
 
If you want to talk about it Honey65 pm me. I was in a similar position and as an adult got in touch with and tried to keep in touch with my Father. It is not always a good idea.

It would be best to go through somewhere like the SA who will provide some advice and support as well as things aren't always as you expect.
 
I found my dad through ancestry.co.uk linked to friends reunited site. This would only work if you knew his name, DOB and if he has any brothers sisters etc.

I feel sorry for you i really do, my friend really wants to know who her dad is but her mum won't tell her anything about him and refused to speak to her for two weeks just because she asked!

Good luck in your search!:happy:
 
Well, it's positive that you know that he tried to keep in touch for a while.... that's a good starting point :)
 
I think I would want to know and trace him if it were me, of course you might not always like what you find - but curiosity and such would get the better of me. OH recently found out his father was not exactly whom he thought he was (won't go into too much detail on here don't want anybody to get hurt you never know who reads forums). We would both like to know more, but unfortunately we have very few leads - mainly for family blocking us.
 
OK. freakily fast progress - my mum (of all people) found him! I now have an address, the name of the 2 sons he has and the name of his wife. I looked up his sons on facebook (I hate facebook; it allows all sorts of freaky people to stalk you without you knowing!).

Quite frankly i feel very sick. I thought that when I decided to find him it would take a couple of months paying massive £s to a private investigator or something. I did NOT expect to get an address in a matter of hours.

Not entirely sure what to do next......:unsure:
 
OK. freakily fast progress - my mum (of all people) found him! I now have an address, the name of the 2 sons he has and the name of his wife. I looked up his sons on facebook (I hate facebook; it allows all sorts of freaky people to stalk you without you knowing!).

Quite frankly i feel very sick. I thought that when I decided to find him it would take a couple of months paying massive £s to a private investigator or something. I did NOT expect to get an address in a matter of hours.

Not entirely sure what to do next......:unsure:

PM eml :)
 
Shame, hectic situation. I hope it works out for you. I don't have contact with my dad and haven't done for about 14 years, sometimes I get curious, recently went to a tea leaf reading lady (scarily accurate, I was sceptical) and she said she didn't know why but no matter how hard it was for me I should get in touch with him (she didn't know me from Eve and it was in South Africa), but to my mind it's not something I need to do, I'm not someone who fill's their life with regrets. On the other hand the situation has added to the trauma my wee sis feels about her life. Go in with an open mind. Some can's have too many nasty worms in them! Let us know how you go x
 
I don't know whether my mum is alive or not, as she's spent most of her life in P1 wards.. haven't seen her in 18 years, and Tbh, after that brief encounter at 16 when I stayed with her for a few days.. I never want contact with her again.. just to know she's ok is enough for me.. I also have no contact with her side of the family either..
Everyone's situation is different, I hope you find your dad :)
 
I have been in the same situation . Am 37 now and not seen my real "father" since I was a few weeks old. Decided to track him down and by sheer conincidence a father of a friend knew him. Met him about 12 years ago when I was 25 , arranged a second meeting and decided not to see him again for some good reasons. Are you sure it is what you want to do ? Pm me if you wanna chat
 
Honey65 I don't want to predudice you but I found my father, who had ignored me as a child after he left when I was 12. One day out of the blue when I was in my twenties having discovered where he lived I drove up and knocked on his door and was greeted with open arms making me very happy. Many years later I had to force him (yes I do mean that) to meet his grand daughter and had a happy day ...I have never seen him since depite many efforts, invites to stay with me , turning up at his house randomly etc.

To all intents and purposes my daughter has no grandfather and I do not know if my father is alive or dead. Sometimes things are best left alone.

I know some of the reasons why now and they do affect my life....I personally would rather not have known.

Please be very careful.
 
It breaks my heart to read these tales. I lost my dad 8 weeks ago, and it hurts terribly, but I am oh so very grateful that he was a good, loving, wonderful dad. I know that makes it hurt more now, but my heart goes out to you all who haven't been lucky enough to have this. {{hugs}}
 
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