Settling into slower pace of life

eventerbabe

eventerbabe

Well-Known Member
Dec 16, 2004
15,137
546
113
Help! I'm on maternity leave now until August 2021. After our devestating loss of our son last year, I want as much time with our wee girl as we can afford. But I cannot switch to the slower pace. I'm a head of department in a secondary school. I'm used to being busy, stressed and on the go. Now my days are so much quieter. I'm lucky having hubby working at home so he can look after little one to allow me horse time (horses are at home too). We do baby yoga once a week. Baby sensory too. I've just signed up to post natal yoga as I had a section so still healing. But I've this nagging feeling I should be doing more (such as school work/rewriting courses etc). Someone give me a virtual slap!!
 
eventerbabe said:
Help! I'm on maternity leave now until August 2021. . . . .. But I've this nagging feeling I should be doing more (such as school work/rewriting courses etc). Someone give me a virtual slap!!
Click to expand...
No. Maternity leave exists for a purpose - for you to spend time with your baby. Problem is that it depresses those of us who are used to an active life. But it is said that one's body and mind slow down after childbirth so that one adjusts to focus entirely on the dependent baby.
 
  • Like
Reactions: eventerbabe and Huggy
Never feel that motherhood is "doing nothing" - it's one of the most important, rewarding jobs you can do. And it's fun (Well, sometimes!) Relax and enjoy introducing your little newbie to the fourlegged loves of your life - she'll be spending LOTS of time with them!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kite_Rider
Give it time youll probably join a new mums club there are usually groups about. Although probably not so many with covid currently. But maybe you can find one where they are doing small groups so you meet up for coffee. I know someone i worked for did it and it gave her time out the house.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kite_Rider
Firstly, congratulations on your little girl. I am so happy for you.
You may find that the buzz you feel so soon after birth wears off a little in the coming weeks, as you settle into some sort of routine. The yoga should help calm your mind as well as help your body recover. Having a young baby is often a mix of peaceful and hectic times, so just try to go with the flow.
But that does not mean switching off your brain. You will need to keep up to date with your subject (sorry, I have forgotten your subject), ready for when you return to work. You may also be able to read up on other things you did not have time for before. But flexibility is the key to getting the right balance.
Good luck, and above all, enjoy being a mother!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kite_Rider and eventerbabe
Thanks guys. With the covid restrictions, groups are either not running or on zoom. But in the next fortnight the groups I go to are going back face to face which I'm looking forward to! We had our first trip out yesterday, just little one and I. Big confidence boost for heading to groups in the coming weeks. I'm keeping my hand in work wise doing an online biology course and have trained to deliver a new STEM course. I think being head of the department, I'm not settled with a stranger running my department. I don't know the lady who was appointed and we only spoke over the phone thanks to covid. I know in the scheme of things, work is not important. And I'm probably a bit of a control freak so time away will do me good!

We had a hectic morning where little one was so sick she required hosed down and changed before baby massage/yoga! But we learned some rudimentary reflexology which she loved so I'll be using that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Huggy and Trewsers
eventerbabe said:
Thanks guys. With the covid restrictions, groups are either not running or on zoom. But in the next fortnight the groups I go to are going back face to face which I'm looking forward to! We had our first trip out yesterday, just little one and I. Big confidence boost for heading to groups in the coming weeks. I'm keeping my hand in work wise doing an online biology course and have trained to deliver a new STEM course. I think being head of the department, I'm not settled with a stranger running my department. I don't know the lady who was appointed and we only spoke over the phone thanks to covid. I know in the scheme of things, work is not important. And I'm probably a bit of a control freak so time away will do me good!

We had a hectic morning where little one was so sick she required hosed down and changed before baby massage/yoga! But we learned some rudimentary reflexology which she loved so I'll be using that.
Click to expand...

I can relate to the being a control freak, word from the wise, don't be, being stressed and frantic is no good for you at all long term.

I will echo what @Huggy said above, please don't ever feel that being a Mum isn't a worthwhile job, or even a 'proper' job. Being a Mum full time is bloody hard work if you engage in it fully, enjoy your new baby girl, make the most of every single second because one day she will be going off to Uni and you'll find yourself wondering where the heck the years went, your job will still be there waiting for you when you go back and if your cover has made a mess of it, then at least it'll give you something to get back to controlling. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Huggy
Huggy said:
Never feel that motherhood is "doing nothing" - it's one of the most important, rewarding jobs you can do. And it's fun (Well, sometimes!) Relax and enjoy introducing your little newbie to the four legged loves of your life - she'll be spending LOTS of time with them!
Click to expand...
It may be important from the point of view of the baby and the selfish gene. But believe me, men do not sacrifice their lives, ambitions and careers to a new baby. My kids (now middle aged) repeatedly tell me how glad they were and still are that I was a stay at home mum. But I wasnt. It was horrible.
And it wouldnt happen now. Both my girls have worked throughout motherhood.
 
Skib said:
It may be important from the point of view of the baby and the selfish gene. But believe me, men do not sacrifice their lives, ambitions and careers to a new baby. My kids (now middle aged) repeatedly tell me how glad they were and still are that I was a stay at home mum. But I wasnt. It was horrible.
And it wouldnt happen now. Both my girls have worked throughout motherhood.
Click to expand...
Have to say, I loved it! I got my teaching qualification, taught for 2 years - it was just okay, not a vocation at all. It wasn't a sacrifice for me, but I know it is for some. I suppose I was lucky - it was a choice I was fortunate enough to have. Once the children hit school age, I flitted from one part time job to another. Funnily enough, my favourite was in a factory - 4 hours a night, money in the bank and my brain got a nice rest. My daughter, however, is not cut out for stay at home parenting. I am in awe of her - on her own, 2 children, worked from the get go, and now just finished her first year of her nursing course.
 
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Can't offer any advice as I never did get the hang of being a full time mum. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved being at home with all of them and didn't want to go back to work at all, but I had ridiculous fears and worries, like that we were heading for a nuclear war etc, feelings that were rationalised again once I returned to work. Odd how motherhood affects people differently.

I remember going to my first mother and toddler group and the other mums were discussing the best way to clean the kickboards underneath their kitchen cupboards. I hadn't even realised you were supposed to clean them up until that point (and I can't say I've done it many times since ? ) There's no wonder I nearly went mad!
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: diplomaticandtactful, eventerbabe and Trewsers
@Bodshi id be the same! Everyone always says how relaxed our little one is. But we are relaxed with her. She gets bundled into her rain suit and out to the stables daily. We make the obvious allowances and changes but she does fit in with our lives and activities. I'm happy to leave her with family, I don't worry if she's screaming as it's always one of three things. I just have to find out which! In one of my classes, the women worry so much. And there's me worrying about something horse related! They were horrified at 3 weeks post section my mucking out or even going near a horse!

I struggled on maternity leave last time. It was the lack of my familiar routine. I think once we are into a way of working with baby I'll settle more.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Huggy, Sparky Lily and Bodshi
Congratulations on the birth of your little girl.

I think being mother is the hardest job in the world. It is tough to go from having a busy career to being home alone all day with a baby.With my first son I kept myself very busy. We were always doing something as I couldn’t (and still can’t) bare to be sitting around at home with no focus. We used to walk for miles and miles, go to baby groups, meet my husband for lunch etc. I remember my NCT group being an amazing support.

Babies are abit like horses. Everyone has an opinion on the ‘best’ way to do things. In my experience you just have to find what suits you. In hindsight it is true when you look back and say how quickly the time goes, but when you are in the middle of endless days and smelly nappies, it doesn’t always seem like that.
 
That's it. It's going from a million miles an hour in a familiar situation to a crashing halt in an unfamiliar situation. The one positive of covid is hubby is working from home and even when non essential offices go back, he's been given the go ahead to work at home 80% of the time. So he's in his office should I need him. It's been great as its allowed me to pop baby in her cot (office and nursery are adjacent) and head out for horse time.

I find baby groups hard having lost a baby. I can't be doing with the moaning and complaining, in my head I'm screaming be grateful your baby is here!! I'm very open in saying I'm a mum of two and my first baby died. But then you get the awkward responses from those that ask how many children you have or is this your first. Kind of puts a dampener on things
 
eventerbabe said:
I find baby groups hard having lost a baby. I can't be doing with the moaning and complaining, in my head I'm screaming be grateful your baby is here!! I'm very open in saying I'm a mum of two and my first baby died. But then you get the awkward responses from those that ask how many children you have or is this your first. Kind of puts a dampener on things
Click to expand...
That must be difficult. Id not really though of it like that. Id be one that would ask the wrong questions for sure. I always manage to put my foot in it.
 
@chunky monkey i honestly prefer if folk ask. But when I mention my son, they clam up. I'd far rather they ask if his little sister looks like him, or how they compared birth weight etc. Anything but deathly silence! I do understand it's hard, other bereaved parents might not be in the same place I am. I've had a wonderful counsellor supporting me and I've learned to process my thoughts and feelings. I carried him for 41 weeks 2 days. He was absolutely perfect. His heart just gave out (on top of a plethora of mistakes my hospital has since admitted).
 
eventerbabe said:
@chunky monkey i honestly prefer if folk ask. But when I mention my son, they clam up. I'd far rather they ask if his little sister looks like him, or how they compared birth weight etc. Anything but deathly silence! I do understand it's hard, other bereaved parents might not be in the same place I am. I've had a wonderful counsellor supporting me and I've learned to process my thoughts and feelings. I carried him for 41 weeks 2 days. He was absolutely perfect. His heart just gave out (on top of a plethora of mistakes my hospital has since admitted).
Click to expand...

I can't find the right words xxxx
 
newrider.com
Top Bottom
Back