Oh, no... sorry to hear that. He was very handsome indeed, your ginger one. I hope you will feel better soon. Although they say that time heals all the wounds, it doesn't often feel like it... and I think in these cases they may never heal properly but you will manage to live on and be a stronger person as a result.
May the handsome ginger one now happily graze in horsey heaven. I am sure he is thinking of you and feels sorry for not having bid farewell properly... and I am also sure that he will come visit you during the next few days to say his goodbye... it might just be in the form of a warm breeze in a cold November day or a sense of him being there although you can't see him. Whatever it may be, I hope it will bring you a sense of closure to ease the pain.
Let us know if you need anything.