Confidence in pieces

[G33KKITTY]

hi guys im new here

bit of background
rode for 10 years as a kid. came of landing on my back on a trotting pole. lucky for me I had a body protector on nothing more than a few bruises and knock to confidence. Unfortunatly due to different circumstances I was unable to ride for over a month. meaning when I got back on.... It had all gone. I gave up riding for ten years ... biggest mistake ever..

I started riding again at the age of 20.. slow confidence but was on a lovely shire who looked after me and we happily did lessons jumping XC gallops and my confidence came back.

Left university been through a few shares for different reason never worked out. Past year I have been with youngsters who are not backed and worked on groundwork. Confident on the ground with the bolshy youngsters.

I rode about 6 months ago a friends eventer and unfortunately He bolted round the school scaring me and then went towards a fence and darted the other direction. I came off smashed my hat on a fence and my confidence was shot . I have recently started riding a friends ploddy safe Cob how ever I am in bits... I am nervous to canter. I cried at the thought. I have been slowly trotting walking and had a little canter on both reins the other day which I was happy with how ever I couldnt get the confidence to make him carry on through into the corners and carry on the circles. I was so scared he would get me off or dart in the other direction because hes been pushed on. I tried again and got him into the corners.

I rode him bareback last week and refused to get out of walk. how ever last night I did the same and we had a nice little trot.

My balance is horrific I was never good at bareback as a child and now 20 years on lets just say age has given me alot more bouncy bits!!!!..

I have to get my confidence back. I love riding and always have done. Its gotten to me so much over the past few months ive just thought im going to give up. then realised how much i regretted it as a kid.

Can any one give me any pointers? I cant afford lessons as I currently am working a 3 year old and a 5 year old before I ride and I only have use of the school late evenings.

Can any one give me any pointers? I want to work on my balance, my position, and most of all my confidence!!!!!!!

im distraught please help me

 

[orbvalley]

Hello & welcome to NR
Firstly I think you should be very proud of yourself for how far you've come already! Well done you!

You'll find lots of us on here will have been where you are at some point, it happens to us all eventually and is something that we either strive to ride through or take the alternative of giving up our passion. I think you're going to be one that gets through it

I've just bought a book recommended to me by my RI called "Centred Riding" by Sally Swift. its available 2nd hand on amazon for 1p The entire book is based on exercises to improve position , balance, and mind as well as a great understanding of your horses balance, centre of gravity and how he moves. Theres a whole lot about breathing techniques which will be very useful for your nerves. Its going to take a lot of effort on my part to put her theory into action but I believe the results will be worth all the training.

Otherwise I would carry on as you are already doing, take small steps and only move up when you feel ready to try the next one. Dont force yourself to ove on if you don't feel comfortable in what you're already doing. Your balance will improve once you're able to relax and your confidence will improve along with it.

 

[G33KKITTY]

I cant find this can you send me the link?

The babies are ready to be broken and will be broken professionally And last thing I want is when They are in proper work for me to get on them and freak out.

I want to be happy confident and not be scared of riding!

 

[GaryB]

Try this.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/009186495X/ref=dp_olp_used_mbc?ie=UTF8&condition=used

 

[G33KKITTY]

thankyou. does any one have any advice to help me? or to practise my bareback techniqures etc

 

[orbvalley]

Thats it, thanks @GaryB . I am almost sure the "centred riding 2" is much the same as my RI has the 2nd one and although hers is in French the information and advice is at least for me not worth the difference in price. However if you have a look at the 2nd book you can "look inside" , there is quite a lot available to read and you can get an idea of whether or not it interests you.

As for your two youngsters I agree, don't get on until you're feeling relaxed otherwise you could end up in a real pickle with your confidence. Spoken with knowledge as mine is coming on 4, I've only had her since last September and already lost count of how many times I've ended up in a hedge on my own

 

[Kite_Rider]

No real advice from me except, baby steps, take your time, get really comfortable doing walk first, then trot and then once you feel ready go for the canter, if you feel worried take it back a step, you will get there but I don't think there is a quick fix to loss of confidence.
I know some folk are better being pushed or pushing themselves out of their comfort zone and maybe that will work for you but for me it's baby steps all the way.
One other thing to help your balance would be to do some off horse stuff like Pilates and core muscle work, there's loads of free stuff on the internet, just make sure your doing it right and keep at it.

 

[G33KKITTY]

well the 3 year old is not broken. her own has sat on her once with tack and literally that was it last year. she is doing alot of lunging work atm with myself( challenge in its self!!!!) her favourite game ATM is when asked to walk on the left rein to rear up , spin onto her right rein and do buckaroos and canter with her head between her legs snorting . when she eventually slows to a walk and you go near her to turn her back round she pushes you over and will do everything she can to stay on her right rein!!!

 

[G33KKITTY]

im in no rush at all . I just want my confidence back seen as I get invited out to ride friends horses and im so scared I refuse to go out!

 

[Skib]

There are many puzzles in your post and your problems. If you are able to trot bareback your balance must be quite good.
If you are working youngsters on the ground, you must have some expertise and competence there too.
However, it doesnt sound if you have such skills in selecting which horses to ride.
Your advanced skills in some areas of horsemanship may conceal the lack of a good simple foundation.
It is a bit of a myth I feel that horse's look after you - a rider has to take charge of any horse they ride and to do that you need to be well taught. You cant play an instrument nor learn a foreign language without starting at the beginning and being well taught.

When you mention lessons you talk at once about jumping cross country and galloping. As if you are in search of spectacular proofs of your status as a rider? You are taking risks so it is hardly surprising you are nervous.

Pay for tuition. Get some good lunge lessons - put yourself in control. There are several people on NR like myself who learned to ride as adults or in later life. We have never galloped nor ridden cross country but we have had slow patient tuition on well selected horses and getting the foundations right.

My OH never sat on a horse till he was 68. He couldnt trot bare back as you do but he canters happilly in the school on his (by horse standards) equally aged favourite. A horse that is listening to you and is tractable in halt, walk and trot will be ready to follow your instructions in canter. But you need to create that level of communication in the horses. And with each horse it may take time.
It is pointless to believe that confidence is all one needs. Fear is a life preserving instinct. If you are over horsed, riding bareback on youngsters, your feeling nervous sounds to be the right reaction.
And why ride babies at all?

 

[horseandgoatmom]

bit of background
rode for 10 years as a kid. came of landing on my back on a trotting pole. lucky for me I had a body protector on nothing more than a few bruises and knock to confidence. Unfortunatly due to different circumstances I was unable to ride for over a month. meaning when I got back on.... It had all gone. I gave up riding for ten years ... biggest mistake ever..

HELLO and WELCOME!!

I know all about that.
I took a fall bumps and bruises Max took off and went home so I did not get right back on.
Due to weather it was a few days and I ended up loosing my nerve and did not ride for 5 years.

Its a shame you cant save up and get a few lessons.
For me I took lessons and still had big confidence Issue with Max so my husband was great.
He lead me like a pony ride. and would move away ( but not too far) and we went from there.

Confidence is really easy to loose quickly and slow coming back.

 

[G33KKITTY]

HELLO and WELCOME!!

I know all about that.
I took a fall bumps and bruises Max took off and went home so I did not get right back on.
Due to weather it was a few days and I ended up loosing my nerve and did not ride for 5 years.

Its a shame you cant save up and get a few lessons.
For me I took lessons and still had big confidence Issue with Max so my husband was great.
He lead me like a pony ride. and would move away ( but not too far) and we went from there.

Confidence is really easy to loose quickly and slow coming back.

I know its terrible aint it !I only ride for fun and it used to be so easy just to jump on and have fun now its all the what ifs !!

 

[G33KKITTY]

There are many puzzles in your post and your problems. If you are able to trot bareback your balance must be quite good.
If you are working youngsters on the ground, you must have some expertise and competence there too.
However, it doesnt sound if you have such skills in selecting which horses to ride.
Your advanced skills in some areas of horsemanship may conceal the lack of a good simple foundation.
It is a bit of a myth I feel that horse's look after you - a rider has to take charge of any horse they ride and to do that you need to be well taught. You cant play an instrument nor learn a foreign language without starting at the beginning and being well taught.

When you mention lessons you talk at once about jumping cross country and galloping. As if you are in search of spectacular proofs of your status as a rider? You are taking risks so it is hardly surprising you are nervous.

Pay for tuition. Get some good lunge lessons - put yourself in control. There are several people on NR like myself who learned to ride as adults or in later life. We have never galloped nor ridden cross country but we have had slow patient tuition on well selected horses and getting the foundations right.

My OH never sat on a horse till he was 68. He couldnt trot bare back as you do but he canters happilly in the school on his (by horse standards) equally aged favourite. A horse that is listening to you and is tractable in halt, walk and trot will be ready to follow your instructions in canter. But you need to create that level of communication in the horses. And with each horse it may take time.
It is pointless to believe that confidence is all one needs. Fear is a life preserving instinct. If you are over horsed, riding bareback on youngsters, your feeling nervous sounds to be the right reaction.
And why ride babies at all?

hi thankyou for your response I understand I do not make sense It kind of all blerted out!

I am not bothered in proving who I am as a rider. I only pointed out how carefree and relaxed it used to be to be. I had my fair share of falls but meerly brushed them off and carried on.

I am not riding bareback on youngsters.I am questioning bareback on a older safe cob in order to increase my balance from the horses movement. The youngsters I refer too are currently unbacked because of there age how ever I want to be confident when it is there time.

 

[joellie]

Hi and welcome, you already have lots of great advice from all of the above, I would just like to add, I have been in a situation where 3 years ago a newly bought young mare i had bolted off with me towards a building and bronced till i came off and smashed up against a window, my hand went through the glass and i had to get stitches, i also had bruised ribs etc.. i brought the mare back to the breeders and now have a cheeky but lovable gelding. I took everything slowly and at my own pace, i told myself i had nothing to prove to anybody and i had all the time in the world. I have discovered i am now a happy hacker lol we hack out on our own and at the start we only did a few hundred metres up and down a short stretch of road now we will hack anywhere between 5 and 7 miles So take your time and don't feel pressured to do anything you feel your not ready to do and you will soon start to relax and enjoy it again

 

[horseandgoatmom]

I know its terrible aint it !I only ride for fun and it used to be so easy just to jump on and have fun now its all the what ifs !!

It is terrible and as you get older you realize you don't "bend and bounce" like you used to.

I never feel shame at getting off if I feel its the safe thing to do.

Yes like Joellie said do not feel pressure - take your time.

i brought the mare back to the breeders and now have a cheeky but lovable gelding.


Andi will always be a much bigger confidence issue for me than Sonny.

In the big picture I do like that Sonny comes to the Plate the same every day!!
As I get older I am much less interested in the challenge and want quiet and fun.

Andi gets Pms really bad and I am just thankful I was past all that before I ever got her
Both of us with PMS--- WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ****************A PRETTY SIGHT**************

 

[G33KKITTY]

Thankyou all so much for your advice.

the cob I currently occasionally ride ( the safe one!)I rode for 15 minutes as I felt a massive accomplishment from cantering on both reins. How ever I rode for 25 min last night just in walk and trot as I was bareback and felt a massive accomplisment and I choose to finish when I feel it is time. Always on a good note.

same when I am schooling the youngsters. We may be in the school for 30 minutes until we get a nice lap of walk on each rein including standing when asked. And other days I may get a couple of nice laps of walk and stand on either reain after 10 minutes stop!.

i belive you should always end on a positive note whether it be for you or the horse.

 

[Lissie]

Hi, I'm quite new here too

I would second the advice you've had above. I would really recommend you get some lessons even if you save up just to have a couple, I think it would really help your confidence. Even if you had a good experienced friend with you while you're riding to give encouragement, and give you exercises to do. I always seem to feel more confident when I've got people with me.

I second what joellie says go at your own pace don't put pressure on yourself. I lost my confidence jumping due to having a new horse I wasn't used to and not doing it enough. I turned from a very confident jumper to someone who froze when there was a filler under a jump. I felt like I was letting the horse down and myself. I had a few lessons which really helped and took a step back what did it matter if I was jumping 2ft courses! And slowly I've got better until it has become more the norm again. Also I think it is partly a mind over matter thing the more I thought/told people I'd lost my confidence the more nervous I felt, I tried to change the way I was thinking. "Oh well I'll have a go" Etc and this made a massive difference. If I'd had a good day and felt happy, positive and confident it's amazing how different I rode.

Confidence takes a long time to build and a split second to lose. You have to keep going and just do it! The more you do the easier it gets so just keep getting on and riding

 

[joellie]

Confidence takes a long time to build and a split second to lose

That is painfully so true

 

[Jessey]

Welcome

First regarding canter, I would agree, absolutely do not pressure yourself at all, just do what you are comfortable with and one day everything will just feel right for you to canter that full lap or whatever and off you go, who cares if it takes another year. When everything feels right it will go right

Re bareback, I would just keep ticking along with it, do what you are comfortable with and enjoy it A few years ago, being a bit lazy I rode bareback for almost an entire winter, even though I'd been riding for almost 30 years the first few sessions felt very wobbly, but gradually it improved my seat, by the end of the winter I was able to do a full schooling session bareback without thinking twice about any of it, so definitely worth persevering with

My last comment is re the babies, and I'm not meaning to be mean, but a baby needs calm confidence, particularly ones as you describe who are exuberant and the wrong combination could knock your confidence further or theirs which is of equal importance, I think you would be making a mistake to try and get on either of the babies any time soon, or probably even within the next year or two as in the first 2-3 years of riding most horses will at some point test their boundaries and if you are not confident enough to set that boundary its a recipe for disaster for both of you. I'm sure over the time you have spent working with them on the ground you have built a wonderful relationship but you need to be so careful with babies, From someone who had a silly little fall while being led around during backing of a 6 year old in November and managed to damage my core muscles and SI in my pelvis and was off my feet and worse off horses for a couple of months

 

[G33KKITTY]

Welcome

I think you would be making a mistake to try and get on either of the babies any time soon, or probably even within the next year or two as in the first 2-3 years of riding most horses will at some point test their boundaries and if you are not confident enough to set that boundary its a recipe for disaster for both of you.

I think your right. Well I know your right!

Re bareback, I would just keep ticking along with it, do what you are comfortable with and enjoy it A few years ago, being a bit lazy I rode bareback for almost an entire winter, even though I'd been riding for almost 30 years the first few sessions felt very wobbly, but gradually it improved my seat, by the end of the winter I was able to do a full schooling session bareback without thinking twice about any of it, so definitely worth persevering with

I rode bareback again last night and trotted half a circuit ( there was a scary tree that has been there forever that might have eaten him and involved a stop) and was very bouncy but He has a lovely mane to hold and I was comfortable turning him and directing him where he should go. Any tips on keeping my seat?