A fresh start

It is nice to read about someone else regaining their confidence, I also have issues but I am really getting somewhere now, I have a diary in the members diary section to keep a record of my progress, and on bad days it helps to read through the highs again...

Well done for accepting the issues and working really hard on them:happy:
 
So a quick update on my progress.

First of all I can't thank you all enough for your words of wisdom about my cantering. Since I started riding again I have taken your advcie and just not worried about it. I go out for a hack and knowing I'm just going to walk and trot means there is no stress and no worry for me. Every hack and schooling session I've had so far has been fine, ok there are nerves and at times I've felt really scared but I have overcome it and Bob bless him has been an angel. I defiently think he takes his cues from me and a relaxed me = relaxed bob.

So our recent rides were on Friday night when we went out on a hack with a friend, was just going round the block but we were enjoying it so much that we thought we would carry on and explore a bit. Our yard is on a big estate and there are 100's of acres of forest tracks so there are loads we still haven't been. This was a big deal for me, it was my suggestion to carry on, as the forest is split into two main areas, a relatively flat side near the yard where since my confidence issues I tend to stay around, and the other side which is larger with lots of great hacks but is quite steep in places and goes up to the moor beyond the forest. For some time, most of this year really, I have avoided going up there so it was quite a surprise when I heard the words coming out of my mouth! Anyway it turned out fine, it was uphill most the way and barring a few moments when we were trotting and we got onto a grassy stretch and Bob quite rightly thought we would have a cantyer I was fine. Also I physically felt myself tense and become stressed when he did this and worked hard to force myself to relax. I am much much more conscious now when I am doing this and hopefully this is helping me to keep him calm too. Coming home, all the way downhill I did feel nervous but Bob weas great, we survived, all was well. I am very proud of myself and him xxx

Second ride was last night, in the rain again and decided I really should do some schooling. Getting him ready he had been a complete s**t. Another of the mares is in season again and he has appointed himself as official stable gigolo...tarting himself around the field and at the yard shows off to any mare in sight, beginning to think he might not have been gelded properly but I've had him for 2 years now and he's just turned 8 so wouldn't that have showed itself before now?? Hmm..think he may just be a tart. Anyway he has taken to pulling back and breaking his rope/baler twine. For no reason other than he is big and strong and he now knows he can....he doesn't even go anywhere just pulls back, breaks it and then returns back to eating his haynet!!!!!!!!!! So the rain was getting worse, wind blowing, two broken ropes down but I made myself ride anyway. He was fine, a little s**t, but fine and not in the least but bothered or stressed. I'm so glad I did, he went really well, well he was ok consdering he has hardly been schooled in 3 months, but we did some lovely leg yeilds and lost and lots in trot which is fairly new for him. Apart from a few spooks and moments of unease it felt fine.

Onwards and upwards!!!
 
Just reading this now (how did I miss your thread?) - and have to say - I'm impressed. You seem to have regained your confidence quickly and are doing so well with Bob. But ---- we need photos!! :)
 
Thanks, its not really been that quick and so far I am only 5 rides in so hopefully it will continue! I have had confidence problems for a year on and off but it was just making me so miserable and depressed I decided it could not go on any longer. I was worried that 3 months off would make me worse but I think a combination of having a knee that finally works and this forum has really worked for me. I coudn't be more grateful foir everyone's advice and reading the various threads including your diary! I just hope it will continue and nothing happend to dent my confidence again, I'm not sure how I would cope if I had a fall again..... Still must be positive stay calm and just keep doing what we are doing, I feel my confidence is pretty fragile at the moment but hopefully that will get better over time x

How do I post photos??!
 
Hi everyone,

Its been a little while since I posted so thought I would update you all on how we have been getting on.

Things have been going generally well and we have had serious incidents since I started riding again. I have to say that hacking is still a worry for me and I need more practise out and about in managing my nerves. A friend and I are going out tonight, Bob and her pony are great friends and I am going to try to push myself and go to the part of the woods which are steeper tracks and not as familiar as the easy ones near the yard. I'm actually starting to get those horrible sicky butterfly feelings as I type this and think about it so I must concentrate on staying calm and keeping relaxed as much as I can....quick G&T before I leave?!

In the past Flipo's mum has talked alot about repetition being the key to breaking the cycle of confidence problems and I really do agree. Lately I have been concentrating hard on our school work and its paying off but the hacking has suffered. I guess thats just how things go though and I'm trying to hold onto the thought that if I were to concentrate on it solidly for a few weeks the confidence would come back.

So on the schooling, Bob has real issues with straighness and balance and this means his trot is truly awful and getting him up into the bridle is very difficult. Since my knee started to feel better I have really ramped up my lessons, my RI says she can now be really tough on me since I'm not injured anymore!, and we've worked really hard both ridden and lunging. Now we are at the stage where he is really using his back and I'd say on average if I'm trotting a 20m circle I'm getting about 50% of it in a proper outline and really using himself.

This is a major achievement for me, I have never really been taught how to school properly/bring a horse on and although I'm a good general rider I was doing all sorts of things wrong. To have taken my big, wonky horse who has had alot of time off due to injury and have him now looking like a proper fancy horse if fab and I've taken alot of confidence from it. My RI is amazing and I can't suggest enough to get someone to help you that you really trust and really knows their stuff.

Last night Bob had one of his strops, usually occuring about once a month when my big donkey IDx turns into a thoroughbred stallion. He has just turned 8 but at 17.2hh has taken alot of time to mature and still has the brain of a 3 yr old! You never know when its going to happen but generally it is lunging that starts it off. It was a hot night and when we got into the school all ready to lunge he wanted to roll in the sand...fair enough he wants to get rid of the sweat and have a good itch but not while he's meant to be working. So I sent him into a trot and wouldn't let him walk = very pissed off horse. He objected by bombling round at a near gallop while trying to get down to roll, bucks, rears and general nonesense. Last time he had one of these episode it was over a mare in season and actually got away from my RI and jumped out of the school.... So we swiftly got the line through his bit rings and had more control. RI then exclaims "great this is the perfect time to get some really good stuff out of him"...ya think..!??? So we taught him how to go from trot straight into rein back on the lunge and by the end of it canter into rein back. I was amazed and he got it really quickly. It was very hard work for him and he soon realised the error of his ways!! RI was 100% right, when they are hyped up like that and on their toes they are very receptive to learning difficult things....just don't ask me to get on him!

So back to the schooling. Much of this has been alot of hard work, mainly lots and lots and lots (and then some more) sitting trot until we get what we need from him and the resulting all over body aches..thank god for my new spa bath. It has though also started to improve my seat and to get what we need I am having to work on a very loose rein with very little contact. This was very hard at first, I realised I rely on my reins way too much, I have to really push him on to use himself and trust him not to bomb off into canter (my no.1 fear) has been tough. This was his main evasion tactic before, as it was easier to canter than really use himself in trot and what caused a fall in the school just before I stopped riding for my knee op. But we are getting there (touch all wood based items).

The short term aim is a clinic that is being run at our yard next weekend. This will be a tough 2 days of work and I have to say I am worried. There will be 5 horses coming to the yard that Bob doesn't know and I'm worried about how he will react to them (one is a stallion although I guess I should just be glad he's not a mare!). Although generally we work in groups of two so hopefully that will help. My biggest fear though is having to canter infront of others...well actually canter at all!! We have to write down our wish list at the start of the clinic and I am so undecided as to whether I should put this down. You lovely people advised me a few months back to not even think about the cantering thing and only do it when I really want to. I'm not sure I'm really there yet and haven't cantered in the school or on a hack since then although I'm hopeful at some point this will come. So, should I aim to canter next week or not? There are plenty of other things we can work on but I'll be honest I do feel pressure to just get on with it/fit in/show people I am fine....... I think I know what you will all say :) and I'm sorry for the long post but it feels so good to share how I'm feeling xxx
 
Gosh, what amazing progress you are making! I am really impressed to hear how you are working with your RI to get the best out of you and out of Bob.

I am sure that when you decide to canter it will be as smooth as silk. Assuming that the person at the clinic is there to help you, I would be inclined to put something like, "I haven't cantered since my accident, I'll have to judge on the day whether I feel ready to." Don't let anybody put you under pressure.

Looking at your fellow participants from another point of view - they could be there to support you and cheer when you do well, hmm? They might well be feeling anxious too!

Enjoy the clinic and we look forward to hearing all about it. We would love to see pictures of your big lad. I use Photobucket but there are lots of other ways which I don't know :smoke:
 
Thanks Jane, yes I do feel I am making progress although the hack was not so good tonight. He was still in a bad mood from last night and we left the yard feeling like I had a bomb underneath me....I'm sure you know that feeling! I find it very very hard to relax when he is like that but I did my best and after about half an hour he did finally relax a little. I was very nervous and he was very spooky and we probably wound each other up. The flies were awful as well and they were winding him up, walking really fast which meant my friend on her 14hh pony had to jog along most of the way. That stressed me out too. Anyway it was pretty nerve wracking but we did get through it, didn't fall off and came home nice and relaxed.

I need to hold onto to thought that he was just having one of those days and if I had been hacking more recently I probably would have coped with it better.

Yes, my RI is running the clinic so I will be in safe hands! I think you are right. I really don't feel ready to canter yet and I don't want to ruin my hard fought for confidence.

Photos are here, I made these ones open to everyone on FB so hopefully you can see them!
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.90812182521.96686.671132521
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.430115832521.208697.671132521
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.430117927521.208698.671132521
 
Awh I'm glad things are going well mrs, its lovely to hear youre gaining ground. Like being on a mission and succeeding lol!
Good luck with the clinic next weekend, will be very interested to hear how that goes (and Bob is lush btw, he is huge!)
I don't think you should make any decisions over cantering until you're there and in the moment. Maybe make a target that 'I will canter if I feel like it'. That way you don't have to on the day unless you feel like you're riding donkey Bob (rather than Bomb Bob!) I'm all for indecisiveness, sometimes that way decisions just happen to you on the spot without you having to worry about them.
God I sound like a weird, crappy philosopher student don't I?! :redcarded:
 
Thanks. No not at all, your advice is always great!

I know he is huge, hence why I try to avoid falling of if at all possible! With all the schooling work he seems to be getting wider, more muscly and even bigger as well!

Yes I am going to carry on concentrating on only the things I am comfortable with.

I was very stressed tonight on the hack although is retrospect looking back to before my op when confidence was low I don't think I would have coped with it at all. Plus I would have been much moroe upset about and nervous about getting on again which at the moment (admittedly after 2 glasses of wine) I'm not.

I still have moments of depression about it. I want to be out in the hills cantering about with him and it does make me sad that I can't bring myself to do it...then all the feelings of just get on with it, what's wrong with you etc..... I just need to focus I guess and not let it get me down.
 
Have just read through this entire thread, just wanted to say well done for making so much progress with Bob (who is huge and very, very gorgeous!). You have pushed yourself little by little with him in both schooling and hacking by the sounds of things, and you should be proud of yourself.
I don't have any advice to give as i'm a novice but I can relate to the way you feel, especially with the hacking and the canter issues. Please keep us updated, reading your progress is inspiring :)
 
So, we had out clinic this weekend and generally I would say it went well.

Bob is still playing up in the stable and will not settle at all in there. I had to persevere all weekend with him as apart from when he was in the school, about 4 hrs each day in total, he had to be in his stable. He is awful in there, pacing around, sweating up and doing lots of sloppy poos all down his back end. I'm trying to get him into a routine of going in there the same time everday but it is tough. Yesterday he was a little better though and I dug out his old treat ball that he had when he was confined with his injury and that kept him busy for a little while.

Anyway the negatives from the weekend:
1. Handling Bob was very difficult as he was stressed for being in the stable. It was very hard to get him to stand still for me to groom or wash him and this did stress me out. I also worried all day about him in the stable but my RI says we must keep up the routine and evebtually he will accept. This stress did mean that on a couple of occasions in the school when doing our inhand work I did lose my temper with him (I think after he had whacked me round the head!) and this was not productive.
2. In trying to get Bob to work in a consistent outline and up into the bridle I had to get him going really big, use lots and lots of leg and to be honest take me out of my comfort zoe. I was so fearful that he would break into canter that I did back off a couple of times and I know if had pushed just a little harder I probably could have had him going like a dream. He feels so different in his way of going when he is really operating with his back up and moving properly and I have to say at the moment it scares me a little. He feels huge under me and it is going to take some getting used to.
3. On the 2nd day the group riding before me all had to to canter work on both reins. This really knocked my confidence and started me panicking and I worried about it for the next 2 hrs hoping my RI wouldn't ask me to do the same. In the end I asked if I could leave that for another clinic which she was fine with but I felt really ashamed and embarassed about it.

And the positives......well I had alot and overall I am delighted with the clinic....:
1. We got a Piaffe inhand on the 2nd day!!!!!!!! This was AMAZING! I think the most amazing thing I have ever done with any horse and am so so proud of him and me. To see my big lump of a horse dancing in front of me was unbelivable and I got quite emotional.
2. We mastered and actually did a really good job with out lateral work in trot (shoulder in, counter shoulder in and leg yield). We have never done this before and he did really well. The climax to this was a 20m diamond in trot, shoulder in down one side, then quarters in, then back to shoulder in etc etc. It was fab. At the end of every session everyone gives their feedback on what they lernt and what their highlight was from another person in the group. On the first day this was pretty much everybodies highlight
3. Learning to start doing my inhand work 'hands free'. No hands means I couldn't fight with Bob, this is a major issue for me. When he is in a bolshy mood he pushes me, I push back, he pushes me harder and we don't get anywhere. Hands free meant that all of a sudden there is no pressure there so nothing to push against an Bob was like ok.....right...well I suppose I'll just have to stand here then and be good! It was a revelation.

So in conclusion:
1. I am not there yet with my confidence and I need to learn to trust him. Trust him that he won't bolt off or try to buck me off. Trust myself that I becoming a better rider and if this were to happen I would cope ok.
2. We still need to work on his issues in the stable. He will come in everday now until he will settle and I need to go and get a couple more toys for him to play with the try and keep him occupied.
3. We made huge progress this weekend. I need to focus on that and not be brought down my the negatives. Now I know exactly what I need to work on and that is feeling comfortable with his new way of going and comfortable in pushing him on harder.
4. I am still not ready to canter and need to focus on all the new things I have learnt and master those. Hopefully one day the canter will come.
 
Quick update on hacking.

I've not been out really for the last 2 weeks as I've been in the school so much but said I'd go out today on a long (!?!) hack with my friend and her pony.

My sharer has been hacking out Bob a bit this week and he has been a complete S**T for her. Jogging, not settling, spooking at everything etc and they had a couple of figts when he wouldn't leave the yard. So I was not looking forward to today. I set myself up to expect the worst.

And actually he was ok, infact he was really good and back to donkey Bob again. Really there is no knowing with my boy!. We had a fantastic hack and went up to the scary side of the forest. The good thing though is that for the first 20mins it is solidly uphill so a couple of trots up that and I felt in control and Bob was settled. I'm really pleased, it was a gorgeous day and I felt comfortable.

If only I could get some consistency and him behave himself every time we go out and I might get to point where I can canter. Oh well here's hoping.
 
So, a little update. We are still not hacking much as we have another clinic this weekend and I've been practisign in the school for that. I promise we will get back to the hacking after this weekend.

Day one today and it was ok, I was so nervous as all the horses at this clinic have travelled to the yard. So although Bob is on familiar territory the horses are all new to him. He was a bit difficult and nappy as he was desperate to stay with him in the school and he got very strong at times... my arms are killing me and I still have 2 days to go! One of them is a stallion aswell and although he was very good for a stallion the prospect of riding in the school with one henstly terrified me. I think this did unsettle Bob aswell so tomorrow I need to work very hard on being relaxed and confident. If I feel it coming on I must walk away.

Today was good and RI made me work very very hard. Positives were that Bob got quite excited at times, we were asking him to do quite difficult stuff for him and he did a few small rears, lost of kicking out and even a buck. I was amazed to find that actually I coped pretty well will all of this. I have been working on my seat alot lately, sitting trot everywhere, and I think its really paying dividends. His buck was on the long side and he was deal straight so this did make it easier. But I felt myself hardly move in the saddle at all.

So, all of this is makig me think that maybe its time to try cantering again.......I'm clearly alot more balanced in the saddle so think I have a much better chance of it going well but I am stil pretty scared at the thought. Oh what to do....? I'm sure when I actually do do it I'll be like, jesus what was all the fuss about! Oh well, watch this space and maybe this weekend will be the time
 
Honestly Crinklesb, you are coming on in leaps and bounds. I would so love to learn how to do in hand work on the bridle - the thought of seeing my horse doing a piaffe for me is just amazing! I wish you had a pictures for us of Bob dancing :smile:

As for canter - no rush... You are achieving so much so quickly, you've got lots to aim for without canter. Bob won't mind!
 
Glad to hear things are progressing well C - sounds like you're on your way to cantering again. Maybe try some short bursts down the long side of the school - get your confidence up in giving him the aids to start and then importantly stop will help boost your trust in him? Only suggesting as it's what im doing and find it very reassuring to know I'm in charge lol! Enjoy the rest of the clinic;-).
 
Thanks everyone for your support. We had a fab weekend!!!!! We achieved our goal of doing a 20m circle on a proper outline and up into the bridle and it felt amazing :). It was such hard work getting him there....I'm ruined today...but it was brilliant. We had such a great group of people and in the ridden section you ride together and then individually. When it was my turn and I was trying to get him up there everyone was shouting and cheering me on it was fab.

We didn't canter but we started some more work with him on the lunge. He is actually still very unbalanced on the lunge so RI says that until he can canter well on his own I'm not to do it. So I plan to work up to it together.

Actually though the biggest achievement of the weekend was how much better my seat was. I've been working so hard on it and its paying off. I feel so much more secure in the saddle. While doing all the work to free up Bob's back he does quite alot of mini bucks, kicking out etc. A month ago this really freaked me out and when he did it I would just shut down and stop riding and really want to just get off. This weekend though I felt so secure and it really didn't phase me. He did one quite big buck and although it was on the long side so we were nice and straight I hardly moved a muscle. I'm so pleased with myself and it all bodes well for when I do start cantering.

As for photos sorry I don't have one of his Piaffe but there were some videos done so as soon as they are on youtube I'll post a link.
 
Its been a while since I posted, I've been on holiday and things have been mad at home BUT....I thought I better post to say that I CANTERED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it was AMAZING :))

We have another clinic this Fri-Sun and when we were doing our forms this morning, we sit down and all discuss what we want to get out of the 3 days, I don't know what came over me but I said I might try a very very very small canter. My RI has been so patient with me and basically was waiting for me to decide I wanted to canter again.....I sdaid maybe I would do it on Sunday...she said "no you'll do it when I ask you to". So, great she has been waiting a while for me to decide to try again and she wasn't going to let it go. We had a good day, started or ridden work and after some good work in trot I thought she was going to let me finish. Then "ok lets just pop him into canter then" the dreaded words!

She has a brilliant technique for improving horses transitions and making sure they strike off on the right leg. Its also excellent for nervous riders and unbalanced horses as the horse will only canter when they really feel they can. It goes like this, while doing rising trot you shout out..."Bob, when you are ready you may canter. You may not want to but you MUST trot faster". And repeat over and over, while constantly trotting faster and faster (turns out we can really trot very fast if it means avoiding canter!).

Its fair to say that I was terrified, told everyone I couldn't do it and it took us a good 20 mins of trotting round until we did it. Mainly because everytime poor Bob went to go into canter I tensed up and he lost his balance. It was awful...basically like someone was saying 'see the cliff over there...stand on the edge and jump off and maybe you'll be fine but maybe you might die a horrible and terrifying death'.

So after a while I just thought F**k it lets just do it, pushed him on and we cantered. Just a few strides at first and then by the end a 20m circle. It felt amazing and I realised how much I missed it and how nice Bob's canter is. So smooth and rocking horse like.

As soon as we were done I burst into tears and made a royal idiot of myself but who cares I DID IT! I feel liek such a huge weight is off my shoulders and hopefully we can build on it over the next 2 days.

Thank you so much to everyone who has given brilliant advice and all the other threads on here, I have taken such comfort from them. We've not grauduated the confidence club yet but knowing its not just little old me going through this and having people to share it with has got me so far down the road to beating my problems xxxxx
 
:bounce::bounce:Well would you lookey here! Congratulations, what an accomplishment. And what a lovely RI you have not forcing you, waiting for you to suggest it but pushing gently when you needed it. My kind of instructor. Here's to many more cantering adventures - but only if you feel good and ready.:wink:
 
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