Just a little update. Its been a very tough few weeks with the boys. Ive shed lots of tears this week, but they are still with me currently.
Chunky colicked again a fortnight ago. It was relatively mild and passed. But thats the second time in 5 months so it tells me his internal body isnt working as well. He looks cracking, well covered for a 28 year old but sadly his arthritis is really showing. He seems to have got lamer in the last month on his front leg. Then the other night he was walking down a slope in the field and im hearing a lot of clicking. He was better and less noise walking up hill. I still cant decide if its the front shoulder, his back or his back legs. But it was loud and with every step. The noise has eased the last couple of days. On Wednesday i nearly made the call. On Thursday morning he had a little trot up the field. Im out of bute tomorrow and i really dont know whether to ring up to get another box, plus he needs a foot trim as his feet have suddenly grown with all the spring grass. Or whether i make the call. My head and heart are at both ends of the spectrum right now. I also note that whilst hes eating grass hes not moving around as much. His demeanour has also dropped. I wondered if he might have a touch of lami but after his recent colic. Im not going to withdraw grass and give hay, as im suspecting he might have colicked on the hay i put out a fortnight ago. I restricted the grass then as both are well covered so substituted with hay. Something is telling me Chunky suddenly cant cope with hay. Plus i think when he colicked back in Jan, granted it was frosty but he had hay then, so im suspecting hay might be a link to his colic. Hes also a horse that doesnt drink much. But i do feed him soaked feeds, as wet as he will tolerate. I just think the way hes been acting, almost looking shutdown at times, hes not happy now.
Then theres Billy. Hes not going to ever come sound. In fact i think his hock has got noticeably worse in the last 6 months. Hes very obese right now. Which doesnt help at all. Without Chunky he will simply charge about to start with and i think will just make the hock even worse. So better to let him go with Chunky than have to let him stress and me have to call it a month later.
If he tries to trot his hock locks up and he pulls up clearly in almighty pain. But he can canter when it suits him and his back feet can still get above my head as hes demonstrated lots recently in my direction. Hes one happy horse, calling out to me every day currently when i go out to see them. Why hes so vocal i dont know. If anything boredom is playing a part as hes not even been out for an inhand walk recently. Ive been loathed to take him away from Chunky. When i have tried to walk him out hes been hard to handle, dangerous. I feel im risking myself harm. He was fine when i did walk him everyday but my heart has just not been in it to separate him from Chunky and risk harm to myself.
I really would like to keep him as a companion to a new horse but as my farrier said hes of an age now at 14 where the hock is going to get steadily more arthritic and soon requiring pain meds Some of the changes in the hock in the last 6 months are possibly being caused by him not doing enough in hand walking to support the injury but i cant be certain of this, but even when he was in work as the vet originally advised he went from minor lame to this horse is too lame to be ridden in the space of 2 years. Hes now been retired from riding nearly 3 years.
So thats where we are today. I feel that i must put down my thoughts for those that follow my journey. In case you wonder why im going to let both go. It sounds like im just being harsh but reality is that i have two lame horses. It was never meant to be this way. After all i bought Billy to bring on to be my replacement riding horse so i could slowly retire Chunky. Billy could have had many more years riding ahead with me if he hadnt got injured but life puts curve balls in the way.
Im so upset by all this currently and i even find myself getting cross at Billy when he only wants to come and get treats. He just pushes the boundaries and over steps his mark and i find myself pushing him away.
I dont mean it with him but he gets in my face and Chunky misses out. Much of it i know is my grief for Chunky. My grief for Chunky started over a year ago when i saw that shoulder get worse. Ive said to many people he wont be with me much longer but some how weve got this far. But it really is counting down the days now and im struggling.