Lacking confidence

Innocence

Innocence

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Jun 1, 2009
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I don't know what is up with me lately, well i probably do but my confidence around my horses seems to be getting worse.

I have never feared any horses i've had over the years and alot of them have been youngster, don't think i've never had a ready to ride and always backed my own. But i had a 4 year break where i had my children then went back to having horses again.

I now have a rising 3 cob who hasn't been the easiest but he is gradually coming round and now my TB is a complete cow and i don't trust either of them. I know they sense my lack of confidence and that is why they play up for me, more my TB than the cob. I was double barrelled in the field a few weeks ago by my TB and she is always trying to rear or buck when leading and basically a complete prat.

I am getting some help in but i need to build my own confidence up to stop them taking the p*ss out of me. Any suggestions?
 
I know this will sound strange but I lost my confidence last year, twice:frown:

First time was with my TBX who to be honest is a dream really but I was knocked over in the field and he trampled me (he was being chased by his feild mate, wrong place, wrong time) I got over it and was getting on fine riding loads of other peoples horses as well as mine and loving every minute of it. Then a friends horses reared on me as I was walking him back to his field. I was terrified and to this day I can't walk that horse at all.

It scared he that much that the next day I was walking on of the other horses I ride back and he started to play up a little (I know he does this and it has never bothered me before) I froze and almost cried on the spot (one of the other liveries had a deal with him) then I paniced with my boy who did nothing wrong but lift his head:help:

Sorry long story to get to this one liner....Start leading other peoples horses (if possible) I share a field and lool after her horse in the winter so I had to get my condience before the winter. We swapped horses for a while to lead in and out and she let me do some ground work with hers, Being with something that I was not 100 happy with but having his owner there if something happened or I paniced again really helped. I am better now but if I see one of the boys running around I always get someone to walk with me when I bring them in. Just having someone there really helps
 
Thanks for that Chanter.

Unfortunately we all bring our horses in at different times so being able to borrow someone else's horses is not really an option. At the moment my partner puts the horses out and brings them in as he is stronger than me and can hold their heads down. However, he starts a new job in a weeks time and i will have to sort the horses myself.

Both my horses don't lead in well without each other because of my TB separation issues and leading together if one decides to be a prat it sets the other one off.

I'm hoping this NH person can help. I've also advertised my TB because i feel totally over horsed with her and ideally want something smaller to deal with. I know that may sound like i'm giving up on her but i have two small children i need to consider.
 
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God no I completely understand your saftey should always come first. I must admit that I never lead two horses together anymore after what happened and his field mate can unsettle my boy. I have problems when it's dark that which ever one I bring in first the other one goes mad but it is only a 5 minute walk there and back so I just leave them to stress. I also out a small pile of fresh hay out for the one that is left behind and after a bit of stressing they general shut up and eat the new hay. I still panic when they are tearing around the field waiting and I still panic when I walking them in or out if they play up.

Really hope the NR person helps and if not that you find somewhere nice for you TB. I truely believe that there is nothing bad amount admitting you find something difficult or scarey and it takes a brave person to amdit that.
 
If she likes a bite, I found a muzzle a lovely piece of kit... I only had to worry about being trampled and keeping my space as "mine" rather than worrying about being bitten etc.
 
God I thought I was the only one who hated turning out my horse. He is a dream in the summer when he is out all the time but come winter, when he is stabled, that's a different story. I don't mind bringing in but I am terrified turning him out. I wear hard hat always. I could never be a groom. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night thinking about it.
 
popularfurball said:
If she likes a bite, I found a muzzle a lovely piece of kit... I only had to worry about being trampled and keeping my space as "mine" rather than worrying about being bitten etc.
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She doesn't bite, did i write that somewhere? She does everything else though!

If i leave her and bring my cob in first she goes nuts calling and running up the field and is a nightmare to control bringing in when i go back to get her. If i bring her in first, my cob then goes nuts running up the field (it doesn't suffer separation issues but doesn't like my TB getting anything before him).

My cob is generally quite placid to lead but he does have his moments when provoked, however, my TB doesn't take any provoking and just takes flight whenever it takes her fancy.

Standing outside her stable though you would think she was a saint, doesn't move, loves fuss etc but as soon as you put her in a school or leading in and out her field etc a switch comes on and that's it.

Chanter your words are really sweet and appreciated. I bought my TB on a whim thinking that having her so young i could mould her into my perfect horse but i had never experienced TB's before and totally underestimated the breed. She needs someone used who is used to TB's. If this NH person can work magic on her then i will keep her and work with her but for the moment the safety of my family has to come first.
 
I lost my confidence with Joy a few years back. I took a look at where I was struggling and got help in so that somebody else was doing that with her and I could see she wasn;t that bad. I also got lessons with other horses so that I could see that I was n't that bad! Then having watched somebody else with her week after week I got so itching to have a go that I then had lessons with her.

I kept within, or just pushing, my boundaries and we eventually came out the other side. By initially staying within my comfort zone I was able to take the pressure off myself and get back in touch with what I loved about Joy - it was all the things that I had lost my confidence with! I now enjoy these challenging aspects of her again.
 
criollo1 said:
God I thought I was the only one who hated turning out my horse. He is a dream in the summer when he is out all the time but come winter, when he is stabled, that's a different story. I don't mind bringing in but I am terrified turning him out. I wear hard hat always. I could never be a groom. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night thinking about it.
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When things were bad for me i was kept awake for nights on end worrying. When it came to winter and I knew I had to turn Blake out as well I was up all night scared stiff. I still have my moments but they are getting less.

Innocence I dont think it is just a TB thing I have seen a lot of ponies and natives at my yard on their back legs coming in. :giggle: and as they say in the horse world confidence can take years to build and seconds to knock down. If thing dont work out at least you still have you cob and can spend quailty time enjoy him again without the extra stress, surely thats why we have horses anyway:biggrin:
 
OwnedbyChanter said:
When things were bad for me i was kept awake for nights on end worrying. When it came to winter and I knew I had to turn Blake out as well I was up all night scared stiff. I still have my moments but they are getting less.

Innocence I dont think it is just a TB thing I have seen a lot of ponies and natives at my yard on their back legs coming in. :giggle: and as they say in the horse world confidence can take years to build and seconds to knock down. If thing dont work out at least you still have you cob and can spend quailty time enjoy him again without the extra stress, surely thats why we have horses anyway:biggrin:
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I plan to enjoy my cob, he is being backed in the spring, with some gentle hacking in walk to get him out and about then turned away in the winter ready to start again with his schooling. I'm not saying my cob has been easy, he hasn't and sometimes i have felt totally out of my league with him but he has come out the other side being a lovely horse. He is still nervous but hopefully that will diminish in time. One of his quirks shall we say.

My TB just seems different like she won't come out the other side or is that me giving up too quickly on her because of the hard slog i have already gone through with my cob. I just don't know, but what i do know is i need to build my confidence and start handling them again without any fear.
 
Hi Innocence -- sounds to me as if you are pretty solid on the horse knowledge front -- so what would be most useful for you is one of two thigns:

1. prepare and execute a "step by step" apporach to your TB taking care to preserve your confidence at each stage -- tell yourself this is going to be a slow, steady process and relax and enjoy the journey as your confidence builds incrementally for a while before a final jump to its former levels

2. have a session with someone who is about CONFIDENCE not so much about horses...I have a feeling that once you understand the whys and whats of this confidence dip, you will find it pretty straightforward to sort out the how to fix it.

there are several folk on here who do confidence work -- any NLP or EFT practitioner (preferably one who knows horses a bit too) would be able to have a sessio with you that would make a big difference


good luck xxx

Cathy
 
Confidence crisis - I know all about that since my accident last summer.

I've been advised to go back to basics and do lots of groundwork to become the real leader again. If your horses are taking the mick, they clearly don't have enough respect for you. The NH people should be able to help you or else there are lots of good books on the market. Ultimately, it needs to be you who conducts the exercises because the NH people won't necessarily have an authority problem with your horses like you actually do.

Good luck ! :smile:
 
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