Sigh... rubbish hack today

[ladywiththebaby]

If you don't know, I got my first (loan) horse about 5 weeks ago. I've only ridden her a handful of times, maybe 5, since then as we had our tack stolen 2 weeks after I got her :stomp: I have been doing groundwork though and have had an IH RA out twice.

The first ride was a joggy, headshaking disaster and I hated every minute. Only walk and trot. Subsequent rides have been marginally better each time - but not the nice relaxed calm horse I tried out. The headshaking is much improved - probably because I am less tense and so am not worrying her so much. But she still is too forward going, particularly on the way back. Trot just gets faster and faster and stronger. Although I cantered her when I tried her out, I just can't see myself ever being brave enough to canter her again.

The last ride she was really good. It was on the roads (were I tend to feel ok). But today was horrible. It was all off road which can make me nervy but I kind of need to get on with it as 90% of our hacking is off road.

About a third of the way round, and on a straight bit (so not a junction or anything) she started napping. I always ride with company and the other horse was in front but Hetty decided that now was a good time to go home. She kept doing a little spin / mini rear that really unnerved me. I think she did about 3 before deciding to walk on.

There were some big tractors spraying in the adjacent field which I think was bothering them (even though she's supposed to be fine with all that) so we decided to go a different way, but when we got down the track we saw the bridge was looking a bit dodgy. I got off to have a closer look and we decided it wasn't horseworthy. So I had to try and get back on. Cue lots of pratting around. Now one of this horses good points when I tried her was how good she was to hop on and off of - and I saw that for myself when I tried her. Eventually got back on but she was a joggy mess and I hated it. Eventually she calmed down a bit.

Then as we were fairly near home we saw 2 horses in the distance. Well Hetty went mental. She felt like she was going to try bucking,rearing, bolting or possibly all three. She just didn't know what to do with herslef and couldn't keep her feet still. I couldn't take it any more and got off. Even once I was off she was still dancing around.

Sigh.....I just feel rubbish. I've already had one loan horse that I sent back because it made me nervous as it was really strong and bucked me off. I knew this horse was no dope on a rope but NOTHING else had come up since March and it was a Pony Club horse for a 12 year old so I told myself I'd be ok.

I really hope given time things will get better but I just feel like its one step forward and 2 back. Confidence is such a precious thing and mine is being eroded. I realised with a shock that I have turned into the sort of rider who just wants to walk everywhere. A year ago I would have thought that soooo boring! Am so frustrated. Sorry for the negative post, just feel like I need to let off steam :redface:

 

[Bodshi]

It sounds to me as though you're just pushing yourself to do too much too quickly before you've had time to get to know Hetty and her you. Do you have an arena you could ride in for a bit? I know it's boring but it would give you a bit of 'quiet time' together where you could just concentrate on finding out what makes Hetty tick. Alternatively why not just stick to the roads until you're more confident? Like you say confidence is a very fragile thing and you need to nurture it! You've got the perfect reason with winter coming up and all the off-road tracks getting really muddy - why not stick to the nice clean roads and give yourself until next spring before re-assessing the situation? Hetty is probably still unsettled from the move too, so it will give her time to think and settle with you.

Good luck - hope everything gets better for you, I'm sure it will

 

[fth]

hi lady with baby

what a tough place to be

the thing to realise is that Hetty, your horse IS the type of horse a 12 year old can ride -- BUT

- she is in a new place, which she doesn't really know
- with a new rider who she doesn't really know
- and she is feeling your nerves which is leading her to feel unconfident

the mounting is her saying "I am not sure I WANT you on.." -- in other words you are not giving herr those lovely signals that a relaxed rider gives

and most 12 yr olds are totally unaware of worry or fear so this horse might never have had the chance to get used to it...

So the thing to hold onto is that as YOU get more confident -- Hetty will settle back into being the horse you tried.

so how do you build your confidence?

well have a htink -- and list out ten things that would give you confidce

eg -- Knowing and promising myself that I will get off as SOON as Hetty gets worried about anything
-- practicing stopping, turning and transitions in an arena until I don't have to think about it
-- using my groundwork to lead her out on a hack while walking next to the saddle, and getting on and off lots of times only when she is relaxed...
-- riding out only as far as she is comfortable...

as you know this is about you developing skills and knowledge so you "feel" more confident when on her and she will pick up on that vibe

On a more personal level, I ofund your comment that you are more relaxed on road vs off road interesting - a lot of people are the other way round? what is it about being on the road vs off road that helps you feel more confident?

for the next week, just do things you feel confident doing....then review...

good luck

Cathy

 

[laceyfreckle]

the above advice is all really good!

I too would say she is probably picking up on your nerves as well as needing more time to settle.

Don't ever underestimate how 'confident and forward thinking' a 12yr old can be lol. There are a lot of 12 yr olds horses I wouldn't ride! There's also the possibility that she is used to more exercise.

My horse for example is a RC type pony and needs to be worked at least 4 times a week to stay mainly sane.

Also...I'm another one that feels safer on roads then on open land (unless it's my field at home) but that'spartly because my pony is better behaved on roads then in fields lol.

Anyway goos luck, take baby steps and you AND Hettie will get there!

 

[Trewsers]

Do you HAVE to hack??? If not, I would go back into the school if you have access to one, and do lots of short positive sessions, both on the ground and ridden. Only then when you feel more confident and get to know each other would I venture out. I would definitely say from your post that you are putting yourself under pressure - there is no rush, remember, its meant to be fun! And, don't be putting yourself under pressure to do much more than walk on hacks, even if everybody else is busy cantering, only go with people who don't mind just walking until you feel better about it. Good luck vibes.

 

[ladywiththebaby]

Thank you thank you thank you - that's just what I needed to hear! My husband is totally anti horses and his advice is more of the "well this horse is clearly not for you, she's making you worse, I think you should call it quits before something really bad happens" school of thought - which really isn't helping!!

Your advice is really good. My drawbacks though are 1) I don't have an arena and I'm not even allowed to ride in a field as its too wet and 2) I just feel really bad constricting my friend that goes out with me to road hacks as I know she finds them really boring!! We both have 2 young children so can both only go out a couple of times a week and she has just taken on a new job so can often only go out once a week, and I feel bad I keep asking to stay on the roads. There are only us two at the field I keep her at.

Its weird - I think I'm often ok nerves wise, (for example walking and trotting on roads or just walking off road) until something starts to go wrong - like her getting joggy or worried. And then I fall apart. I don't know how to work on that? Coz I don't want to create situations where she'll get worried, just so I get used to dealing with them?!

Edited to add - fth I can't find anyone round here who does the EMDR thing that Flipos Mum recommended. I think I'll start a new post asking if anyone else does as it sounds really good.
fth - I feel more confident on the roads as she is fine in traffic (touchwood) and for me a big fear is being taken off with and I have it in my head that a horse is less likey to go galloping off when on the road!

And Laceyfreckle - don't worry I would rate all Pony Clubbing 12 year olds as a better rider than me! They've usually been on a horse all their life whereas I learnt to ride as an adult so have never had the carefree attitude of a child! I just try and make myself feel better by telling myself she's a child's pony!!

 

[laceyfreckle]

And Laceyfreckle - don't worry I would rate all Pony Clubbing 12 year olds as a better rider than me! They've usually been on a horse all their life whereas I learnt to ride as an adult so have never had the carefree attitude of a child! I just try and make myself feel better by telling myself she's a child's pony!!

lol, It's more that it simply never crosses their mind that anything could ever go wrong, and if it does then they tend to find it funny. Where as adults like you and me (especially if you've had kids) tend to think too much. :giggle:

My own daughter fell off my pony this weekend having had her first attempt at canter, I was mortified! The pony looked concerned too....actually the only one who wasn't concerned was my daughter, she was angry with herself but then asked to get back on and do trotting! She's 4.

How about walking her out in hand on your own? This is what I have done/do with Harvey ...I walk in hand and when I feel safe I get on and ride, I try to stay on but if there is a problem I get off and lead again....but we always finish the ride we start on. This also helped Harvey with things like cyclists (he hates them) by getting off and stopping one of them so Harv to look at it it improved his confidence, and mine. That way she'll be hacking on her own too so you won't be so limited.

PAX also helps for the short term as well, it disguises any nerves or hesitancy you might have.

 

[LindaAd]

Your advice is really good. My drawbacks though are 1) I don't have an arena and I'm not even allowed to ride in a field as its too wet and 2) I just feel really bad constricting my friend that goes out with me to road hacks as I know she finds them really boring!! We both have 2 young children so can both only go out a couple of times a week and she has just taken on a new job so can often only go out once a week, and I feel bad I keep asking to stay on the roads. There are only us two at the field I keep her at.

Its weird - I think I'm often ok nerves wise, (for example walking and trotting on roads or just walking off road) until something starts to go wrong - like her getting joggy or worried. And then I fall apart. I don't know how to work on that? Coz I don't want to create situations where she'll get worried, just so I get used to dealing with them?!

fth - I feel more confident on the roads as she is fine in traffic (touchwood) and for me a big fear is being taken off with and I have it in my head that a horse is less likey to go galloping off when on the road!

!

Hebe's much better on roads - bridle paths worry her because there are too many bushes, and hedges, and we all know what lives in those ...

Ladywiththebaby, could you go out by yourself if you're leading her? That would help her stop relying on the other horse for confidence and start relying on you instead.

As for the jogging, can you slow her down without holding the reins too tight - just make yourself heavy and still, and talk to her. Turning a circle if she jogs is helpful too - as long as she'll listen to you.

 

[ladywiththebaby]

Thanks guys. Although she used ot hack out by herself at her last home, I don't think she'll go out (even with me on foot) by herself here yet. I say this because I can barely get her from one end of our fields to the stable without her going mad at leaving her field mate behind.

The first time I rode her (before I realised this issue as they were both living out) I couldn't ride with her field mate as her owner was away so I rode out with another horse. Well she was awful! I could barely get on - even with someone holding her and she jogged the whole way round.

I just don't think she's ready to go out without Bella yet. Would me on foot and Bella being ridden be any good?

 

[laceyfreckle]

Would me on foot and Bella being ridden be any good?

Yes, that would work if you wanted to do that before venturing out alone. Will say though Harvey was like that when I first got him which meant everything had to be done with a 11.2hh unbroken dartmoor in tow...I actually found that seperating them up to start with eg. one of them in a stable still in sight of the other for a hr or two then putting them back together and then later on taking him out for walks in hand on his own (only to the top of the drive to start with!) really helped. It meant he had to look at me as a leader rather then the other horse.

Some groundwork might help as well, even simple things such as backing up and moving other etc.

It sounds like she is a little confused and is looking for a leader. She has linked onto the other horse as she wants someone to follow/be a leader to her. All you've got to do to get her being back to the pony you viewed is to be that leader for her (sounds easy huh!). Stick with it. You both remind me a lot of where Harvey and I were to start with and there is no way on earth I'd part from him now.

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

I absolutely second the groundwork piece.

When I got Ziggy 6 months ago I hardly rode him at all for the first month. We did groundwork in the field (I have no arena either) and led him out along the local lanes and bridlepaths. Then we rode up to the little local arena I can hire for lessons and gradually hacked more and more. I stayed in walk for more than 2 months because he was so joggy and anxious.

The best thing I ever did was loads of groundwork. If things are going really wrong - for example, as yesterday on the way home from the Versatile Horse where he was practically jogging in circles - I can get off and lead him, and calm is restored to us both.

We still practise groundwork regularly.

 

[Flipo's Mum]

I've wanted to reply to this all day but was on my phone!
What fth says, and others is completely my experience aswell, you're not alone.
My horse was apparently one of those gentle giants who could hack alone, take care of his rider and just a dope on a rope.
Very true, as long as the rider is confident and competent. I didn't instill this in him and its taken a long time to build the trust. At first I was too scared to even lead him out the field alone - I spent time just walking him round the field at that point - backing him up, stopping, changing direction. Then I walked him out and watched his reaction to everything. This has helped me as now we've started the ridden work, its allowed me to feel out what he's like, get a sense of what he eyeballs, what he's not fussed about, what his spooks look like. I only walked out in a bridle, hard hat, steel toe cap boots and had my moments when I got three metres out the field and seriously considered turning back I was that scared.

I've seen a change in my horse over that time - he's now a dope when I walk him as he senses my confidence. In fact any situation I get scared in, I always walk him! I prefer to get on to go for a ride from the school which is a quarter mile away, the walk along helps calm me, feel out how Flipo is behaving that day and just helps me breathe! Someone told me that unless they're a really confident school master/mistress themself, their behaviour really holds up a mirror to ourselves. Flip would run away from me when I came to take him out for a walk as I was scared. Then we had our mounting problem where he would move away from me in circles as he was scared for me to get on (proven by someone else mounting with no issues) I too was scared of getting on so no wonder!

In the school he senses my lack of motivation and responds to it every time. You can't hide it from a horse but you can take steps to fool them (some will probably call it something else but thats how I think!!) Moving their feet is one. After some sound advice from on here I backed Flip up every time he stepped away when mounting and he realised very quickly I was boss and settled.

Pax, kalms, bachs rescue remedy all helps you feel calmer as well. You're in a tad different situation because you don't own the horse. I guess there's this sense of not being in a position to have to continue. You could just give it up I guess, but like you say there are no other horses available for loan and it does really sound like she's just insecure and looking for a mummy to protect her. You can do it, baby steps and you'll be surprised how quickly you progress, even on the limited time you have. (I changed my mounting method and after two days he got the message!)
Good luck, keep us updated.:smile:

ETA : Was looking back and found a thread I started to hear other people's points of view - thought it might be of interest http://www.newrider.com/forum/showthread.php?t=208193