How do you get it back?

Dizzy Woo

Dizzy Woo

Well-Known Member
Apr 20, 2008
1,877
42
48
Dorset
Had bad fall in April, fractured back and off riding for 3 months, but I did get back on and had some great hacks with my friend and was doing better (almost) than before fall, then fell off in slow motion going through a gate - that was a bit of a shock as she had always been good at manouvres. Then a couple weeks ago came off quite bad again, got knocked out and hurt my old back injury.
On the whole Daisy is a safe safe plod, these 3 incidents were completely out of character.
Now I can ride in the field but if I go out I am a complete mess.
I have been out once on my own (which was probably the best) and twice with friends, but I am not enjoying it.
Im riding along thinking soft hands, relax, breath, sing, oh my god her ears are back, calm down, sing some more, and on and on it oges.
Daisy hasnt put a hoof wrong but I am almost waiting for it and at my grand old age of 52 am terified of riding on hard roads etc incase I come off and I can almost hear the 'crack' of my bones.
What a bloomin mess I am :furious:
My question is do I keep pushing myself out and about and hope it all comes back, do I keep going round the bit Daisy seems happy with or do I try new places so she isnt spooky later when Im braver (even though she isnt spooky now) see - a flippin mess :furious:
HELP! someone please speak some sense into me.
aplogies for rambling - just had to get that out.
 
Poor you, you sound like you have had a hell of a time :(

Well, I'm not saying this will work 100%, or it will work quickly but this is the advice everybody gave me on here 6 months ago when I like you came back to riding after an injury. I haven't yet graduated confidence club as I still need to master cantering on a hack and especially cantering in an open field eek!!!! but we are getting there. When I started posting asking for help I could barely go for a plod (walk only!!) round the block without feeling sick and panicking.

The most important and useful advice I was given was to only do things you are 100% confident doing. This may be walking round your favourite 'safe' route, riding in the school or even just leading Daisy on a hack if that is all you feel happy with at the moment. Whatever it is it doesn't matter as long as you arrive back at the stables having not felt nervous or getting stressed. This means that every time you ride...or lead Daisy out you have a positive happy experience. As time goes on all of these happy experiences will build up and up and up and so will your confidence.

At this point you can up the stakes a little such as try a different route, hack out with a friend etc. You might even want to try a more challenging route but with a foot soldier. Whatever it is though you must be 100% confident before you do it.

You should find a massive difference in your riding and your happiness in general, I certainly did. Before I was always putting myself under huge pressure....why can't I go up in the hills, why can't I canter on the tracks I always used to.....generally what the hell is wrong with me!!!! and feeling completely useless. This meant that every time I rode I beat myself up over what I wasn't doing and how useless I was....not in any way productive.

It was the lovely folks on here that helpfully pointed this out to me so I cannot thanks them enough.

A few other things, go out with the expectation that if Daisy does get upset about something or you do not feel safe that you will just get off and lead her until you either feel ready to get on again or just walk her home. This is not a failure on your part and agreeing with yourself that you have this escape route to use if you need it is very reassuring. You will return home not feeling a failure because you always knew you might need to use it.

You say you are singing to yourself etc to keep calm. Before this whole experience for me I did not realise how much confidence, or lack of, that my horse takes from me....probably because I was always confident before. When you are getting ready to go out think carefully about how you are feeling. Any incidents we have had in the last 6 months have been because I have been rushing, worried about not taking my time or plans have changed at the last minute e.g. my nice quiet hack with my friend and her pony is joined by two other new liveries on TB youngsters. Looking back I should have said no, I don't want you to come but I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't just cope with it!!??!! Suffice to say Bob jogged all the way round and I got quite upset when the suggested a gallop together, I ended up feeling awful and it set me back weeks.

Anyway, I digress, when you are getting ready if you feel you are getting nervous in any way whatsoever, walk away from Daisy and do something else for 10 mins....make a cup a coffee, re-organise your rug collection, clean your bridle whatever you like as long as you have detached yourself from Daisy and the situation that was making you nervous e.g. the anticipation of the ride. Taking yourself away for 10 mins really works and while you are doing it concentrate on all the good rides you have been having and what an angel Daisy is. I made a deal with myself never to get on unless I was calm and happy and having a good start to a hack, I believe the first 5 mins often sets the tone for the whole ride. If it starts badly it just gets worse and worse....!

Good luck and let us know how you get on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Also keep doing it. The more you do it, the better you will get. Having long breaks between riding is not helpful for nerves AT ALL.

And I agree, only go out with people you feel safe with and for me, I never, ever go out with people alone who I do not feel are able to properly control their horses.

Have lessons. This I think is the most confidence helping thing I have done to date. It isn't that we can't ride, but if you can ride better, and lets face it, most of us could, you feel safer.

I have certainly not graduated confidence club, but I don't feel as nervous as I did before, and at times, I really enjoy myself now!
 
I think crinklesb has put it all very well! I've not yet graduated from confidence club either so not sure how valuable my contribution is but all I can tell you is how I've got to this point in time where I feel fairly confident to do a solo hack around 30 minutes at walk trot, and maybe try a canter (IF my horse was able, which at the moment he isn't!)

Things I've done to try and sort this out -
1. Bachs rescue remedy
2. Kalms
3. Pax
4. EMDR therapy
5. Hacking with confidence hypnotism cds
6. Re-trained horse (obviously not required in your situation)
7. Riding lessons
8. Confining myself to the school until feel capable to hack back
9. Foot soldiers out on hacks
10. Riding as much as possible

To be honest, I'd say the one that has had the best success is number 10. Ride as much as possible. Think of it like starting with a huge piece of stone that you slowly chip away at to become a lovely statue of you sitting on your horse smiling happily. Its gonna be tough at first, no denying it. But feel the fear and do it anyway...although don't overface yourself like crinklesb suggests you don't want to scare yourself any more. Its all about good experiences. To test whats scary on each occasion Fth on here talked about using a scale, anything from 1-4 (I think it was) is within comfort zone. 5-6 is the stretch zone and 7-10 is waaaay out of comfort zone and far too scary. Trick is to only try things that are within or at a 5 on this scale. So to progress you have to find the moments when those previously unattainable things FEEL like a 5 on your scale. You have to work on how you get these things into your 5 zone.
My confidence goes up and down at a certain level but then it jumps up and waivers at a slightly higher level than that.
E.g. last year I spent a good couple of months scared to ride alone even in the school - that was a 5.
Then slowly that dropped as I did it more - it went down to about a 3 and I then found my new stretch activity was riding alone in the school - that was the new 5.
Now that's down at say a 2 in my scale, but sometimes it goes way back up again to a 5. It just depends how I'm feeling, if I've not ridden for a wee while, how Flipo seems lately, the weather, etc.
Currently I'm at the point where solo hacking is a 5-6 on my scale. It waivers depending on the day and I'm ok with that. I'll just keep popping my head out over the parapet every now and then and push myself when I feel like it. I don't sit on my laurels. I don't let others coerce me into doing stuff I don't feel able to. My speed, my terms and actually I think I've got a lot further a lot faster this way.
Maybe you should bore yourself into bravery (Skippy's Mum wise words).
Good luck mrs, you've had some unfortunate experiences of late and I hope things improve for you over the winter. We're all in the same boat though, its horrible to think but this confidence stuff can disappear in one ride, and take an age to return. The nature of the human brain unfortunately.
 
sjp1 said:
Also keep doing it. The more you do it, the better you will get. Having long breaks between riding is not helpful for nerves AT ALL.

And I agree, only go out with people you feel safe with and for me, I never, ever go out with people alone who I do not feel are able to properly control their horses.

Have lessons. This I think is the most confidence helping thing I have done to date. It isn't that we can't ride, but if you can ride better, and lets face it, most of us could, you feel safer.

I have certainly not graduated confidence club, but I don't feel as nervous as I did before, and at times, I really enjoy myself now!
Click to expand...

^^^ This lady knows what she's talking about...she's the one who told me the more you do it the easier it'll get. AND SHE'S DAMN WELL RIGHT!
 
What great advice here!

if I were coaching you, as a confidence coach -- I would be saying a lot of the same things -- maybe combining them slightly differently

so, for the next two weeks, stay IN your comfort zone -- think to yourself, how do I feel about doing X -- and if you have NO butterflies -- then do it

if you have a FEW butterflies -- say two or three, then ask yourself -- what can I do FIRST to calm the butterflies down? for example, it might be that if you lead Daisy for abit you will feel calmer and then be able to get on; or it might be that having a halter and lead rope on under your bridle will, although looking a bit differnt, make it easy for you to get off and just take a break now and then....

every time you do something that has a LOT of butterflies -- you actually make your confidence WORSE.....

then yes -- the thing is that whatever you CAN do -- do a LOT and OFTEN so it becomes habit -- then you will find that your comfort zone EXPANDS

here's one persons story:
with my horse I led her out and rode her back along the same route -- each time I felt happy getting on earlier and earlier until we were riding the whole route...the whole time my confidence stayed in the ocmfort zone and yet I still made progress


these are usually the things I talk through if I have an initial session with someone -- so hope they help you!

best

Cathy
 
crinklesb said:
The most important and useful advice I was given was to only do things you are 100% confident doing. This may be walking round your favourite 'safe' route, riding in the school or even just leading Daisy on a hack if that is all you feel happy with at the moment. Whatever it is it doesn't matter as long as you arrive back at the stables having not felt nervous or getting stressed. This means that every time you ride...or lead Daisy out you have a positive happy experience. As time goes on all of these happy experiences will build up and up and up and so will your confidence.


You should find a massive difference in your riding and your happiness in general, I certainly did. Before I was always putting myself under huge pressure....why can't I go up in the hills, why can't I canter on the tracks I always used to.....generally what the hell is wrong with me!!!! and feeling completely useless. This meant that every time I rode I beat myself up over what I wasn't doing and how useless I was....not in any way productive.


A few other things, go out with the expectation that if Daisy does get upset about something or you do not feel safe that you will just get off and lead her until you either feel ready to get on again or just walk her home. This is not a failure on your part and agreeing with yourself that you have this escape route to use if you need it is very reassuring. You will return home not feeling a failure because you always knew you might need to use it.


if you feel you are getting nervous in any way whatsoever, walk away from Daisy and do something else for 10 mins....make a cup a coffee, re-organise your rug collection, clean your bridle whatever you like as long as you have detached yourself from Daisy and the situation that was making you nervous e.g. the anticipation of the ride. Taking yourself away for 10 mins really works and while you are doing it concentrate on all the good rides you have been having and what an angel Daisy is. I made a deal with myself never to get on unless I was calm and happy and having a good start to a hack, I believe the first 5 mins often sets the tone for the whole ride. If it starts badly it just gets worse and worse....!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Click to expand...

Thankyou Crinklesb - I think I could have quoted all of your reply but these points you have made - I think they will really help, its like giving myself permision to be a nervous nelly, and it is inspirational to hear I will get through it. Its quite a lonely feeling when you think you are the only 'failure' but after reading yours and the other posts from you lovely lot I know I am not a failure, I am just in the confidence club at the moment but I WILL graduate and I WILL learn from this exprience and it WILL make me a better rider in the long term - well thats what I am going to keep telling myself :wink:
 
fth said:
What great advice here!

if I were coaching you, as a confidence coach -- I would be saying a lot of the same things -- maybe combining them slightly differently

so, for the next two weeks, stay IN your comfort zone -- think to yourself, how do I feel about doing X -- and if you have NO butterflies -- then do it

if you have a FEW butterflies -- say two or three, then ask yourself -- what can I do FIRST to calm the butterflies down? for example, it might be that if you lead Daisy for abit you will feel calmer and then be able to get on; or it might be that having a halter and lead rope on under your bridle will, although looking a bit differnt, make it easy for you to get off and just take a break now and then....

every time you do something that has a LOT of butterflies -- you actually make your confidence WORSE.....

then yes -- the thing is that whatever you CAN do -- do a LOT and OFTEN so it becomes habit -- then you will find that your comfort zone EXPANDS

here's one persons story:
with my horse I led her out and rode her back along the same route -- each time I felt happy getting on earlier and earlier until we were riding the whole route...the whole time my confidence stayed in the ocmfort zone and yet I still made progress


these are usually the things I talk through if I have an initial session with someone -- so hope they help you!

best

Cathy
Click to expand...

Thank you Cathy - I will take all this on board :biggrin:
watch this space...............
 
Loads of good advice on here, I can only add (or repeat) little and often. I still have not managed to hack alone (not practical now Joe can't come with us anyways and shouts if she leaves the enclosure!) but I am pretty much back into the groove school wise - even in the wind!lol. I just kept at it each day - little and often....pushing a little bit further each time. Good luck to you - sure you will achieve what you want to, just keep chipping away!
 
All the above is very sound advice and everything I have done in my quest to hack about happily on my own without coming home with knuckles white with tension and my neck stiff from the rigid 'correct' (but usually very incorrect as it happens:redface:) position I have tried to maintain.

The only thing I will add - but it has sort of been covered already - do the stuff that you feel absolutely safe with - over and over and over until you are so flipping bored that you will be delighted to try a bit further, a newer route etc. etc. and your nerves wont even kick in because you will be sooooooo relieved to relieve the repetitive boredom!:giggle:

I do cheat a bit though in my quest for confidence - I bought myself a Dolly - recommend it to anyone struggling - however after a long break from riding I suspect I will have to go back to the beginning for me again - not for Mrs. Perfect though!:angel:
 
Firstly ask your self do i enjoy riding and do i feel good after a hack, if the answer is yes then carry on riding. Do what you are comfortable with until you feel ready to move on a bit. We all get a bit uptight sometimes and grip the reigns for grim death so what i do is take long slow deep breaths let it out slow then try and let you body relax. We are all leisure riders who do this for fun and because we love our horses it is not a test of bravery and none of us will ever ride in the grand national so relax and enjoy what you feel is right for you at the moment. Time heals and confidence returns with patience, doing a lot of groundwork and lunging helps and spend lots of time with your pal, animals understand but dont let him take the mickey though.
 
pinkheather said:
Firstly ask your self do i enjoy riding and do i feel good after a hack, if the answer is yes then carry on riding.
Click to expand...

I cant think of anything I love more than a plod around somewhere scenic with Daisy admiring the views or the wildlife, I just cant wait to do it again.
I think that's what is so frustrating, I want to so much but my head says "what if" too many times.
But all your advice has definately been an encouragement, I can see, now, that others have felt exactly the same and got through it, I was so worried I would be stuck in that horrible moment for ever, I am begining to see that with time and work I wont be stuck there too long
 
You won't be there for ever at all. Toby scared me rigid last September/October time and I spend a good few months just doing ground work.

When I did finally get on him, actually bareback with no hat because I was tired and he was good after leading him in hand (not something I would recommend!), all seemed fine. But the nerves kicked in soon after. I wanted to get off after that ALL THE TIME!

Now I know this is where I will differ from lots of people. Friend let me get off a fair few times, but every time I got off and then on again it was almost like I had failed if that makes any sense?

So then I started staying on. Yes, it pushed me right out of my comfort zone, but now, getting off is not something I ever think about. For instance last weekend five of us went out together. Up through tracks and woods, when we trotted, Toby was like a coiled spring and pulling and cantering sideways, and bearing in mind I had a fall three months ago when he bucked me off up on the moors, I didn't consider getting off. Sat tight and made him work.

And this is where I say lessons are really helpful. If you know 200% that your horse is perfectly schooled and 200% bombproof and you are a 200% perfect rider, then you needn't bother. However, for me, I think in spite of confidence courses, both ridden and non ridden, this didn't work. For me, what is working is lessons. Learning when he does this, you do that etc. It is the fact I guess that knowledge is power. I looked at my YO/RI when we were going up through a track in the woods, she was in front of me, someone was in front of her. She has a big warmblood who wanted to be in front and was cantering sideways. She just sat it, made him work and sat it. She is a very good rider, and I think the fact that her horse is just a horse, like anyone elses, and things like that don't freak her out shows what you can do with a bit of work. But just my opinion! You will get there, whichever route you choose!
 
sjp1 said:
Friend let me get off a fair few times, but every time I got off and then on again it was almost like I had failed if that makes any sense?

Yes yes that makes complete sense to me, i have hopped of ready for something, led her through, and the something didnt affect her and i think, I could have stayed on, wasted a bit of riding!

And this is where I say lessons are really helpful. If you know 200% that your horse is perfectly schooled and 200% bombproof and you are a 200% perfect rider, then you needn't bother. However, for me, I think in spite of confidence courses, both ridden and non ridden, this didn't work. For me, what is working is lessons. Learning when he does this, you do that etc. It is the fact I guess that knowledge is power. I looked at my YO/RI when we were going up through a track in the woods, she was in front of me, someone was in front of her. She has a big warmblood who wanted to be in front and was cantering sideways. She just sat it, made him work and sat it. She is a very good rider, and I think the fact that her horse is just a horse, like anyone elses, and things like that don't freak her out shows what you can do with a bit of work. But just my opinion! You will get there, whichever route you choose!
Click to expand...

I have hummed and arghed about lessons, I used to have a couple a week when I got Daisy 4 years ago, I think I agree with you, it is something I am going to have another go at, I think I have become lazy and the thought of even half an hour schooling does put me off because I know I am gonna get puffed out but I do feel safe in a school so thats got to be another plus.

BTW thats great that after only 3 months you can sit through sideways canters etc. I remember seeing our YM on her stalion and he was doing all sorts of stuff, sideways, reversing etc and she couldnt give a poop, she just carried on chatting, I think I realised then I was a bit of a whoosy :wink: Not for much longer though.

Am planning a little walk out with Daisy in a minute on my own and will get on when I feel comfortable and when I can find a nice big log :wavespin:
 
^ All great advice.

After my nasty fall when Victory reared and went over on top of me, I completely lost all my confidence. I went from being at one with my horse and going on 8 mile hacks to confining myself in the school terrified that he may spook at something in the school and rear up again.

It has taken a good year or more of help from my lovely RI - without her I would still be confined and terrified in the school.

She would foot soldier me up the field. Would never push me into anything. I think it is a good thing to take little steps and take your time.

I am now happily riding in the school with full confidence again. Have started jumping Victory and managing to do rein back (which terrified me as backwards could mean upwards if you know what I'm saying), and I am now hacking alone and cantering up my field.

It is possible with the help of someone experienced to get your confidence back but give yourself lots of time and take it slowly.

Unfortunately I will never hack Victory out again on the roads as he is so terrified of bicycles it is impossible.
 
I was a bit worried about having lessons but its as if you surrender your decision making processes to someone else temporarily and therefore they take care of your safety, they don't let you do anything too risky (I sometimes feel that making the decision to do something or not is the stressful bit of having nerves - you're scared you make the wrong decision and it ends up hurting you!) My RI has been walking out as a foot soldier with us to give lessons so there's no reason why you can't get some hacking lessons? Worth enquiring about.
As for the getting off and leading or getting on once you feel happy. I could never do that. I'm too stecky to get on without a block, my horse isn't great to mount at the best of times and if something bad happens I know I can't get off quick enough so just have to ride it out (which I hope is going to be a good thing in the end as then I'll realise that I can cope with it!)
Just don't expect the nerves to go overnight and you'll actually find they do disappear alot quicker than you expect. Its maybe not the time of year when its going to be easy to make much progress but spring will be fab, you've got the determination, you know how much you enjoy it, you will get there. Good luck!
 
Dizzy Woo said:
I have hummed and arghed about lessons, I used to have a couple a week when I got Daisy 4 years ago, I think I agree with you, it is something I am going to have another go at, I think I have become lazy and the thought of even half an hour schooling does put me off because I know I am gonna get puffed out but I do feel safe in a school so thats got to be another plus.
Click to expand...

It is extremely hard work and I end up sweating buckets with my hair plastered with sweat to my head!!! My legs are often aching with the work, but on the upside, I am so busy concentrating, I really don't have time to worry that Tobes will act up. He is so busy concentrating, he doesn't have the time to act up! In fact last week, he planted by the gate and had a flick with the schooling whip from me, put his ears back and tried again, but as I am much more fearful of RI than Tobes he had another flick and on we went!!!

It is worth it!!!!
 
I agree with sjp. I have always taken a dim view of the Confidence section of NR. Your thread came up as a New Post, so I happened to read the OP.

This sounds to me like a real and justified fear. Three falls in a quite short time. A real problem. However wonderful you may think your horse is, your mind is rightly warning you that YOUR safety is the top priority. I would sit down and analyse what went wrong in each fall and how it might have been prevented.

The remedy is to make changes - see what changes are possible and whether they will be sufficient to reduce the risk of falling to a satisfactory level.

I assume you are wearing a good quality and well fitted bp to protect your back? Since you have previous injury, it might be worth considering an air jacket too?

Next thing is to trust your fear and your insctinct for self preservation. After my only bad falls and also after a friend was killed riding, I allowed myself to go back to square one. To ride a very quiet horse in a school. Pottering around, and with lunge and bareback lessons to restore my balance and seat.

I join those who suggest lessons - and to start with I would say go to a good RI and ride her horse /pony, not your own.

Once your riding is more secure and you are happy, turn your attention to schooling your horse, in the school. Remember what Richard Maxwell says - before going out on a horse you need reliable steering, brakes and acceleration. Just as for a car going through its MOT.

In fact, if you are looking for a session with your horse to ascertain safety, Maxwell would be a good trainer to have in for a consultation.

Once you have a responsive horse in the school, you may feel safe to venture outside for very short quiet hacks in which you reinforce the schooling - lots of transitions, leg yield, turns etc to keep the horse's mind on you and your mind on riding the horse. Trusting the good behaviour of your horse is no substitute, and could contribute to the problems.

Build up what you do so gradually that you will not be at all stressed at any stage. It was 18 months after my fall before I felt happy hacking out again on those long fast tracks. Even when I did start to hack again, we often just went out in walk and trot.

Because I didnt think of it as loss of confience, but as a safety problem, the effect has been to eventually improve my riding and control of horses and to reduce my fall off rate. Like you my riding used to centre on breathing and relaxing and allowing the horse to go. I am now much more positive with the horses, riding them forward when necessary.
For many years of hacking, I averaged 2 falls a year. I have not had a fall out hacking for almost three years now.
Of course I could fall off today, or any day. It is only statistics. But over all and over time the risk has decreased even though I share a horse and my hacking time has increased. And it comes through taking care, taking more control, and also more experience, making fine judgements about how much or little pressure to put on the horse.

You sound to be a real experienced rider - but your intelligence and competence cant function if you are scared. And you are scared exactly because you understand the risks.
 
I have always taken a dim view of the Confidence section of NR.

I find that rather a sweeping and dismissive statement actually Skib? Do you blithely dismiss all advice and encouragement that many posters have given to several members going through a crisis of confidence?

Rather arrogant to say the least, dismissing everyone else's opinion but happy to expostulate at length yourself, because, naturally, you are correct in all that you write and everybody else's opinion is of little or no value to the OP?

Granted some of your points are valid and of some use in the fragile quest for total confidence, but your opening statement was at best thoughtless, and at worst stamping a hob nailed boot through other people's good intentions and wish to help others.

I have always taken a dim view of how you regularly complain about many aspects of this forum but are quite happy to keep making disparaging comments, rather than find a forum that suits better. But I dare say that another place to vent your spleen might not be quite so tolerant as the majority of members on here are?
 
The long and short of it is, as with most things horse related, there's no one correct answer.

We all are individuals, our confidence issues will have been created by different experiences, lastly the resources we have at our disposal to overcome our issues all differ too.

I guess the key thing is to work out exactly what the issue is, being specific and breaking it down into steps to move forward again.
 
Last edited:
newrider.com
Top Bottom
Back