how life's ups and downs have affected your riding and your relationship with horses

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yph

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Aug 24, 2004
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pembrokeshire, wales
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I was wondering how you all get on with life vs horses. I dont know about anyone else but I have always really struggled with my confidence in many aspects and as soon as I get a knock in one place it affects my riding and how I feel about my riding etc. I guess this has been an accumulation of events over the years, as well as horsey accidents, so called horsey friends that put you down, leave you out, yard owners etc but also life events that we all have relationship breakdown, death of relatives or animals, moving etc.

I really envy the women out there that always seem to be able to put their riding first and ride come rain or shine, and do all the things that they want to do, just go for it.

And another one is feeling guilty for taking time out for myself - which again impacts on the riding. I love my horse to bits but feel sorry for him half the time having me as a mum as im so up and down with all this stuff- and can only aspire to be the rider i want to be as sometimes it feels like I will never get there!

Dont think the winter does much for you anyway does it, not much time to ride which = more guilt!

anyway would love to hear how everyone else gets on with all this stuff xx
 
I can be quite an emotional person, I'm irratic too. I will be angry one minute and crying the next, you never know what you're going to get with me (even I don't know half the time). I don't know how Forest copes! He is fine with it all though, I can be standing stressing and worrying and he will casually eat his hay.

Today I was feeling a bit down and had finished changing his rugs so was watching him eat his haylage for a bit. He looked round at me, walked over and just looked at me. Then he started licking my hands (I had my arms folded). He just seemed to know I was upset.

My horse is my escape, what ever is happening outside the yard is outside the yard, while I'm there he is my priority. I need all my attention on him. The people on my yard are great, we all have a laugh while we're there and its a great way to relax for a bit and forget about whats happening in the rest of your life.

I know its not the same for everyone though. Bearing in mind my life is realtively stress free as I am single with no children. I am however, almost 18, at college, have family troubles etc. But Forest is great, hes my rock! :)
 
forestgump

you sound alot like me with your emotions! I am a bit older than you though but have no kids etc. I think that wat im lacking is a decent yard- my horse too would be my escapism etc but as im so unhappy where i am it affects eveything. you have helped me realise that im definately making the right decision my trying to move to a new place. My horse can be a bit aloof with me sometimes but I think he gets fed up wiht my inconsistency.

thanks for the reply x
 
No problem!;)

I've found that a yard where you are happy is the key to success. My boy has come on so much in such a short time since he has been there! :D
 
i wish i had more confidence, i was reading an old diary last night from when i was about 10 years old (a long time ago) and i had been cantering bareback and it was brilliant, if only i could get that feeling back,

i have been riding for donkeys years and i seem to be going backwards, no confidence (after a bad fall)

i would love to be that carefree confident rider i was , if only i could change
now i am just a big scardy cat, i love my horses and love my time handling ,brushing and feeding etc, but i am scared of falling off, it spoils everytime i ride . i worry about everything

i also envy people who can just ride and not let anything faze them,
 
yph said:
forestgump

you sound alot like me with your emotions! I am a bit older than you though but have no kids etc. I think that wat im lacking is a decent yard- my horse too would be my escapism etc but as im so unhappy where i am it affects eveything. you have helped me realise that im definately making the right decision my trying to move to a new place. My horse can be a bit aloof with me sometimes but I think he gets fed up wiht my inconsistency.

thanks for the reply x
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When coaching people for confidence & peak performance I will always assess the outer influences. Your environment, culture of the Yard and relationships with Intructors and Parents. Your environment is one of the biggest indicators of your health, emotional well being & success. You cannot help but be affected by it, and yet it is something you have a lot of control over if you 'choose' to create an environment which supports your you...:):D
 
thanks confidence coach for confirming to me that the external factors do influence. I have spent so many years always blaming myself for not being stronger, able to cope etc etc - and Im finally starting to realise that it is the external things that have made me this way- ok i know im not good with bullys and im not good with control- but all of the other factors are having a massive impact on my life.

thanks again
 
through over 20 years of riding ive had my blips in confidence I think everyone does although some more than others.. I lost confidence when I fell off a pony jumping or not jumping as the case maybee!! and managed to snap my arm.. I got back on my horse a month after the accident against medical advice another blip happen'd when I was working as a working pupil for my stages was asked to get on a horse x~country as she had been stopping with a kid the horse jumped fine for me but after jumping she stumbled and fell over with me then trod on my arm!! that probably affected me worse that breaking my arm badley as although I was only badley brused, it was so out of the blue it could of happened to the best of us!! anyway after that I was quite frightened x~country and finished my stages as a paying student at wellington where they helped me through my confidence issues.. Not that long ago I had a another blip I had an grade B ISH that I had to BSJA but as he was so carefull I never progressed with him as I would have hoped, if you where 1/2 a stride out he would slam on the brakes and send me flying!! I was loseing confidence in him and that was the problem he could sence it and we where working against each other so I made the heartbraking desition of selling him and finding myself something more suitable that would help me progress.. I now have a young horse when I tryed her I watched her jump a 1.20 course before jumping a 1.10 course on her and i'm smitten and although there will be teething problems I feel happier on her than I have on any other horse!! oh god essay again!! :rolleyes: anyway your get there don't give up!! make yourself "realistic" goals to work towards, get yourself a good trainer, I find one that gives you a kick up the arse when needed helps and the support of my wonderfull family :D
 
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Hi, I'm new to riding and to this forum but I can really sympathise with how you feel. I'm a very emotional person. These last two years I have had a baby and lost my brother and sat through a murder trial. I also have a teenager who seems bent on sending me round the twist! I ride only every two weeks now (also stressed by financial circumstances), but I look forward to it as time to myself, quality time with my middle daughter (who rides with me) and a way of trying to rebuild my confidence. I think you should look at your riding as a reward for all the hard work you do as a wife and mother, you deserve it. Its time you can switch off from the stresses of life and concentrate on you and your horse. On Saturday just before I set off for my lesson, my teenager had a major tantrum over something and was throwing stuff around her room! Once I was on the horse I forgot all about it! Its great therapy and beats valium!! (believe me - been there!) Try not to feel guilty, I know its hard and I think guilt goes with the territory of being a mother! You DESERVE to have this time out. Enjoy it and smile.

Take care

Emma :)
 
I can go from being desperate to compete and show off my boys talents to convinced that I will fail so what is the point.

Tyler puts up with my mood swings (well confidence swings) as he is sooo laid back and fortunately it rubs off on me.

I rely on Tyler quite alot but at the same time I realise he is a horse and wants to do horsey things, not have me hanging round his neck going on about lifes woes lol.

Take each day at a time. Best advice I ever got :D
 
When I’m counselling people lack of self esteem and a sense of low self worth are so often at the bottom of the negative emotional state they find themselves in. Helping people to clarify their negative thoughts (often automatic) and enabling them to begin to challenge these, leads to reduced spiralling down emotionally. A negative thought will always precede a negative emotion, however fleeting, so capturing the thoughts, challenging them and replacing them with a positive can lead to an increased sense of self value and confidence. This applies to all areas of life including our riding and relationship with our horses.
It has certainly helped me and helps those i work with.
 
my me time IS horse time. I'm not one for needing quiet alone time. I always need to be busy so if i need a break i leg it to the yard to see the horses. Best thing i ever did that removed 90% of the stress from my life was getting off a livery yard and renting my own place. No b*tchy liveries, no YO's, no problem ;) before that life was hell and the yard sapped all the pleasure out of horse owning, not to mention having a detrimental effect on one of my horses health and the other horses mental well being. the other big turning point in my life was learning reiki. sceptics think what you want but it did wonders for my confidence and positive outlook :)
 
I suffer with depression and really struggle to leave the house sometimes so my horses sometimes suffer in that i can't be there to see to them (OH always goes and does the basics so not neglected but its not that same) but equally they are the reason i go to work every day and when i'm having a bad day it's seeing them that a look forward too
 
My ponies really do improve my life and therefore my family benefit.

They are my me time.

If I am feeling unhappy or plain old peed off I tend to stick to going chores around the field and spending time on the ground with the munchkins.

Being close to them soon calms me and has me realising how thankfull I am to have them.

If I rode then Joy would be stressy and bouncy. This would usually lead to me laughing at her being a numpty and getting on with relaxing her down and acheiving some quality work.

Trouble is that when i do feel unhappy I don't tend to want to ride even though typing now in the cold light of day I know that's what will fix me up.

In the early days with Joy this wouldn't of fixed me. Joy is very sensitive to my moods and I do have to ride her properly and ask for what I want. If I don't then she feels insecure and would take the pee. :rolleyes:

Now our relationship is a couple of years in we know each other well and me being able to dip into autopilot mode even on her stressy days is a real bonus :)
 
I’m another who finds peace and have ‘my’ time with being with my horses which in turn helps me get away from the world and any troubles I may have.
I do agree with the comment we have control over our own environments and try to reflect this in switching off to things that really shouldn’t affect me or have no importance in relation to the rest of what’s going on in my life. Best way to keep sane and happy, stay focused on what matters.
 
Spending time with Jack is sometimes all that keeps me sane. I am also single w/no children, but there are a lot of things other than an OH and kids that stress you out,lol. Parents, work, MONEY(especially with the economic meltdown here in the states AND abroad). There are days I go out to see him and he's so sweet and cuddly and licks my face and just wants to be close and it always makes me feel, idk, lighter.
There are also days when he is pushy and ****y and altogether irritating, but thankfully he normally doesn't do that on days I feel vulverable.lol.

Jack is my freedom.
 
yph said:
I
Dont think the winter does much for you anyway does it, not much time to ride which = more guilt!

anyway would love to hear how everyone else gets on with all this stuff xx
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You're not joking - the winter is awful for my riding:eek: I'm doing slightly better than last winter tho, as this time I do have access to a very small sand arena. I've found that my riding time with Storm has saved me lately tho - don't know what I'd have done without it - OH has been very poorly lately, and sometimes I've thought I'd better not ride (feeling guilty for enjoying myself etc) but once I've got on board, I've really enjoyed it and had to totally focus on it and its taken my mind off my troubles. :)
 
I used to ride alot when i was younger then i stopped for a while due to alot of family issues ect, and i really missed it! So when i started riding again i had to start back from square one again!:(
I really missed just being around the horses so now I make the most of it! For example last friday when i had my riding lesson i just love it when i finish and take the horse back to the stable and untack then i just love spending time with my favourite riding school pony!:)
xxxx
 
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