Wish us luck D Day Tomorrow

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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Please take care of yourself diplomatiandtactful. Being a carer (officially or otherwise) is incredibly difficult and as much as it's an act of love and practicality, it can be a huge burden and put all sorts of pressures on you.

There are people you can talk to and that can help practically, so please make use of them if you need to.

I do think ageing can be a very difficult thing. I'm sure it must be frightening, frustrating and as difficult for the elderly as it much as it can be for the other people involved.

Thinking of you all and sending lots of love.
Going up on Monday to clear the furniture, bringing what we are using down here, and a clearance charity taking some perfectly lovely stuff to landfill as can't find a home for it. Some of it is really good but have advertised it and just nothing and I can't hang around forever.

Mixed emotions. Was my gran's house, so i went there from school at lunchtime and at night after school, pick up my dog Mandy and walk her home to our own house. And my best friend Angie - who died of cancer - used to come with me as her home was a tip and she loved to come there to chill out and relax. My last connection with both.

Next lived there myself, mum moved into it after gran died and I was in London by then. Some of the furniture is gran's most of it mum's. Will hurt like hell watching it all go and realising it is the last time I will ever be there. Feeling quite tearful about it, and the garden which is lovely. But things change.

Mum thinks i am not experiencing any emotions in this, believe me I am, but one of us has to do the stuff. Have to clean out the garden shed, dad's domain, all his stuff, sitting there since he died. Very hard for me. But has to be done. At least I found his ashes and they are safe.
 
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diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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Please take care of yourself diplomatiandtactful. Being a carer (officially or otherwise) is incredibly difficult and as much as it's an act of love and practicality, it can be a huge burden and put all sorts of pressures on you.

There are people you can talk to and that can help practically, so please make use of them if you need to.

I do think ageing can be a very difficult thing. I'm sure it must be frightening, frustrating and as difficult for the elderly as it much as it can be for the other people involved.

Thinking of you all and sending lots of love.
thank you. Am taking the horsebox up on Monday to clear the furniture and someone else is coming and being paid to take the unwanted stuff to landfill which is a disgrace but no one wants it - very good teak 3 door wardrobe and matching chest modern style, better than the rubbish you buy nowadays but can't wait forever.

Mixed emotions. Clearing this house, it was my gran's. I spent hours there going there for lunch, after school, my friend who died of cancer used to go there too. My last connection with gran. Mum moved into it after gran died but i never ever lived there so it is semi detached to me but will hurt like hell renting it out and stripping out the furniture which is a mix of gran's and mum's.

Got to clear dad's shed, all his stuff sitting there since he died. Mum thinks i don't care but it will be emotional as it is my last links with them. And i wished the furniture was going to a good home.
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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So i went to see my friend on Friday and stayed over night just to get away. Had the best night's sleep in a long time. Came back last night to a morose and monosyllabic mother in a mood - OH said she has been like that most of the weekend but worse when i got back. Was really tired, back sore, just wanted to sit and watch a film and do nothing. An advert came on for a Karsher Window Mop - she gave me one years ago, it's buried in the garage or shed somewhere, never used it. The advert was about it being good for wiping up condensation. She asked if i used it. I said we don't get condensation on the inside of the windows so no. Oh you never clean your windows anyway. I just got up and went upstairs. threw her walking frame across the bedroom in a temper and then the washing that was piled up on my bed chucked it around the room as it is a tip anyway as we have her stuff everywhere. Went to bed. Naturally couldn't sleep. eventually came downstairs and watched two episodes of Spooks cuddling a poodle. OH is sick to the teeth of her, I just want her out of my home and be able to relax and do stuff without her being there brooding and angry.
 
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Trewsers

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Oct 13, 2004
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Going up on Monday to clear the furniture, bringing what we are using down here, and a clearance charity taking some perfectly lovely stuff to landfill as can't find a home for it. Some of it is really good but have advertised it and just nothing and I can't hang around forever.

Mixed emotions. Was my gran's house, so i went there from school at lunchtime and at night after school, pick up my dog Mandy and walk her home to our own house. And my best friend Angie - who died of cancer - used to come with me as her home was a tip and she loved to come there to chill out and relax. My last connection with both.

Next lived there myself, mum moved into it after gran died and I was in London by then. Some of the furniture is gran's most of it mum's. Will hurt like hell watching it all go and realising it is the last time I will ever be there. Feeling quite tearful about it, and the garden which is lovely. But things change.

Mum thinks i am not experiencing any emotions in this, believe me I am, but one of us has to do the stuff. Have to clean out the garden shed, dad's domain, all his stuff, sitting there since he died. Very hard for me. But has to be done. At least I found his ashes and they are safe.
Aw I can empathise with that. Not quite the same but a long time ago I helped my mother clear out my nans house and it was so sad because of all the good memories there. I had to be brisk about it otherwise I’d have blubber and been useless! Must be very tiring for you, I hope you get some time to relax when it’s done and dusted.
 
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Huggy

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So i went to see my friend on Friday and stayed over night just to get away. Had the best night's sleep in a long time. Came back last night to a morose and monosyllabic mother in a mood - OH said she has been like that most of the weekend but worse when i got back. Was really tired, back sore, just wanted to sit and watch a film and do nothing. An advert came on for a Karsher Window Mop - she gave me one years ago, it's buried in the garage or shed somewhere, never used it. The advert was about it being good for wiping up condensation. She asked if i used it. I said we don't get condensation on the inside of the windows so no. Oh you never clean your windows anyway. I just got up and went upstairs. threw her walking frame across the bedroom in a temper and then the washing that was piled up on my bed chucked it around the room as it is a tip anyway as we have her stuff everywhere. Went to bed. Naturally couldn't sleep. eventually came downstairs and watched two episodes of Spooks cuddling a poodle. OH is sick to the teeth of her, I just want her out of my home and be able to relax and do stuff without her being there brooding and angry.
Good for you - taking it out on inanimate objects. You must be so drained. My mum was pretty good really, but towards the end it became soul destroying - nothing was ever quite good enough. But I only had a couple if months of that, and not in my home. Hugs - you deserve a bloody medal.
 

Kite_Rider

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No consolation I'm sure but I always say to myself I don't need 'things' to remind me of people or places, they are always here with me in my heart and in my mind and no one can ever take that away. Just my way of dealing with loss I guess. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now, keep reminding yourself that every day that goes by is a day closer to when she's moved into the flat and you can have some well deserved peace. xx
I know that oldies can't seem to help the way they behave but boy is it soul destroying, painful and bloody hard work @Huggy is right you do need a medal.
 
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diplomaticandtactful

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No consolation I'm sure but I always say to myself I don't need 'things' to remind me of people or places, they are always here with me in my heart and in my mind and no one can ever take that away. Just my way of dealing with loss I guess. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now, keep reminding yourself that every day that goes by is a day closer to when she's moved into the flat and you can have some well deserved peace. xx
I know that oldies can't seem to help the way they behave but boy is it soul destroying, painful and bloody hard work @Huggy is right you do need a medal.
just hope we can get everything into the horsebox tomorrow and i don't prang it!
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Hope things are going okay for you.
Long day got back around 7pm. Van is absolutely full, had to leave some stuff behind as just couldn't wedge any more in. God knows what i will do with most of it. I don't think Dad threw anything out. Would have been much easier if the bin men had emptied the bins last week as they were both full from my last visit, so i had nowhere to empty the stuff into which was what i had banked on. So all the shit from the shed is in the groom's compartment of the box and will have to dump it down here. Took ages for them to get the furniture out, as some of it had to be split up - guys didn't bring any tools with them - and managed to find some stuff to do it. Some of the wardrobes wouldn't dismantle and had to be basically wrecked to get them out including the lovely mahogany one.
 
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Trewsers

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Long day got back around 7pm. Van is absolutely full, had to leave some stuff behind as just couldn't wedge any more in. God knows what i will do with most of it. I don't think Dad threw anything out. Would have been much easier if the bin men had emptied the bins last week as they were both full from my last visit, so i had nowhere to empty the stuff into which was what i had banked on. So all the shit from the shed is in the groom's compartment of the box and will have to dump it down here. Took ages for them to get the furniture out, as some of it had to be split up - guys didn't bring any tools with them - and managed to find some stuff to do it. Some of the wardrobes wouldn't dismantle and had to be basically wrecked to get them out including the lovely mahogany one.
What a stressful day. Seems a shame about the wardrobe but what can you do:(
 

diplomaticandtactful

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carpets are being fitted tomorrow, so hopefully can then start getting the furniture from the horsebox inside and just waiting for the bed to arrive. Appliances being fitted on Friday.

So getting there. Very weary.
 
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Skib

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I do wonder about the geriatric care your m.i.l. is receiving from her GP. Clinical Depression is very common in old people.
 

diplomaticandtactful

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I do wonder about the geriatric care your m.i.l. is receiving from her GP. Clinical Depression is very common in old people.
She attended geriatric care clinics at hospital and was signed off as nothing wrong with her at all. She is the same as she has been all her life, just more exagerated. She is fed up as she can't see very well, but she is no worse off than most elderly folks, she can get about if she wants to she just doesn't try. We have had social workers out and her ex daughter is on email exchanges with us and used to visit her every few weeks.
 

Huggy

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carpets are being fitted tomorrow, so hopefully can then start getting the furniture from the horsebox inside and just waiting for the bed to arrive. Appliances being fitted on Friday.

So getting there. Very weary.
I'll bet when she moves in with new carpets and all fresh, she might not show it, but she'll like it.
 
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diplomaticandtactful

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Typical behaviour is today I had bought another photo album to try to curate and do something manageable with the ottoman full of photos....I put in the ones i knew what they were, and with her magnifying glass, she was able to tell me who was who in tiny 2inch by 2inch black and white pictures, so I sorted them into trays according to which family etc and then mounted them in the album. After two hours work, I asked her if she wanted to see the album, she took it for a second glanced at it and said the usual I cannae see at which point i could have throttled her. So why the f did i have to drag all these bloody pictures - i have organised 8 albums so far - make sense of them, and curate and store them so she can look at them. There is nothing at all wrong with her other than being a bit of a bitch at times.
 
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Trewsers

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Typical behaviour is today I had bought another photo album to try to curate and do something manageable with the ottoman full of photos....I put in the ones i knew what they were, and with her magnifying glass, she was able to tell me who was who in tiny 2inch by 2inch black and white pictures, so I sorted them into trays according to which family etc and then mounted them in the album. After two hours work, I asked her if she wanted to see the album, she took it for a second glanced at it and said the usual I cannae see at which point i could have throttled her. So why the f did i have to drag all these bloody pictures - i have organised 8 albums so far - make sense of them, and curate and store them so she can look at them. There is nothing at all wrong with her other than being a bit of a bitch at times.
You must have the patience of a saint. I'd have carried out the throttling!
 
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