When I said that I had bad luck....

Thank you everyone. I do appreciate the advice and I know I am a bit down on the situation right now. I've sat and had a think about what it is and really it boils down to these things:
1. I feel a bit alone in it all - I don't know many horsey people outside of the forum etc and so looking is difficult (and viewing will be more so). Mainly because...
2. I don't really trust adverts anymore but worse than that I don't really trust myself to make a good decision (let's face it, I haven't really so far).

I was kind of using my lessons as a confidence boost in terms of my riding but as well in what I should be looking for, discussing adverts and horses etc too. So I feel a bit lost in a big sea again with it all.

I know I want to do this and I know I will find the right horse and everything but I just worry what I'll have to go through to get there - will I frighten myself again? Will I end up trusting someone and then finding out they've done me over? It's such a big decision and I know it's right. If the last few years have taught me anything it's just to live your life and do what matters. It's just a bit of a shame that my nervous disposition and 'bad luck' (whether perceived or actual) gets in the way a lot.

Thanks again for all of the support. I'll definitely look into NLP.
Xx
 
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To find some horsey friends get involved with your nearest pony club or riding club. They appreciate helpers for the shows, stewards etc.
Once I got involved with marking a hunter trial. It's a fun day out and you get to meet people.
Before I bought I put an advert up to help with chores and / or exercise. Offering to help without the riding people might take your hand off. I had three I helped and one I rode for. I mentioned it was until I found my own horse.
That's how I found her. :)
 
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misty said:
Thank you everyone. I do appreciate the advice and I know I am a bit down on the situation right now. I've sat and had a think about what it is and really it boils down to these things:
1. I feel a bit alone in it all - I don't know many horsey people outside of the forum etc and so looking is difficult (and viewing will be more so). Mainly because...
2. I don't really trust adverts anymore but worse than that I don't really trust myself to make a good decision (let's face it, I haven't really so far).

I was kind of using my lessons as a confidence boost in terms of my riding but as well in what I should be looking for, discussing adverts and horses etc too. So I feel a bit lost in a big sea again with it all.

I know I want to do this and I know I will find the right horse and everything but I just worry what I'll have to go through to get there - will I frighten myself again? Will I end up trusting someone and then finding out they've done me over? It's such a big decision and I know it's right. If the last few years have taught me anything it's just to live your life and do what matters. It's just a bit of a shame that my nervous disposition and 'bad luck' (whether perceived or actual) gets in the way a lot.

Thanks again for all of the support. I'll definitely look into NLP.
Xx
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This probably won't help you at all but I'll share anyway!lol even after over thirteen years of horse ownership a part of me is still dreading finding another one to ride. It's a real worry of mine, despite having lived and breathed them as I've kept them at home for a huge chunk of that time and gained a lot of hands on experience. I do have horsey friends though and luckily for me since moving house have made even more - and I do trust their opinions. But, I still have doubts - and I still worry. Because for me it won't be a case of if the wrong horse comes my way I will be able to sell on, I get attached pretty fast and will have to exhaust all avenues before doing something like that. I often wish I could be like I was first time around: when we bought J I just plunged right in there and trusted someone at face value. I got bitten but stuck it out and he gave OH and I many years of happiness (and heartache) but I wouldn't change a thing. But you know, I never lost one nights sleep back then before buying him, I just got on with it. How I wish I could be that person again. Anyway after waffling along there, least you know you are not alone in being cautious. I hope that new opportunities to find the right one present themselves to you soon.
 
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Thanks Trewsers for the lovely honest advice and understanding. I sort of wonder what would have happened if I'd stuck my first one out but I had the option to send him back at that point and that is what I did. So I guess I'll never know what might have been though I know my confidence was at rock bottom by the time he went. That's just me though - I knew that was the risk I was taking - fly or fall and I fell. But I suppose on the flip side I could have flown and who knows where I'd be now with the right horse.

I know the exist and I'm trying not to push myself into making a snap decision - though last time it wasn't even that I saw what felt like hundreds.

It was really helpful to hear because I think feeling alone has a lot to do with feeling like I'm somehow not thinking the right things too. Why am I buying a horse when I trust no one and feel so worried? And the reason is, if I really think about it, because I've experienced the connection with the 'right' horse and I know what wonders it can do. I'm just impatient to find that feeling again and have something to love and spoil and look after. Xx
 
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newforest said:
To find some horsey friends get involved with your nearest pony club or riding club. They appreciate helpers for the shows, stewards etc.
Once I got involved with marking a hunter trial. It's a fun day out and you get to meet people.
Before I bought I put an advert up to help with chores and / or exercise. Offering to help without the riding people might take your hand off. I had three I helped and one I rode for. I mentioned it was until I found my own horse.
That's how I found her. :)
Click to expand...

Thanks. That is a good idea. I'll try and find stuff to get involved in. I'm sure there will be and then maybe I won't feel as guilty when it's time for me to ask for help haha xx
 
Whinge away! I have faced catastrophe in my life. In fact I have PTSD from horrific events. For a while afterwards you think you'll never worry about normal hassles and stresses ever again. But emotion doesn't work like that! Grief/horror are different emotions to stress and frustration but that doesn't stop stress and frustration being stressful and frustrating!!
 
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I know exactly what you mean. When my family were going through the worst of it and it really did just seem to be one thing and then another, I remember everything else feeling so insignificant and thinking to myself; I'll never fairy about or get stressed over stupid things ever again! It happens though doesn't it. I am, by nature, a worrier and for all the awful things that have happened, sometimes I can now sit back and think 'you are worrying about something silly' a bit more now. But as you say, as time passes you sort of go back to it.

Also, I do think that sometimes the little things are easier to worry/think about. And also in some senses solvable. I remember sitting in the car with my cousin like it was yesterday (he was more like a brother to me - a twin brother at that because we were born in the same hospital a couple of hours apart and grew up 10 minutes away from each other). He was diagnosed with terminal cancer just before our 28th birthday. And we never really talked about it - he didn't seem to want to. He'd give me the factual updates: I'm going to lose my hair (although in his words: 'I'm going to look like Bill from Guess Who). I was driving him to radiotherapy one day and my car started playing up and the pair of us worried about it like mad - would we get there? Would we get home? Would I be able to stay for pizza? It all seems so menial now (that was the last time I drove him anywhere) but at the time it was so much easier to worry about that. And I chatted to him about looking for a horse and what a nightmare it was and he talked to me about how he couldn't find an iPad to buy and we carried on this cherade until he collapsed having had a major seizure just before Christmas. He was left unable to use one side of his body, unable to speak coherently, unable to see properly and confused. And then, I worried about getting everyone's Christmas presents and still getting to the hospital every day. And so did his mum! I think it's just one of those things where some things are almost easier to worry about and mask the things you can do nothing/little about. When I got the phone call an hour after coming home from the hospital on Christmas Day, all I could say was 'that git - I knew he was going to do this!'

Wasn't really going to say all of this but it sort of felt right. He made me realise that I have to live my life and stop worrying about everything. I'm sure he was worried and frightened but he never let on. He used to even cheer me up when I went to see him feeling petrified of what was happening to him and guilty it wasn't me. I'd come out laughing because he used to have my eyes out about things and tell me he was collecting illnesses and had another to add to his growing list and that he wanted to look like Bill from Guess Who? He loved his life so much he didn't even quit work when he was told he should - he worked around hospital appointments and he bought a bike and cycled there. He really was an amazing guy and I still feel very lost without him. But he taught me a lot about the way I am but, as much as I want to, I cannot change the fact that I'm a worrier.
 
misty said:
I know exactly what you mean. When my family were going through the worst of it and it really did just seem to be one thing and then another, I remember everything else feeling so insignificant and thinking to myself; I'll never fairy about or get stressed over stupid things ever again! It happens though doesn't it. I am, by nature, a worrier and for all the awful things that have happened, sometimes I can now sit back and think 'you are worrying about something silly' a bit more now. But as you say, as time passes you sort of go back to it.

Also, I do think that sometimes the little things are easier to worry/think about. And also in some senses solvable. I remember sitting in the car with my cousin like it was yesterday (he was more like a brother to me - a twin brother at that because we were born in the same hospital a couple of hours apart and grew up 10 minutes away from each other). He was diagnosed with terminal cancer just before our 28th birthday. And we never really talked about it - he didn't seem to want to. He'd give me the factual updates: I'm going to lose my hair (although in his words: 'I'm going to look like Bill from Guess Who). I was driving him to radiotherapy one day and my car started playing up and the pair of us worried about it like mad - would we get there? Would we get home? Would I be able to stay for pizza? It all seems so menial now (that was the last time I drove him anywhere) but at the time it was so much easier to worry about that. And I chatted to him about looking for a horse and what a nightmare it was and he talked to me about how he couldn't find an iPad to buy and we carried on this cherade until he collapsed having had a major seizure just before Christmas. He was left unable to use one side of his body, unable to speak coherently, unable to see properly and confused. And then, I worried about getting everyone's Christmas presents and still getting to the hospital every day. And so did his mum! I think it's just one of those things where some things are almost easier to worry about and mask the things you can do nothing/little about. When I got the phone call an hour after coming home from the hospital on Christmas Day, all I could say was 'that git - I knew he was going to do this!'

Wasn't really going to say all of this but it sort of felt right. He made me realise that I have to live my life and stop worrying about everything. I'm sure he was worried and frightened but he never let on. He used to even cheer me up when I went to see him feeling petrified of what was happening to him and guilty it wasn't me. I'd come out laughing because he used to have my eyes out about things and tell me he was collecting illnesses and had another to add to his growing list and that he wanted to look like Bill from Guess Who? He loved his life so much he didn't even quit work when he was told he should - he worked around hospital appointments and he bought a bike and cycled there. He really was an amazing guy and I still feel very lost without him. But he taught me a lot about the way I am but, as much as I want to, I cannot change the fact that I'm a worrier.
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What a good person he sounded. And what a traumatic experience for you also. I am glad you shared that. Don't try and change the fact you are a worrier, work around it and try and find solutions (that's always what my OH tells me)xx
 
I don't do Christmas. To me is not about stress of buying presents and buying food. It's meant to be about time of work and family and friends.
If it's not, which it isn't anymore, I ditched it. Ah peaceful bliss.
 
Thanks. I've been worrying all day about whether I should have written that. I know it sounds stupid but I don't want any sympathy about it really. At some time in our lives it's inevitable that we have to deal with something awful. And, momentarily, it throws everything into perspective. Who knows - maybe that's why I flew off and got a horse after one viewing and frightened myself silly. Although - in my defence - it was supposed to be ideal fobut a nervous novice.

I think the issue boils down to what I said above and the fact that back in 2015 when he was first diagnosed, I had the 'go off and live your life!' Moment and for me that was get a nice horse and go on the beach and in the woods and off on your own in the wind and the rain and do what you love to do. Except...it sort of turns out that it's not really that easy. And think the cherry on the top was the not even being able to get a riding lesson now. Either someone's up there (maybe I can think who) trying to stop me or trying to get me to prove to myself that I'm made of stronger stuff than I give myself credit for sometimes... but I'd like to say to that person that I've had quite enough of this now and if they would please drop a nice 15.1+ cob on my doorstep with a ribbon around its neck, I'd be most grateful. Haha.
 
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