Please can you unscramble my thoughts?

HI everyone thanks for the comments. I've had a message this morning telling me the horse has sold so that means I was right and he's not the right one. I felt fine when she said he'd sold so I think that probably says quite a lot too.

In terms of taking someone, I do have a horse friend who I normally ask but I've started to feel bad asking her all the time as I feel like we have seen loads of wrong ones. It wasn't also hard as she was busy yesterday and I was basically told when I could come 3:30 yesterday and no other option because she had moved him there for a number of people to see.

Feel weirdly positive today (I know that's strange). Like I know he wasn't right but there will be one and I know it. And I felt like I was closer that time. He wasn't a nutter, he was a sensible horse and he was well schooled and good mannered but just not the one for me. Xx
 
I do wonder if you need to be more careful in your questions when you ring up about horses. It is difficult because people's definitions vary, but careful questions plus listening closely to the answers should give you a better idea about whether or not a horse is worth a visit. For instance I'd say Little Un was safe & fun, goes forward but has brakes. If you asked I'd say it takes very little leg to get him to go & almost none to keep him there. Now that should maybe make you wonder whether he would actually be too in front of the leg for you & ask how little leg & also how responsive the brakes are. By the way he's not for sale & I think he'd be totally unsuitable for you even if he was, but I'm sure you get the idea.
 
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I'm finding this really interesting as I didn't have the same reaction as everyone else from what you wrote Misty. I didn't think the horse sounded too bad. I think you seemed hung up on his breeding and I can sympathise, I thought all arabs were muppets until I was introduced to my mate's Arab and he was an amazing horse, totally bucked the trend I'd seen.

I remember being unnerved by my horse's speed at first and on rides when he'd seem to speed up. I had some early bad experiences with him and totally lost my nerve so was super aware of even the tiniest change in speed but over time I adjusted and got used to it.
I didn't get the 'wow this is the one for me' feeling when i bought my lad. A lot of folk would say I chose wrongly as I lost my confidence from a few falls off him and he was greener and took his confidence from his rider and I was expecting him to look after me when it needed to be the other way around.

I don't want to scare you out of this but you need to be prepared that even the sweetest horse is going to possibly test you and you need to step up and be the leader when that time comes a couple of months into ownership. I think a lot of folk go out looking for the perfect horse right now, not appreciating that you have to put some work in as well. Perfect partnerships are built not bought.
I know that sounds patronising and I'm really sorry, i don't mean it to honestly! I just feel passionately that even the best horse has off days and will test us and we have to allow for little things going wrong.
 
@Flipo's Mum I don't think the horse sounds at all bad, in fact I think he sounds like a very nice horse, but I don't think he's right for Misty based on what she said in this thread and others. We all have different needs & wants, best we buy horses to suit them if at all possible.
 
"I've turned so many people down recently as I don't think they have the one"

In what time frame is this? Sometimes the more you look the less you find.
What I would be adding from this experience and the others you have viewed, is what you don't want.

You don't want a Section D so you can read on. But ask about what breed they are. If they don't tell you.
Would you like a x?
You know the sort of height you feel comfortable with 15.2hh with some neck as you are tall in the body.

I can't recall why you turned down the Shire type cob? Was that too big?
 
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I do wonder if you need to be more careful in your questions when you ring up about horses. It is difficult because people's definitions vary, but careful questions plus listening closely to the answers should give you a better idea about whether or not a horse is worth a visit.
Absolutely - tho that can mean one doesnt try many horses
For instance I'd say Little Un was safe & fun, goes forward but has brakes. If you asked I'd say it takes very little leg to get him to go & almost none to keep him there. Now that should maybe make you wonder whether he would actually be too in front of the leg for you & ask how little leg & also how responsive the brakes are.

I think this is what I dont understand Carthorse. Because surely you must have taught him this? I learned from Rashid that you teach horses almost anything either deliberately or inadvertently. He teaches you to teach horses to alter gait just on a thought. I have taught the horses I ride to go forward with very little.
I dont know how one would do it the other way round, I mean teach horses to be less responsive. But it does seem to happen - they dont go forward as easy for other students as they go for me.
So if Misty showed a horse that forward was not her way of riding, wouldnt the horse then learn to respond to other cues? I was once at an RS where the instructor said students had to use one's leg every step for safety, and the horse learn to stop if no leg was applied. Logically one should be able to teach that behaviour?
 
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Absolutely - tho that can mean one doesnt try many horses


I think this is what I dont understand Carthorse. Because surely you must have taught him this? I learned from Rashid that you teach horses almost anything either deliberately or inadvertently. He teaches you to teach horses to alter gait just on a thought. I have taught the horses I ride to go forward with very little.
I dont know how one would do it the other way round, I mean teach horses to be less responsive. But it does seem to happen - they dont go forward as easy for other students as they go for me.
So if Misty showed a horse that forward was not her way of riding, wouldnt the horse then learn to respond to other cues? I was once at an RS where the instructor said students had to use one's leg every step for safety, and the horse learn to stop if no leg was applied. Logically one should be able to teach that behaviour?

But what's the point in wasting time & money trying unsuitable ones?

I think there is a degree of training, but also a it of it depends on how the horse naturally is. LU is a naturally busy boy, in his initial training brakes were harder to get than go whereas other horses are harder to get to go forward but stop very easily. You always have that natural mindset & while you could train him to not respond to a small aid I fear that in doing so you'd also make him less responsive on the brakes too, plus why on earth would you want to? If you like steady & not so responsive then it's far easier for both of you to get a horse that's naturally that way rather than set about retraining a horse. As for using leg every stride or the horse stops, well it may be safer but I can't imagine it being enjoyable for horse or rider & there are some horses that would never fall into her definition of safe.
 
I wouldn't have thought that the OP would want to retrain a horse as she's a self confessed nervous rider. In order to retrain nerves need to be steely. Also it would depend on the horses age, older horses are unlikely to fall into a different way of going easily.
Legs every stride - wow I'd have tired legs and my youngster would just stop listening to me!
 
Why would you buy a forward going horse with the intention to slow it down?
That suggests its not suitable for you.

A horse that responds to just a thought is not suitable for a nervous rider who will have various thoughts running through their head, oh crap being one!
I don't actually want mine that intune to be honest because it limits who can ride and handle her. I don't want an advanced schooled horse that only a select few will understand how to ride.
 
"I've turned so many people down recently as I don't think they have the one"

In what time frame is this? Sometimes the more you look the less you find.
What I would be adding from this experience and the others you have viewed, is what you don't want.

You don't want a Section D so you can read on. But ask about what breed they are. If they don't tell you.
Would you like a x?
You know the sort of height you feel comfortable with 15.2hh with some neck as you are tall in the body.

I can't recall why you turned down the Shire type cob? Was that too big?
I rang my friend who is an equine vet and she said she'd have concerns about her age and damage to her legs as she'd been used to pull carriages at a tourist resort. She said she'd expect at her age and build a lot of wear and tear on her legs and the fact she'd been out of work for over a year too concerned her a little. She had some positives too like she said for hacking she might be alright but I heeded her advice and decided it was perhaps not worth the risk. I know I could have had her vetted but I sort of thought it's more budget down the pan if I already suspect she would fail.

I've had a lot of response to a couple of posts on fb recently of people finding me horses or offering me to ride theirs while I look but feel that perhaps they're willing them to be ok. I had one lovely one with a 4yr old hw cob offering to pay for it schooling to how I wanted but I just think I could probably undo that with a 4yr old. To be fair I did jump on that post because it was the woman who nicked my ad. I thought 'right you b-553r, I'm getting in there first!' So possibly my fault too there.
 
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While we are on the subject, are there any other breeds I should be looking out for as likely unsuitable.

I tend to be looking mostly at (or crosses of)
Highlands
Dales
Fells
Gypsy cob types

I'm actively avoiding:
Welshies
Thoroughbreds
Warm bloods of any description
Connies (don't shoot me I just find them a bit too sporty and forward for what I'm comfortable with).
 
Fells aren't likely to be big enough to meet your criteria. I do wonder if you'll find Highlands & some gypsy cob types too short in the neck for your liking, you're tall in the torso so may find you feel like you tower above them. I wouldn't get too hung on breed if I'm honest (though by all means avoid ones you don't get on with) - read ads carefully to see if they sound right & look at photos with an eye to whether the conformation is the type you feel right on.
 
@Flipo's Mum I don't think the horse sounds at all bad, in fact I think he sounds like a very nice horse, but I don't think he's right for Misty based on what she said in this thread and others. We all have different needs & wants, best we buy horses to suit them if at all possible.
Yep which is why I'm more focused on the fact that I think misty has work to do herself. That she might see the perfect horse and not be too keen on it because of her past experiences. It sucks and I'm not at all trying to say she's at fault but just be willing to consider that she won't find perfect and be prepared to compromise a wee bit. Not everyone is going to find a 'ben'
 
Yep which is why I'm more focused on the fact that I think misty has work to do herself. That she might see the perfect horse and not be too keen on it because of her past experiences. It sucks and I'm not at all trying to say she's at fault but just be willing to consider that she won't find perfect and be prepared to compromise a wee bit. Not everyone is going to find a 'ben'

Oh I agree with you, and I think it's rare that anyone finds exactly what they want but a close match can often become ideal with time. However I think it's important to know what you're prepared to compromise on, particularly if you're nervous or lack self-confidence. For someone like Misty if they can't find the "perfect" horse but are desperate to buy quickly I'd advise them to underhorse themselves & then sell on in a year or so if they feel they want to do more rather than go for something they feel may be a bit too much and hope they can cope. Quiet, safe horses are always in demand even if they don't perform as anything other than a hack - look how hard its been for Misty to find one!
 
I think the ISH and their crosses often produce lovely level headed horses, and Quarter horses are renowned for their level heads, but in every breed you get the few that go against the grain.
2 of my friends wanting quiet plods started by saying no TBs, one was a nervy novice and the other a more experienced but busy mum of 3 who's also doing a degree, the first brought a lovely 9 yo ottb and the latter an unraced 5yo who's just delightful and even the kids ride her, so some can Buck the trend :)
Do ask lots of questions, write yourself a list of things to ask so you don't miss anything :)
 
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I'm another who wouldn't rule out on breed - welshies are not all bad - stubborn sometimes, but I'm not sure they are silly. Haflingers are similar.

Highlands seem in my experience to be the most consistently sensible. But they come with price tags to boot because of this.

I can't remember what was in your ad, but I would be looking for school masters, confidence giver type phrases over suitable for novices as this means anything to anyone!
 
I don't want a perfect horse because I wouldn't have anything to learn from them. Something that nudges your skills every now and then is fine. Note I said every now and then. :)

But it's frustrating I magine for the op to be contacted by people with such unsuitable horses. Why would you think a 4 year old is ideal for a nervous rider!
When I was looking I had a long email off a lady who then said at the bottom ' not sure if I really want to loan though' :confused:
 
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I also had a homebred chestnut warmblood that someone messaged about. They sounded lovely but really not convinced about a warmblood. I once loaned a trakherner. Lovely owner but horse really unnerved me and I think I did the same to him. If riding past anything colourful he would suddenly jump sideways - even when on the road (yellow signs were a particular challenge). The person who messaged said her horse reminded her of 'the one in the picture' which was my loan trakherner. Made me think I should change my picture to a ploddy cob haha. Xx
 
Warmbloods are a type that include a lot of breeds & different temperaments, just like cob can cover a wide range of horses.
 
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