How would you feel if anything

newforest

Well-Known Member
Mar 15, 2008
31,420
16,557
113
You have a longtime male friend stay at yours with their horse. You make it known way before this that you want to set out at 8am. They make all the right noises but don't actually mention they don't want to get up early until the evening before.
Reason, they are tired by the end of the week. This annoyed me because I wish they had actually said. It meant a complete alteration in what we did due to lack of time.

Fast forward and I get woken up at 6am Sunday morning by them informing me they are on way to a competiton. I have fixed this by turning vibrate off!!!
I do now feel they couldn't be bothered to make the effort for me but they can if competing.
Would you feel miffed and that they are selfish? I can't even work why you would text someone that early, it almost feels as if they are making a point but I could be over thinking.
They probably haven't!!
I have included gender because my other friend says men are selfish and they just don't think about anyone else.

Side note I do find those who text at unsocial hours to be rude. You wouldn't actually call someone at 6am. The response was turn your phone off, not them for sending the text so darn early.

I think this friendship has seen it's day to be honest.
 
Well he wouldn't be staying at mine again & I wouldn't be making arrangements with him either. I wouldn't fall out over it but the friendship would cool off & I'd ask him not to text or call at that hour unless it's an emergency.
 
I have already had to do this. But they just ignore me.
Now my phone is having to go on vibrate. This though means I won't hear any emergencies from the yard.
 
That is vexing about being texted at that time. And also seems annoying because you've had to just use vibrate and as you say, emergencies from the yard may crop up. Hmmm. Wonder why he texted anyway?! I am no help really, I'd probably just make a point about being not impressed at being woken!
 
Why not just ask him not to text you that early again because he woke you up? I can't see the problem to be honest. He was honest with you by saying that he didn't want to get up early - perhaps he thought that you were always up early hence texting at 6am? It seems to be a big thing to end a friendship over to me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Frances144
I'm asuming these weren't consecutive days? I expect he has not even noticed the discrepancy and would not understand if you tried to explain it. Your description makes him sound very self centred. Shame.
 
I wonder if I can set it so that this particular number is silent?

Mp he only told me he didn't want to get up the day before. If I came to yours and you had said I would like to hack at 8am, would you be ok if I said no I'm not the day before?
 
I guess it depends on how much you value the friendship? If a friend came to stay and we had plans but in the end he/she said she was tired at the end of a long week and didn't really fancy it, I would understand. In fact that has happened a couple of times with a family who has stayed twice and both times has said they will parkrun with us but then don't get up in time so we miss it. If he/she never intended to get up in the first place I'd be less impressed. As for the texting - I think people use phones differently. I turn mine on mute just before going to bed. And always assumed everyone else did too! So I would text/FB anyone anything random at any time of the night!! Assuming they would pick it up in the morning. It never even occurred to me that people sometimes don't have landlines at all so the mobile stays on in case of emergencies.
 
At least he had the decency to tell you unlike my partner who occasionally will 'sleep through his alarm' when we have plans :mad:
 
I would be gutted more than angry, is 8am really that early even if you are tired? And if the other person had gone to the effort of having me over then I would drag myself up even if it was at 5am! So basically he couldn't be bothered but when it suited him, on the Sunday, then he was all for it.
 
On the one hand it didn't matter we did something else.
But since I have the beach on my door step they wanted to use it.
You need to be out of bed then :). The tide won't lay in.
 
I sometimes reply to messages early as I look at my phone before I go to the yard so about 6am I always thought they'd just see it when they looked at their phone and it'd be on silent.

@Ale I couldn't put up with that, every time I hear about your OH he sounds like a selfish, waste of time. Sorry!
 
I wonder if I can set it so that this particular number is silent?

Mp he only told me he didn't want to get up the day before. If I came to yours and you had said I would like to hack at 8am, would you be ok if I said no I'm not the day before?

Yes I would be fine with it, but I would then go and hack on my own anyway and leave them in the house alone. There is nothing worse than dragging someone else out of bed when you know they don't really want to be there but just because he didn't want to go that early, it doesn't mean that you can't either. If it has really bothered you (which it has), then you need to talk to him about it. If you don't, how do you expect him to know it has upset you?
 
You see if did that I would feel I was being rude.


It's interesting that some people assume phones will be off or on silent. I have told my friend not to send them so early, more than once. I have no house phone.
 
newrider.com